


Suffocate

by Lumeriee



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Aged up characters, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Chabashira Tenko/Yumeno Himiko (mentioned) - Freeform, College AU, Eventual Sex, F/F, F/M, Feeling denial, First Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito (mentioned) - Freeform, LGBT+, Lesbian, M/M, Mioda Ibuki/Tsumiki Mikan (mentioned) - Freeform, Miu Iruma (protaganist), POV Third Person, Pansexual Miu Iruma, Parent Death, Parties, Praise Kink, Romantic Soulmates, Sexual Language, Sharing a Bed, Slice of Life, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Trauma, anxious Miu Iruma, degradee kink, friendship emphasis, hidden soulmate status, light marijuana usage mentioned, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-15 20:08:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 58,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29070084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lumeriee/pseuds/Lumeriee
Summary: The mere notion of soulmates had Miu’s skin crawling, but she was willing to put aside her feelings to support her best friend Kokichi when he finds his soulmate Shuichi Saihara. Not too surprisingly, that means befriending said soulmate and his best friend Kaede Akamatsu. That’s all fine and dandy and befriending the two shouldn't be that hard. That is until Miu discovers that Akamatsu just so happens to be her soulmate as well and Miu has to do everything in her power so that the other girl never finds out.
Relationships: Akamatsu Kaede/Iruma Miu, Harukawa Maki/Momota Kaito, Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 32
Kudos: 108





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This story is completely written, but is being lightly editing by myself! It is not being beta-read, so please let me know of any glaring issues. Otherwise, the first chapter is the shortest by far and the rest of the work is much longer (106,000 words over 15 chapters before edits)! Anyways, more notes will be at the end! Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Understand by Greer (https://youtu.be/tucgkCNNGgU)

Hope’s Peak Cafe was busy for what should have been a lazy Sunday morning. The line to the counter took several minutes to reach despite how efficient the cashier was working through taking orders and dealing with intolerable customers. The drinks themselves didn’t take nearly as long as the skinny, white-haired male worked between different drink coupons simultaneously. It was no doubt the result of far too many shifts understaffed and Miu may have felt pity for him if it wasn’t for that focused, determined look on his face as he worked or how it softened when he passed them their drinks. If he hadn’t been making such passionate glances to the cashier at the front counter, Miu might have thought he was cute. So, she went with the other option. 

“Don’t you think the guy working cashier was kinda cute?” Miu asked, looking at the female beside her. Kokichi and Saihara were far too into each other to bother with the question and, not to mention, they were dating. It wasn’t like they could say it, even if they wanted to. So, Saihara’s best friend, Kaede Akamatsu, was her best bet for a frivolous conversation like this.

At the end of the day, it _was_ a meaningless conversation _._ In a world full of soulmates, people didn’t really bother with pointless romances once they left their teen years and it was fairly rare for people to have bothered at all. Thus, the whole point in Miu even making the comment was to get the other girl to engage in a conversation with her. Despite knowing each other through friends or random college events, neither really knew each other and both didn’t quite know how to deal with the other yet. So, maybe, in a sense, this was a _test_ too. However, Akamatsu decided to react would be a good tell if she and Akamatsu could ever get along.

The reaction was a flinch, probably startled by the sudden question, before transitioning to a more natural smile.

“I suppose. I’m pretty sure he’s dating the guy who made our drinks, Iruma,” Akamatsu said, “I do like his eyes though; they’re very pretty.”

It was a better reaction than what Miu expected. Considering the extracurriculars she took part in and the overall decorum the other girl portrayed for herself, Miu figured she’d be more of a stick in the mud. The fact she’d humor Miu was promising and, even if they couldn’t be quite friends like Kokichi would have wanted, she’d at least be able to tolerate her. That was more than enough for Miu.

Kokichi perked up from beside them.

“Don’t be a homewrecker _or_ a bad influence for Akamatsu, whore,” Kokichi said, a toothy grin on his face with his tone not quite matching his content, “And _maybe_ just _maybe_ you shouldn’t focus so on every cock that dangles in your face and focus on your soulmate instead!”

Kokichi looked to Saihara beside him, thinking for a second, before deciding to add something else.

“Ya know, _if_ you do, you wouldn’t have to fight people into your bed. I know I don’t have that problem with Shumai!”

“Kokichi!” Saihara scolded, his face a bold red, “D-don’t say things like that!”

Miu scoffed, falling silent as her face heated. She was a virgin, sure, but the idea of sex excited her and she was more than excited to cross off from bucket list. However, she couldn’t, and the reason why lied within societal norms. _Everyone_ was so obsessed with this soulmate nonsense. It would probably take quite a bit of digging and a whole heaping of luck to even find one person and Miu highly doubted it’d be a person she was attracted to. Fruitless hookups with attractive people, despite being so common in porn, were a rare commodity in real life despite it seeming so hot.

 _Very hot_ , Miu thought, making a mental note to add it to her “material” list later that night.

Kokichi took Miu’s silence as a victory and led the group to a booth towards the corner of the coffee shop that had cleared. Miu took one side and Kokichi sat directly across from her. Saihara, obviously, sat beside his soulmate, leaving Akamatsu to sit beside Miu.

While it wasn’t outwardly awkward, there was some semblance of weirdness that wafted into the atmosphere when the usual duos didn’t sit beside one another. It was a change that Miu would have to get used to and she knew that, but it didn’t get rid of the feeling in the moment or the sticky gross feeling of possessiveness she’d rather do away with.

Her only distraction was the busty blonde beside her and she was already trying _very hard_ to not be conscious of that.

Akamatsu just had to wear a pink v-neck t-shirt too so that her boobs perked perfectly on display. Even the more basic anatomy of her seemed to be a testament to the girl’s natural beauty. Specifically, there was an attractive quality to how Akamatsu’s collar bones jutted out to frame her upper torso and how the light pink hues on her skin illuminated the other delicate parts of her anatomy. And this was just the girl’s chest! Miu had a number of other things to say about other parts of Akamatsu’s body. 

_To be a pansexual_ , Miu decided, _is a curse and a blessing._

Miu had somewhat mastered being a covert pervert when necessary though and looked away before anyone noticed. She switched to looking around the coffee shop instead, taking in the different appearances of the patrons.

One girl Miu observed, for instance, was small and mousey. Her appearance was relatively bland with some nerdy undertones: dark brown hair in two long braids, a button-up shirt tucked into a knee-length skirt. She had a hot coffee, maybe a latte, that she sipped with two hands on the cup. Altogether, Miu decided she was a secret freak. If she had to guess, she’d say the girl was some masochist who wouldn’t mind being a sexual servant to a master. She’d probably lick their shoes clean with her tongue or some other freaky shit.

Another person in the coffee shop caught her attention too. It was a girl with a short floral dress and choppy, dark purple hair that fell to her waist. Observing her for a few minutes, Miu hoped to Atua (or whatever Yonaga believed in) that that girl wasn’t drinking coffee with how anxiously her body shook before it clicked in her head. It was nurse-to-be Mikan Tsumiki. S&M probably didn’t work too great with her then. Tsumiki would probably freak out at the idea of any physical pain being exchanged, so, instead, Miu figured she must be a submissive who liked to be verbally abused. Miu could just imagine her writhing underneath someone else’s touch and being used. She was the 77th class’s fanservice already, so maybe there was some essence of exhibitionism too– 

Miu’s eyes raced around the room, barely able to contain the moan biting at the edge of her lips as she imagined all the patrons in such intimate moments.

When she was about done creating sexual fantasies of the people around her, she noticed Teruteru Hanamura in the corner of the cafe failing to chat up a group of ladies. She knew him from the LGBT+ Alliance club on campus and could easily say that whatever sexual fantasy she conjured up for him, no matter how extreme, could be a feasible reality based on their extensive conversations in the club. Drained at the memory, Miu finally returned to conversation at the table.

Akamatsu was leading the conversation, being lively and spirited even when the males across the table drifted their attention elsewhere. More specifically, their attention was drawn to one another. They still actively took into account what Akamatsu said, but it seemed that their hands always seemed to wander back to one another and their eyes would linger on each other for a longer time than necessary. It was a sickly-sweet adoration, one Miu had come to expect of those who recently gained the lovesick disease. As much as it should fill her with hopes for her own soulmate, she could only feel queasy at the interactions.

People always say that, once a person finds their soulmate, life will feel complete: peanut butter and jelly, coke and rum, and all that shit. In short, people who find their other half won’t see a point in looking for anyone else. However, Miu, out of anyone, knew what a load of bullshit that was. Life was far too jaded and unpredictable for happy endings. In the end, it was just talking with no guarantee. 

“Aweeeee!” Akamatsu squealed, rousing Miu from her thoughts, “I’m so jealous that you guys found each other! You guys are the cutest soulmates I’ve ever seen.”

Kokichi squinted his eyes, looking confused as he took his hands from Saihara’s grasp. Saihara stared down at their disconnected hands with confusion and dissatisfaction.

“Shuichi’s not my soulmate though!” Kokichi declared, taking a long sip from his grape tea.

Saihara gave him a look.

“It’s a lie!” Kokichi quickly added and entwined his fingers again with Saihara.

“Ya know, midget,” Miu interrupted the sweet looks between the two, eyes narrowing at her best friend, “Besides the basics, I haven’t heard shit about how you guys actually found out that you were soulmates. When are you gonna give the deets?”

Kokichi scratched his head, puckering his lips perplexed.

“Out of anyone, bitchlet, you should know I just looked for a guy with a bunch of penises all over his arm!”

“You’re kidding! I didn’t know you were doing that,” Miu said, frowning as she slammed her hands down on the table, “I could have helped you draw some! We could have even put one on your forehead and it would have been _suuuuper_ obvious!”

“...Thankfully _that_ didn’t happen,” Saihara sighed, his eye flashing to Akamatsu, “To fully explain, Kokichi saw me at the library and decided to start messing around. After a little while, he got bored and told me he was going to find his soulmate. So, he stole my pen and, well, began drawing a bunch of…” 

Saihara seemed to think of a better way to phrase it but gave up, seeing as everyone understood that Kokichi hadn’t lied about his image choice. He continued.

“...Eventually, he begged me to draw one as well and he was really starting to disturb the people around us, so I gave in. When I went to grab my pen, we both saw that I had the same...doodles on my hand and the rest is history.”

“Oh my gosh!” Akamatsu began, both her hands on the pudge of her cheeks, “Maybe I should do something like that? I’ve done everything short of writing my phone number on my arm since I want it to be romantic. I want it to be...kind of like the moment you two had!”

“I’m sure you will, Kaede,” Saihara said, a shy smile on his lips, “Any person would be lucky to have you, so just keep looking.”

“Thank you, Shuichi. I try to stay positive, but I know I just have to take action! In fact…” Akamatsu’s eyes sparkled and she grabbed her purse beside her. Wordlessly, Akamatsu riffled through her purse and pulled out a marker. “Why don’t I add a little picture to my arm to get them thinking about me?”

Her smile was contagious: big, bright, overly cheery, and _so_ innocent. Miu, despite her own feelings on soulmates, smiled at her vigor and decided to humor her.

“What are you gonna draw then, pinkie?” Miu asked. Miu peered at the marker in Akamatus’s hand and noticed how it was pink as well, perfectly fitting into the theme the girl had created for herself. She could never imagine someone as pink and prissy as Akamatsu looked to go more alternative, the idea was almost laughable. However, it would be a good plot twist.

“Mmmm!” Akamatsu thought, tapping the marker on her lips for a moment, “Well, it should resemble something about me, right?”

“So, something with music, right? Maybe some music notes?” Saihara offered, drumming his free hand on the table. It was a pretty obvious choice for the musician of the group, but Akamatsu seemed pleased regardless.

“Yeah! That’s a good idea, Shui!” Akamatsu grinned, adding a few music notes around her wrist like a bracelet. Kokichi eyed the action intently, cogs whirring in his head before he decided to interject.

“Come on!!!” Kokichi slapped the table with his free hand, “Are we _really_ not going to consider a piano! This is the ultimate piano freak we’re talking about!”

“Ko-Kokichi! Don’t be so…” Saihara said, before wilting and opting to rub his temples instead. There really was no point in fighting Kokichi after he said it anyway. It wasn’t that bad either, a little mean at best. Still, some people didn’t see it that way which sometimes lent itself to misunderstandings.

Miu was best friends with the little terror, so she understood both Kokichi and Saihara’s perspectives well. Much like herself, Kokichi preferred to be tactless and was often brash. Thus, he could be as embarrassing as he could be fun. Unlike herself, though, Kokichi could think logically and act strategically when he put his mind to it. That’s why he had the giant secret organization after all! Miu considered herself lucky to be his right-hand woman for DICE despite her faults. She’d never admit that out loud though because Kokichi was already full of himself.

“It’s okay. Maybe I am a little obsessed with pianos!” Akamatsu said, “But I’m not very good at drawing, so a piano is a little…”

Akamatsu went silent for a few minutes, trying to dissect a solution. Then, her eyes lit up and a giant smile crossed her lips. It was almost angelic, Miu noted, and if she squinted she was sure she’d see a halo over the other blonde’s head. She wasn’t given the opportunity though as she was paralyzed when large, plum eyes framed by thick, dark eyelashes turned to her. Miu knew she must have made a sound (something like “hnk!”), but it must have looked like it was the result of being the sudden center of attention rather than her checking out the other girl again.

“Hey, Iruma, you’re pretty good at making blueprints for your inventions, do you think you could do a rough sketch of a piano?”

“Maybe if you got on the floor and begged!” Miu winked.

She wasn't against it. More so, she was hoping it would conjure up some discomfort in the mild-mannered girl. It’s not like Akamatsu would follow the request, the other girl no doubt had too much pride to do it. Still, Miu wouldn’t deny the idea was deliciously attractive in her own head. However, she was quick to shut down the fantasy before it could take full form and have her drooling all over the table.

“Is that all it would take?” Akamatsu grinned, rising from the table, “No problem!”

Miu thought she was bluffing but was surprised when Akamatsu fully raised herself from their booth and began to kneel on the floor. She looked content too despite her stocking touching the dirty floors and the perturbed looks from the other patrons. Miu, equally perplexed, blinked once, then twice, before a rush of red bloomed onto her face.

“Heeee! W-what are you doing!?” Miu squealed, hiding her nervous smile with the glove on her hand, “G-get back up here!”

She didn’t; remaining in that kneeled position on the floor. She didn’t look embarrassed at all. If anything, she looked amused.

“Are you going to do it, Iruma?” 

Kaeda’s smile didn’t waiver and her head cocked to the side, her blonde hair curling down on her body, framing her face–

Miu glanced up once again to the room and found some stares lingered, growing disgusted at the whole affair. Embarrassed, Miu came to two conclusions. One, the fantasy of having someone begging for her was really too much in public. Two, that she couldn’t believe she wasted even a second conjuring some of these people’s sexual destinies. Such asshats didn’t deserve an ounce of creativity from her beautiful genius.

“Eeeek! Sure, just get up back here!”

“Yay!” Akamatsu said, returning to her place on the booth’s seat. The other two males seemed unbothered by the whole display. Well, Saihara seemed just a dash flustered, but Miu had a sneaking suspicion that it was from something entirely different, something totally involving Kokichi. 

Miu picked at the dirt under her nails, hating how vulnerable she was about to sound.

“I...I’m not an artist like Yonaga, so don’t give me any crap, okay? It’ll be really rough. Next time ask me to build something, okay? I’m _the_ shit at that. I can make you some automatic cameras, I’m sure a freaky girl like you’d get some use of that!”

“I’m sure it’ll look great. And I’ll be sure to keep that other part in mind too”

Akamatsu had the balls to laugh as if it were a joke (not something Miu totally would do) and, instead, pressed her hand on the table within Miu’s reach. With her free hand, she rolled the marker over as well and watched Miu scramble to grab it.

“Don’t mess up, whore-slut.”

Miu glared at Kokichi and felt her hands begin to shake. Trying to cover up the nervous reaction, she tugged her black, fingerless down on her arms a bit more so they rested comfortably underneath her fuzzy, white sweater. Next, she grabbed a quick reference image off the internet and, after some back and forth with Akamatsu, they agreed on a design. Then, with bated breath, Miu reached forward where she left the marker and grabbed it to begin drawing.

Trying to draw from a distance made it difficult to tell where to pinpoint her lines, so Miu inched closer to Akamatsu while the other girl watched with mild interest, but remained silent. Now nearly thigh to thigh with Akamatsu, she could see just how perfect the other girl's hand looked with their medium size and long, skinny fingers. More so, there wasn’t a single blemish or flaw on the skin which greatly contrasted Miu’s own. It wasn’t to say Miu’s hands were hideously scarred, she was a self-proclaimed beauty after all, but there were enough remnants of scars from engineering projects to tell a whole epic. Akamatsu’s nails were painted a cute bubblegum color too and each nail filed to a pristine oval shape. Miu used press-on nails for her own most days as it was easier for upkeep, but part of wish she had the skill to do the same to her own.

While it didn’t exist on the other’s skin until a few moments prior, Miu admitted internally that the ring of music notes around Akamatsu’s wrist looked fitting. They complimented the pink undertones of her skin well and didn't look at all out of place. Miu could only hope the same could be said about the piano she was drawing.

While drawing, Miu hoped Akamatsu could smell her perfume because she could definitely smell Akamatsu’s. It must have been freshly applied because the sweet, almost candy-esque smell permeated her senses like nothing else. It wasn’t bad, like when someone sprays cheap perfume to the excess. No, it was a very intoxicating smell that felt fundamental to the Akamatsu herself. Miu hesitated to wonder, then, if it might just be the girl’s natural scent. Her entire personality radiated the same sort of sweetness, so it didn’t feel too risky for Miu to wager that _everything_ about Akamatsu was too.

The word “everything” rattled in her brain and she had to reel back her inner pervert to focus on the task at hand.

Surprisingly, the piano came out pretty good.

“See! A girl genius like me can easily do something like this!” Miu grinned, adding her signature laugh. It rang through the coffeeshop despite the loud ambiance, but Miu couldn’t be bothered to silence it. 

“That’s not what you said earlier.”

“Shut up, Cock-kichi!”

Kokichi rolled his eyes as Akamatsu spoke up after a moment or two of silence.

“...It looks so good! Are you sure you don’t design pianos on the side, Iruma?” Akamatsu teased, before her expression softened, “With something like this, I’m sure my soulmate will know I’m waiting for them. I hope they take the hint and come looking for me!"

Akamatsu looked down at her arm again, tracing the outline of the piano before looking back at Miu. That smile never seemed to fade.

"Do you want to try it too, Iruma? We can find our soulmates together!”

Miu felt something snap in her head, but she tried to avoid letting the emotion spill to the surface. She _didn’t_ want to meet her soulmate. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever. She couldn’t say that though, especially someone she was basically acquaintances with. People don’t tend to understand her train of thought on the subject and often tried to dig too deep into the reasonings of why she felt that way. She didn’t owe that to anyone and she wouldn’t give people reason to look at her like that ever again.

Miu forced her default facade to the surface. With an exaggerated huff, Miu smirked, shaking her head.

“Nope! I’m not going to beg like some dog! If they want _all this,_ they’ll be ones sniffing me out like a dog.”

“Yeah! Who wouldn’t want a five-foot-eight picture of narcissism? I’m sure every guy and your soulmate is waiting with bated breath for you to show up!” Kokichi said, rolling his eyes. There was a look he gave her though, brief and missable, that said he had other motives. In his own way, Miu felt like he was encouraging her or, at the very least, guiding her. It was probably so she would find her soulmate since he, against all odds, placed a lot of merit in them.

She probably needed to tell him someday. It was going to get complicated if she didn’t and she didn’t want to create new ways each time for her to sweep it under the rug.

“Well, I mean, it doesn’t have to be a guy! I’m _open_ to all audiences,” Miu said, taking Kokichi banter in stride. Akamatsu gave her side-ways glance, taking some enjoyment in watching Miu’s antics. She didn’t even push the soulmate thing which was rare with a lot of the girls she talked to about it. She was grateful.

Miu figured that friendship with her was probably not impossible. Akamatsu didn’t seem as prissy and full of herself as Miu once thought. She wasn’t completely sold though, but she’s had worst first encounters, so she might as well give this possible friendship a chance before she gives up. This whole thing was for Kokichi’s sake after all.

Saihara picked up the conversation from there with Akamatsu, asking about some piano recital that was coming up. The rest of the gathering went as well as expected and they all separated after some time. Miu, as she made her way towards her job, began to think of the nice night she would have to plan for herself after all the emotional ups and downs she had faced during their group outing and for the shitty customers, she’d soon face at her work. Maybe she was being dramatic?

Nah, she knew she was and she didn’t care. Work was always awful, but it paid the bills. As for the group’s outing, talking about soulmates always knocked out a lot of her energy. On top of that, making friends with her best friend’s lover’s best friend was a lot of work and was even more complicated to say. A bubble bath would be sure to cure the headache.

***

Miu plopped down onto her bed with a frustrated sigh. Today had been exhausting.

While she thought the coffeeshop gathering would be the emotionally most stressful thing, her work decided to throw her through a series of issues. The worst of which was the Karen convention that decided to come to town and appoint her as the person to deal with every single complaint they could make. Sadly, the excuse that this was some shitty fast fashion store and that she was just a broke college student didn’t suffice in their eyes. When she finally went to break, she found out the lunch she made had been smashed by whoever else had used the employee fridge. In the end, she was left with a couple of crackers and a packet of dust for her dinner.

While her stomach grumbled, she decided that, more than anything, she wanted a bath with a bath bomb when she got home and nobody was going to stop her. Thank god she had her own bathroom in this apartment with direct access from her room. Well, even if she didn’t, Miu didn’t feel too much shame in walking down the hall naked and claiming the bath for days like these.

As soon as she was in her bathroom, she began pulling off articles of clothing: her white sweater, her skirt, her stockings, and so on. Crumbling them all into a ball, she slammed them into her laundry bin and felt so much lighter stripped down to near-nothingness. With careful fingers, she peeled off her lingerie (a black, lace bralette and the matching thong) and stared down at the last remaining article of clothing on her body: her gloves. They were something she always unconsciously left for last, not wanting to see a soul mark if they happened to be there. Still, she needed to clean herself, so she knew she had to bite the bullet every so often.

Still, her gloves were a staple to her person, almost always on her hands like a second skin. Beyond blocking her from seeing soul marks or avoiding the accident marking of herself for her soulmate to see, it offered quite a few advantages having them. For one, she could be a little edgier than her obsession with pink would usually allow her to be. Secondly, they allowed her to prod at her projects in a moment's notice without the worry of further scarring to her hands. Altogether, they were both fashionable and functional.

After another moment or two, she peeled them off ceremoniously and let the pale skin underneath be illuminated by the bathroom lighting.

Then, she paused.

Frozen. Shocked. _Sick._

In the center of her right hand, one she hadn’t properly looked at all day, sat a familiar drawing. One she couldn’t even convince herself was simply a coincidence, some cruel joke by the world. No, it had to be _that_.

A piano. A _pink_ piano.

The very same one she drew on Akamatsu’s hand earlier that day. There was no doubt. Same angle, same color, same subject, same space. It was her own work.

It was a desperate, mindless attempt that had her rubbing the image of her skin at the bathroom sink and using copious amounts of soap in the hopes it was some trick of the light or something she might have unconsciously drawn on herself. When her skin became raw, but the image persisted, Miu fell to a shocked horror, unmoving as she could only stare down at the mark.

Miu’s body reanimated with a jolt and she rushed to the toilet to empty what little she had in her stomach. Her whole body shook with chills, but she didn’t move from that spot for hours. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title:  
> The title is a reference to “Suffocate” by Hayd and both girl’s deaths in the game. :) It was a big inspiration for the fic!
> 
> Soulmate AU:  
> Soulmates can communicate with one another by writing with ink on their skin. The corresponding markings will appear on their soulmate's skin until the original image is removed. (This will be further expanded on in the plot in regards to culture, when soul mark marks show, etc!)
> 
> Focuses:  
> This story will be a slice of life and slowly feature more of the Danganronpa cast, but the ultimate focus will be on Miu and her interactions with or in reference to Kaede. Other pairings will exist in the universe, but the only major one beside the main pairing is Shuichi Saihara/Kokichi Oma! Characterization is done to the best of my ability, but some liberties have been taken to place them in a college au. (In other words, Miu will be foul from time to time, but she has some level of tact since she isn’t a teen like in the DRV3, but an adult!)
> 
> Names:  
> Last names will be used until Miu, herself, begins to refer to them by their first name. Then, the third person narrative will also follow that change in name (assuming I don’t screw up). I’m employing some semblance of the Japanese tradition to this, but I don’t know it well enough to claim it completely!
> 
> Inconsistencies:  
> If anyone notices any glaring issues or inconsistencies, please let me know! I left a lot of aggressive notes in my outline, but I guess my brain decided to void those out. It is what it is.
> 
> Update Schedule:  
> In terms of updating, this fanfic should be updated approximately every week on Sunday! Again, it is completely written and will just have some light edits. This was not beta-read, so please report any errors you see! I really don’t mind. :)
> 
> Anyways!  
> This is basically a way for me to live WLW dreams in college with everything shut down. High school me would be pissed to know all the things I was excited about for college were yeeted by a virus and people are too damn selfish to get it together so we can go back to normal. -_- Anyways, be safe and wear a mask. :) Also! This was made as a way to throw me back into writing again. As such, I tried my best, but the pacing may be a little off every so often. Even so, the gradual change in their relationship was my focus.
> 
> Anyways!!! Thank you for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Here's the next chapter! Enjoy! :)  
> Song: Wall Flower by mxmtoon (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZ1mmXdnaGg)

The next morning, Miu felt like utter shit. Sleeping on the bathroom floor will do that to a person though.

While her legs still felt wobbly and her brain hammered against her skull, she still managed to crawl into the shower and then to her vanity to observe the damage. Dull eyes and the dark patches beneath them stared back at her and makeup did little to cover it. By the end, her face felt overly saturated, but she didn’t look nearly as pale and she figured that should be enough. She had only planned to see Kokichi anyway and she could sneak back to her room after.

Part of Miu, for a brief moment, wondered if she should tell him. While she wanted to keep this entirely to herself and ignore what she discovered, something told her that she wouldn’t be able to handle something so life-shattering all on her own and Kokichi would see through the act anyways. She didn’t have to say it right away and when the moment came, maybe, she could be discrete about it and not mention it directly.

Retrieving a new pair of gloves from a drawer, Akamatsu stared down at the pink piano again, now noticing the covert bracelet of music notes below it too. Her stomach settled uneasily and she wondered if she would puke again. Leaning against the dresser, gloves clutched tight, she allowed herself to breath and the feeling passed.

It’s not that she thought Akamatsu was an awful outcome to this whole soulmate nonsense, but, at the end of the day, she felt like _soulmates,_ in of themselves, were nonsense. The innate purpose of humans is to change and that causes ripples both in personality and social groups. So, how could she trust that one person was perfect for her and perfect for the various versions of herself that would exist? How could she trust that they would never leave her? If humans could date frivolously and unattached to such an idealized concept such as soulmates, there would be no fear of being held down by one single person or never finding someone else if the person they were dating didn’t work out. She already _knew_ what happened when soulmates didn’t work out. So, something like this terrified her.

She got dressed and refused to look at her hand at all. She couldn’t deal with those thoughts right now. Avoiding her roommate on the way out, she sent Kokichi a text she was on her way and began her walk towards the campus dining hall.

Despite her desires to outright deny the feeling, it only seemed to metastasize down from her head to become a cumbersome weight in her stomach and an itch that crawled up her arms. Deep breathing and fiddling with her necklace, her go-to in anxious situations, did little to distract her. By the time she made it over to Kokichi and her usual spot in the dining hall, the feeling grew much more debilitating when she realized he wasn’t alone: a familiar blonde and noir haired duo sat beside her best friend. Before Miu could take the initiative and make herself scarce, Kokichi caught her eyes and waved her over.

Giddy, he greeted her, “Bitchlet! You almost missed the super-secret meeting. Take a seat!”

Taking the only open seat, the one beside Akamatsu, she made sure to avoid eye contact as she pulled her gloves carefully down her arms. She could feel all their eyes on her and her heart began to race. She had to think of something to say, but her brain felt so thick, yet so utterly empty. She knew she was quiet long enough for a response to be awkward, but she tried anyway.

“Sorry, fucker. Seems like someone was too busy fucking his sex toy to send the memo.”

While it was already awkward, it was now inadvertently aggressive. Great.

Kokichi narrowed his eyes at her. If he hated anything, it was underserved animosity with a source that he couldn’t place. He hadn’t done anything either; his attitude was no different than usual. She knew the jab at her that was coming was well deserved, but couldn’t stop the flinch when she heard it.

“If you’re gonna act like that, you can just leave.”

It was a little nicer than what she deserved, but the look he gave wasn’t quite as nice. It was no doubt the one he reserved for situations like this and Miu felt her blood freeze when purple eyes stared her down. She faltered, rubbing fingers as her shoulders trembled.

“I’m sorry...I didn’t sleep well.”

The response was truthful, but not to the extent Kokichi would have preferred. Yet, mercifully, he let it go for now. Something told her the conversation was far from over though.

“Well, it doesn’t matter! We have a meeting to go through and we’re running behind since you’re _so_ late!” Kokichi responded, a grin taking the place of that look she hated so much. 

The shift in Kokichi’s mood diffused the atmosphere that had been so thick at the table and Miu felt her limbs relax just a little bit as she looked to the other two at the table. Both had let out a collective sigh of relief when they realized that the conversation wasn’t going to end in disaster. Akamatsu looked the most uncomfortable which made sense since Saihara was her best friend; Akamatsu didn’t know Miu or Kokichi well enough to understand these moments or feel comforted in their presence regardless of a fight.

Miu wondered if it would have been different if she did know about the soulmate thing. If she did, how would she have reacted? Miu knew nothing beyond the basics of Akamatsu which meant nothing with a girl like her. She couldn’t predict her, but Miu felt a small chunk of hope in the fact that Akamatsu didn’t know. The way she approached her was undeniably that of forced acquaintanceship and Miu felt safe in that fact. She _didn’t_ need to know.

Miu realized she was staring at Akamatsu when plum eyes turned towards her. Snapping her eyes back to her hands, she tried to clear the thoughts from her head and erase the concerned, confused look Akamatsu gave her from her head. After a break or two, Miu looked up to Kokichi in hopes that whatever tangent he was on would be able to distract her, but she instead found his eyes staring back at her. He was talking about something, but she knew he had witnessed the odd exchange and opted to commit it to memory rather than question it then and there. 

With one pregnant look her way, he turned away and continued the meeting.

The meeting, at its core, ended up being an elaborate plan to screw with Kaito Momota, Saihara’s roommate, during Halloween. In the beginning, Saihara tried to shut down the idea to avoid agitating his roommate but grew quiet with interest as Kokichi spoke. It was something of a collaborative effort to dress each other as sheet-wearing ghosts since Momota was petrified of them (even if he vehemently denied it). After a bit of back and forth bickering, there was a collaborative agreement that this would be a fun way to get into the spooky mood.

Miu, admittedly, thought the idea was genius and she would have shown more enthusiasm in any other situation. However, over the course of the meeting, she was too preoccupied with the reality that she was sitting next to her soulmate who still wore that damned piano on her arm, making denial so much harder. She felt queasy, yet, somehow, she managed to uphold some semblance of a facade during the meeting.

If she wasn’t so distractible, she would have been better off. Without fail, her mind would wander when Saihara and Kokichi debated over details and she would get lost in her own mental tangents. 

The first of which was how she never figured out her soulmate was Akamatsu before now. Sure, she had seen a number of words and phrases on her arm since she was young, but it never seemed like concrete proof nor did it seem to point to Akamatsuas the culprit. Whoever they were, they seemed excited by the idea of a soulmate, but Miu couldn’t share the feeling. Further, she could never bring herself to respond in any way because even the thought of scribbling a message made her want to eat her hands. So, instead, she looked at the little messages scrawled across her body and felt dread.

Before the end of the impromptu meeting, Saihara and Kokichi started their tediously long goodbye. Well, more so, Kokichi did, but Saihara didn’t seem opposed to it either. It left an awkward silence between Miu and Akamatsu and Miu couldn’t bring herself to say anything. Luckily and unluckily, she didn’t have to. Akamatsu did it herself.

“Hey, Iruma, I realized last night I didn’t have your phone number.” Akamatsu tapped her index finger against her lip, offering what appeared to be a well-meaning smile. “If you’re okay with it, I was hoping we could swap numbers?”

Miu didn’t have any time to say anything when Akamatsu quickly and excitedly added, “That way we can hang out whenever we want! We don’t have to look forward to these meetings or the lovebirds to talk to figure out details!”

“Hang out?” Miu asked, her brain fried at the idea. She was known for being overdramatic, so the way her body jolted didn’t raise any eyebrows. Well, none that Miu could tell.

“Well, I hope we can! It’d be nice to have a _girl_ friend to go shopping with or just hang out with! It's usually just Saihara and me when I want to go to the mall and our tastes differ quite a bit. Maki will go too, but she’s never really _into_ it.”

As Akamatsu rambled on, Miu found herself having difficulty separating the “girl friend” into two separate words despite knowing full well what Akamatsu meant. Once she gave up trying to conquer that mental hiccup, Miu considered the offer. If it weren’t for this dumb soulmate issue, Miu would have jumped on the opportunity. Kokichi was great and he was more than willing to shop the same stores as her, but it would feel different to have a genuine girl to shop with. Miu could barely make friends too, Kokichi being her true first one in recent years, so the idea was so tempting…

“Yeah, sure.” Miu hoped her voice didn’t sound too shaky and that her hand didn’t tremble too visibly as she brought up a new contact on her phone. Once it was ready, Miu slid it over to Akamatsu. “Go ahead. I’d like that.”

“I’m so excited!” Akamatsu said, her eyes twinkling as she took Miu’s phone. With a girl like her, it really was hard not to stare: Akamatsu was a natural beauty. Miu already knew that much before the recent bombshell and it didn’t stop her eyes from wandering the other while she was typing away on her phone.

She had a cute nose, Miu noted, with a button shape that turned up a smidge and even looked good even in profile view. However, more captivating, were the lips that sat below it. They were perfectly shaped, like the ones used to model lipsticks on MonoGram, and formed the shape of a heart. Akamatsu didn’t have to wear lipstick either, since she naturally had a cute, soft pink, but the touch of shiny, clear lip gloss was nice. Miu wondered what type it was and if it was a particular flavor like strawberry or watermelon or some other pinkish fruit.

But, more than anything on Akamatu’s face, Miu was fascinated by her eyes. Big and framed by long, natural lashes, her eyes could make anyone stop and stare. The plum irises were a beautiful blend, lighter on the top before transitioning to a dark color towards the bottom, and seem to sparkle even in the subpar dining hall lighting. They made Miu want to run away as much as they made her want to stay, basking in the serenity and happiness they gave off. 

Miu liked to think that all the self-confidence tips she read from magazines had helped her be able to at least feign appreciation for herself, be it the physical attributes or mental prowess. In moments like these though, it was hard for one’s confidence to not be shaken when staring at a literal angel.

Miu took back her phone once Akamatsu finished and the onslaught of thoughts came in with a vengeance:

_...she just touched my phone, the phone I am holding came into contact with the girl who is supposed to be my soulmate, my soulmate who doesn’t know-_

“Iruma, are you okay?” Akamatsu said, reaching out and touching Miu’s gloved hands, right where the piano drawing lay hidden, “You look a little pale.”

Flinching and pulling her hand back, Miu noticed the hurt expression on Akamatsu’s face. It had been an unconscious reaction, but Miu couldn’t help feeling bad once she saw Akamatsu's reaction. Even so, how could she explain it? How was she supposed to respond? There was no way to win in such a hopeless situation.

“I...I’m sorry. I didn’t get my beauty sleep, so I feel like royal shit today. But I’ll be okay after a coffee or some shit. Don’t worry,” Miu tried to joke, giving a small smile. She knew it probably wasn’t convincing, but it was all she could muster up.

“Okay. As long as that’s the case,” Akamatsu said, the smile returning a little smaller this time, “I sent a text to myself on your phone, so I’ll make sure to save your number. Feel free to call or text me if you ever need to, okay?”

Miu nodded and, thankfully, the two males finished their goodbyes. Saihara stood and Akamatsu followed suit. Grabbing their bags and trash from their lunches, they waved goodbye to the remaining duo as they made their way to the exit. As soon as they were undeniably alone, Kokichi turned to her. His whole demeanor let her know he meant business.

“Now, what the fuck was that about?”

“W-what do you mean?”

She knew what he was aiming for or, at least, she thought she did. She knew she had been acting weird and Kokichi had observed her through the ordeal, probably more than she was aware of too. On the off chance she was wrong, she decided to play dumb because, with how things were going, she wasn’t sure if she could handle talking about it.

“You _know_ , Miu. Why are you acting so weird today? More so, why are you being so weird _with Akamatsu?_ I mean, you’re weird with people in general, but this is a step above that,” Kokichi said, cocking his head to the side, “Orrr! Actually, let me guess! Did you get a little crush on piano freak? Were you thinking up some sexual fantasy of banging her on a piano and it fried your brain?”

“No!” Miu slapped the table with her fingers before clutching her hand around the edge of the table. “...It's not like that.”

“Then what is _it?_ ” Kokichi pressed.

“Look, I wanted to talk to you about it, but we had...the meeting.”

“Miu,” Kokichi stopped her, “Just tell me what’s up. We’ll figure it out. As my right-hand woman, you should know that a problem for one person in DICE is a problem for everyone.”

Miu gave a troubled smile, eyes half-lidded, and breathed out a deep sigh to collect herself.

It had taken time for her to trust Kokichi in the beginning. It was hard to say what specific instances drove the relationship to the way it was now since there had been so many. However, Miu figured it rested somewhere between their mutual distrust of others and how they had come to rely on each other in moments of vulnerability despite that. In moments like these, where she was panicking, she reminded herself that Kokichi cared about her. Sure, it was hard for him to be direct about it because of the demons in his closet, but Miu could tell he was genuine. He wouldn’t betray her.

Soulmates, on the other hand…

Miu, couldn’t be quite too sure.

“Okay, Kokichi, okay,” Miu breathed, before adding, “Promise you won’t freak out? I already feel sick enough.”

“Sick?” Kokichi questioned, his eyebrows raised as he leaned towards her over the table.

Miu couldn’t bring herself to elaborate. Instead, she peeled off her glove and slid her hand, face-down, across the table. Miu was certain that if she hadn’t moved as quickly as she did, she wouldn’t have been able to do it altogether. However, when her palm settled against the surface of the table, she felt that sickness well up past her stomach to her chest and she wished she could undo the action altogether.

There in the peach tones of her skin sat the pink piano with the music note bracelet below it. The image was still pristine as if she just drew it. 

“Holy shit.”

“Holy fucking shit,” Miu returned.

“Does Akamatsu know?” Kokichi questioned, his eyes finally flicking up to her own as Miu swiftly put her glove back on, “‘Because she sure as hell doesn’t seem any different than usual.”

The soulmark prickled on her arm the longer she stared down at her glove and Miu scratched the exposed skin of her hand to quell the irritations. Her stomach, meanwhile, tightened itself into further knots. Damn, she hated feeling like this.

“She doesn’t know. I...I don’t want her to!”

Kokichi stared blankly at her.

“You’re kidding?” Kokichi questioned, “Do you...not like her?”

“It’s not that…” Miu tried to explain, “I...I dunno.”

“Then, what do you plan to do? You’re already acting weird, so it wouldn’t be weird for super-sleuth and pinkity to put together some pieces. If not that, at least one of them is going to come sniffing around and asking questions. They aren’t dumb.”

“I don’t plan to do anything, Kich. I’m just...gonna pretend like it never happened.”

Kokichi rolled his eyes at her this time.

“Okay, pea brain, _don’t_ be dumber than usual. I don’t know why knowing your soulmate is an issue, but you should know better than anyone that you’re not going to be able to do that.”

“What do you mean?” Miu asked, grabbing a strand of her blonde hair and twirling it around her finger. Maybe _today_ was bad, but Miu was sure she could get it together and hide it better given some more time to adjust. It had been less than twenty-four hours since she found out, so, reasonably, she was a mess.

“I...God, I don’t wanna get gushy or whatever, but once you make the connection, you can’t just _not_ think about it. You’ll wanna act on those feelings too eventually. And this isn’t just me, either. You can ask anyone,” Kokichi said, biting his lip, “Once you realize who your soulmate is, your body is never going to let you forget that.”

“Okay…” Miu said, but the word felt wrong. It didn’t help that her mouth felt full of cotton, so when the word rounded out of her mouth it felt forced to the point of gibberish. Furthermore, her brain was lagging and her vision felt dazed as she glanced between Kokichi’s worried face and the damned mark on her hand. She was out of her element.

Kokichi noticed this too.

“Look, I get you don’t want to deal with it right now and we’ll get to the bottom of why that’s the case when we’re not in a cafeteria, but...play with the idea a bit. Maybe write something on your arm and see how Akamatsu acts about it.”

“Why would I do that?” Miu asked, blinking her eyes hard in an attempt to wake herself from the state she was in. It helped, but not by too much.

“You have control of the situation. You can figure out how Akamatsu ticks with soulmates and go from there. It's low risk,” Kokichi said, “You can deny it too, but that’s stupid. With this, you can at least have the upper hand.”

While writing on her hand sounded like the dumbest idea she had ever heard initially, Kokichi had a point. She didn’t want a soulmate, but she could at least figure out the situation more. Specifically, she might be able to find a way to keep Akamatsu at arm's length for the sake of Kokichi and Saihara’s relationship or, if truly necessary, cutting her off completely. She didn’t want to go to that extreme because, obviously, it would pretty hard to fucking do when both of their best friends were soulmates hell-bent on sticking together. With that, there would be no easy way to avoid the other.

“Yeah, yeah, that makes sense,” Miu accepted eventually with a sigh, “Thanks, Cockroach. What would I do without you?”

“Probably be stupider,” Kokichi answered, doing away with the sentimental side and taking back his usual persona, “Now, cum dump, let’s go cause mayhem!”

“Oh, hell yeah,” Miu agreed, following Kokichi’s lead.

Leaving the cafeteria with the midget, Miu decided she’d worry about the whole soulmate thing later. Right now, she was going to enjoy being with her best friend and making other people’s lives a little bit more exciting as a result. Life may not have given her a lot, but it at least gave her the best possible best friend she could ask for.

***

“ _Hey! It’s Akamatsu! I was curious if you wanted to hang out this weekend? It would be just us, but I wanted to buy a new outfit for my piano recital later this month and wanted second opinions!”_

Miu stared at the text for what had to be ten minutes now. She wasn’t sure what to say and she knew she couldn’t ignore the text. The damn thing said she read it.

As much as being with Akamatsu screwed her up, she knew avoiding her wasn’t an option as her original objective of befriending her best friend’s lover’s best friend (again, hard to say) was still active for now. Further, she didn’t want to make future gatherings between the four of them more complicated than they needed to be. She owed that much to Kokichi and, if she were able to hide the whole soulmate thing, having Akamatsu as a friend didn’t seem terrible.

In fact, the idea of Akamatsu being her friend made her sort of jittery. While she didn’t know quite yet what to make of the other, Akamatsu had some charm about her that drew people in and Miu was no exception. There were also the underlying qualities about Akamatsu that made Miu think that she’d be a fun person to have around–who else would get on a cafe floor and beg her to draw a piano? She couldn’t make that sort of shit up, even if she wanted to. However, the more she convinced herself that Akamatsu seemed like a good enough person, her mind would jump back to soulmates and the whole mood soured again.

So, instead of getting caught up in those contradicting emotions, she tried to figure out some kind of response to the text.

A rejection didn’t seem right. With how she had been acting with Akamatsu, namely flinching at her touch, Miu was certain that rejection would put her on a path of a huge misunderstanding. If she acted normal at least once, Miu was certain things could get easier and she could fall into a pattern so that future interactions wouldn’t be as complicated.

So, accepting the invitation.

And writing a normal text to do so.

 _How in the hell do you even text girls!_ Miu screamed into her pillow, trying to calm down. _Should...I just text her like how I text Kokichi?_

Something about calling Akamatsu a “cum-guzzling twink” seemed a bit incorrect.

In fact, on the topic of cum, was Akamatsu into penises? Miu knew better than anyone that she, sure as hell, didn’t have one. Since they were soulmates, though, would that mean Akamatsu was a lesbian? Or at least into women in some shape or form?

Thinking back, Miu never bothered concocting any sexual fantasies involving Akamatsu. Something about doing so...felt extremely wrong. While she definitely appreciated the assets, she never strayed far beyond that. A horrifying thought crossed her mind that Akamatsu was asexual...like that Rantaro kid from their year. Miu was extremely sexual and needed someone who could at least put up with her desire for intimate contact.

 _Not that her sexuality matters, of course!_ Miu reminded herself. She didn’t plan to pursue anything with Akamatsu so wasn't going to even bother with being bothered with that possibility.

Miu brought herself back to the matter at hand and fumbled with a couple of different possible responses.

“ _Sure_!”

Too short. The mood was too vague and she didn’t want Akamatsu to think she didn’t care or that Miu was a bitch. Miu might be a bitch to some degree, but she didn’t want to showcase that now.

“ _I’d love to! What time and where? I’m free all weekend!”_

A bit better, but it felt a little too excited and, maybe, desperate for her taste. This extreme wouldn’t work either.

_“Yeah, that sounds good! When were you hoping? I can see if I’m free.”_

She decided this would be the best she’d get with her brain as jumbled as it was. It was nice and not too over-excited. If she squinted, she was sure it could almost pass as someone who had more experience with the whole thing than she did.

Reading it again and again, just to make sure it was actually good, she finally sent it.

And then she waited for the reply, watching as the minutes passed on the clock at the top of her screen. When she realized what she was doing, she groaned and tossed her phone on the bed. Rolling over to stare at the wall, Miu traced the texture of the wall with her eyes as she tried to calm down. It wasn't working.

Her phone dinged a few moments after and she scrambled to grab it.

_“Would Saturday at 2 pm work? I’m so excited!”_

Grinning, Miu texted back that that was fine and that she was looking forward to it as well (even if it made her super nervous in actuality). At least her desire to have this whole texting headache be over sent her brain to autopilot, saving her from agonizing over another text.

Flopping down onto the bed once more, she brought her phone screen a couple of inches short of her face and stared at the texts on the screen. It was an unconscious act that had her running through Akamatsu’s text again and again; most likely as an aimless attempt to dissect the words past their face value. It ended with no more information than she started with, but countless questions.

Did Akamatsu like her enough to hang out? Since they both shared the goal of befriending the people connected to their best friend’s soulmate, was her request solely for Saihara’s sake? Beyond the reasonings of her asking in the first place, would she be able to tell that Miu was her soulmate the more time they were together? Like in those dumb romantic rom-coms where the love interest, against all odds, just _knows_? If not, would she find out from Miu’s own slip-up? If so, should she make up a lie to get out of the outing altogether and avoid the possibility?

Beyond the racing questions, Miu couldn’t deny her whole body felt electrified. The nausea of fear still stung in her stomach and her heart still raced, but the little sparks erupting across her body almost made her forget the fact. Again, befriending Akamatsu, as long she kept herself together, didn’t seem bad. Considering how lonely it’s been since Kokichi found out Saihara was his soulmate, Miu knew that the loneliness was starting to get to her too.

Then, her brain snapped back to three mornings ago and what Kokichi had said.

Maybe...writing on her skin wasn’t a terrible idea? And she could talk to Akamatsu about it while they were hanging out to..collect intel on the whole soulmate thing? From there, Miu could definitely find ways to make sure that this situation ended in her favor. Push comes to shove, this could be a one time thing too.

It sounded like a good enough idea at the moment, so she reached to the desk beside her bed and pulled out a pen. She was going to go for her old, reliable cyan pen that wrote with a buttery consistency she adored, but decided against it. She was sure that she used it enough that anyone with half a brain cell would figure her out. Saddened, she pulled out a standard black pen that she was sure she could wipe off before she and Akamatsu met up.

Should she change how she wrote things too? Just to be safe?

Miu decided she’d write slower so her handwriting was more cute and curly. Her work handwriting was a lot more practical, albeit messy, so it got the job done during projects, but it was best avoiding it here for obvious reasons. She would have to avoid the cutesy writing in front of Akamatsu now, but it was a hassle to write in anyways.

Pausing above the skin, Miu allowed herself to wonder for a moment what Akamatsu’s reaction might be. Miu figured it would probably be excited given the way she talked about it at the cafe a couple of days ago. The excitement would fade, Miu didn’t doubt that, but it would always be a matter of when. At some point, soulmarks would lose their spark and Akamatsu would see it no different than a temporary scrape on her skin. It happened to her parents, so Miu knew it would be ignorant to assume she was impenetrable from that sort of fate.

She pushed that thought back. Not tonight.

With careful, poised fingers, Miu began writing on the back of her hand one word. As she wrote, she remembered being young and accidentally marking her skin up during the dozens of middle school crafts, but, by now, those moments must have been blurry memories to Akamatsu. So, as someone who had always made a point of never writing on their skin, she was sure this would be one hell of a brief introduction.

Finishing the word, she sat back and scrutinized her work with a shaky sigh. Rolling over to her LED light remote and flicking them off with a tap, she decided she’d deal with the repercussions tomorrow. In the moonlight of her room, though, she could still see the little black “hello” on her hand as she fell into unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will have more Kaede moments, don't worry! The plot will also start moving a bit quicker, but I wanted to make a solid beginning to build off of. :)
> 
> I appreciate comments even if it's there to point out an error! Anyways, have a good day!
> 
> https://www.buymeacoffee.com/Lumeriee


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I was a bit quicker with edits this week, so I apologize if some things read a bit weird. Also, for some reason, formatting is really fighting me, so that might off too. So, as usual, let me know! (I'll try to fix it at some later point for the obvious mess-ups.)
> 
> Song: Waterfalls Coming Out Your Mouth by Glass Animals (https://youtu.be/xUqjPOYOOBY)  
> *Why? The song is a bop and I'm sure Miu could relate to one (if not more) lines :)
> 
> The songs will get more applicable as time goes on, but, hopefully, I can introduce some of my favorite bands/songs to people reading.

Staring down her image in the mirror at a kiosk stand, Miu decided she had come too early. It was past noon, so there was a buzz of chatter and noises radiating all around her from other patrons. This made it easy to blend into the background and stress herself out as she awaited the other girl to show up. No doubt it would become busier as the day crept on, especially while she was with Akamatsu. With that, at least there would always be some kind of distraction, rather than a bored, agonizing silence if they couldn't find anything to say.

Miu sighed as she peeked at the clock on her phone. Roughly twenty minutes early. While she should be using it to mentally prepare, Miu found it much easier to lose herself in the questions that crawled to the forefront of her mind. Like, for instance:

Was this even a good idea?

How in the hell did she convince herself to write on her hand?

What if Akamatsu somehow figured it out already?

Did she overdress?

It was warm enough that Miu decided to dress with more of her skin on display. For bottoms, she decided to wear blue denim shorts, cuffed, that rested just above her fingertips when she rested her hands on her thighs. Finding a belt for the shorts had taken the longest, but she eventually settled on a staple, black belt. Otherwise, her white, v-neck cami was tucked into her bottoms and a dark pink bomber jacket topped it. She’d tie the jacket around her waist if it got too hot, but, on the off chance this outing was extended, she didn’t want to freeze her ass off if the weather decided to flip-flop towards the night.

Her signature gloves were on her hand as well. She never went without them, of course, but they were _essential_ today. Underneath the glove's cover rested rubbed-raw skin from when she attempted to remove the pen's markings the night before. While it stung with every harsh rub against her skin, it being erased was better than the alternative of the drawing, somehow, being uncovered and Akamatsu seeing.

And there was no way _in hell_ she was letting that happen.

Giving herself a look over once, then twice, she decided it was fine. She hadn’t even done anything different with her makeup and didn’t excessively accessorize. She looked normal, so there was no use panicking over it.

She repeated the thought over and over in her head. It did little to calm her down, however.

After a couple of minutes of bouncing her leg and clawing at her nails, Miu jumped when her phone began ringing in her lap. When she turned her phone screen over, she felt her face grow pale when she saw Akamatsu's name on the called ID.

She was prepared to see her face to face, phone calls were something else entirely. Still, with shaky fingers, Miu accepted the call.

“Hey, Iruma. I’m sorry I’m running a little late! I’m here though! Where are you at?”

“Oh, uh, I’m by-” Iruma fumbled, standing up to find the most noticeable object in her vicinity.

“Wait! I think I see you!”

And Akamatsu did. Miu could hear the girl’s voice coming from somewhere behind her and turned.

Well, now Miu felt underdressed.

Akamatsu came up to her wearing a light pink sundress that bounced at her knees with each movement, with the middle cinched with a black belt to compliment the curve of her pear body. While she was dressed modestly, the skin that was on display was an unblemished, milky-white color; one that did little to hide the red exhaustion from physical exertion. She had what appeared to be a denim jacket wrapped around her arm as she held her cell phone between her shoulder and ear.

One thing Miu knew for certain was that some people in the world were so pretty it  _ hurt  _ and–without a shred of doubt–Akamatsu was that type of person. Her normal attire did little to hide it, but Akamatsu appeared to glow in the sea of desaturated store signs and people. With butterflies clawing in her stomach, Miu was glad she didn’t have time to admire further.

Finally catching up to Miu, Akamatsu let out a deep exhale as she attempted to catch her breath.

“I’m so sorry, Iruma!” Akamatsu set her purse down to pull on the denim jacket. “My family decided last minute they were going to visit and take me to a fancy restaurant for breakfast. I found out early this morning and I thought I would have time, but my twin sister kept asking me questions! I lost track of time!”

She looked so remorseful; it almost made Miu laugh. Miu could remember people leaving her hanging before without so much as a “sorry.” Right now, Miu wasn’t even sure how late Akamatsu had been either. It  _ couldn’t _ have been that long and, more so, she had bothered to show up. The same couldn’t be said about people she had in her past.

“No, it's fine! That’s how family is, right?” Miu said, despite knowing very well she didn’t have the experience to back it, “You could have canceled this though. I would have understood-”

“No!” Akamatsu said, frantically waving her hands as if to dismiss the idea, “I was  _ super _ excited about this! And...I don't want you thinking I'm not punctual, okay! Me being late is a one-time thing, okay?"

A weird feeling of giddiness bubbled in her gut. Miu wasn't sure of the source, but it persisted within her and Miu had to pinch her wrist to prevent the feeling from taking visible form.

“Honestly, I was kinda dazed out. I didn’t notice you were late,” Miu said, finding herself laughing despite her nerves. She wondered after if it had sounded forced. “You could have pretended you weren’t late and I wouldn’t have known.”

“You’re kidding,” Akamatsu groaned, grabbing her purse and cuddling it to her chest as she pouted, “Well...I guess it's fine! I would have known and that would have been just as bad!”

Akamatsu stopped suddenly, giving Miu a long once-over. Her eyes slowly worked their way up, seemingly observing every detail in Miu’s outfit. Miu immediately felt insecurity begin to take form within her. She began internally fretting if the scuffs on her shoes were that noticeable or if the Akamatsu could tell there was a barely-visible paint stain on the cuff of her shorts.

“You look so cute today!”

Miu could feel the blush over her, stinging her cheeks in a vibrant heat.

“Aweee! Now you look cuter!”

"Stoppppp!" Miu groaned, blocking her face with her hands. In terms of faking confidence, she was close to a master in skill. With Akamatsu, it seemed all those hours on psychology forums and advice columns were thrown in the trash because her brain wouldn't cooperate. It had to be a side effect of Akamatsu's personality too: Miu was certain she had seen others act similarly when confronted with her, so Miu decided it must be that.

Akamatsu was impervious to Miu’s internal struggle, tapping the edge of her chin in thought before reanimating once more.

“Oh!” Akamatsu said, her eyes widening, “I just realized I never said it directly! You’re invited to my recital if you think that you can make it! Oma and Shui will be there too! It's semi-formal, but we could find you an outfit too if you’d like? I think it would be fun!”

Miu paused long enough for Akamatsu to speak once again.

“That wasn’t too presumptive, right? Or do I need to tone it down a bit?” Akamatsu laughed, rubbing her fingers together.

“No! No...I was just thinking and”– Miu shook her head to stop herself from rambling–”I like the idea too! I could always use more clothes! Engineering projects tend to ruin them.”

“Oh, I bet,” Akamatsu agreed, “But you always look cute and put together!”

Miu turned her face away this time, muttering a small thanks. Breathing out a small breath, she turned back to find Akamatsu grinning mischievously, probably relishing in seeing the reaction twice.

Miu decided that Akamatsu being with Saihara must have been a bad combo: the female was too good at picking up details, reading far too into her microexpressions for Miu's comfort. It made her nervous and she internally kicked herself; hoping that the mental assault would prevent her from further embarrassment or, worse, discovery.

“We should probably get going.” Miu looked around the mall. The sooner this get-together end, the sooner she could be safe back in her room again. “Where did you want to shop, Akamatsu?”

“Hmmmmm,” Akamatsu mused, before pointing to a popular outlet nearby, “I bet we could both find good stuff there!”

Miu nodded and they both made their way over.

***

A couple of hours passed since their initial meeting and the sky grew dark meanwhile, the luminescence of store signs and street lights the only thing distinguishable in a sea of black outside the mall windows. Despite her feelings going into the event, Akamatsu’s presence had a calming effect on her as long as she didn’t think too hard about it.

Akamatsu was accepting and understanding to a fault, much more than Miu would have expected out of her or, _well_ , anyone for that matter. That must have been the main reason that Miu didn’t feel as bothered when she slipped up and was excessively vulgar, especially towards the end of the event.

Miu remembered the worst of it came when she saw a tall, round man squabbling around a gothic, lolita girl at an alternative clothing store. The gears in her brain started turning and she absentmindedly said something about how masochistic he was. And how he’d probably love for her to step on him with those big, black boots she wore. And how he’d probably  _ really really _ like her to use the pointed end of her boot to-

Miu stopped the recollection there, not wanting to spring up the embarrassment again of how hard she let her perverted thoughts hit. Despite hammering out a bunch of perverted things with Kokichi as a preventative measure before the event, it did little to stop her. Akamatsu didn't even look bothered though; not with the more minor comments to the most embarrassing one.

No, instead, Akamatsu paused at Miu’s comment about the lolita, smiled, and said, “Ah, you really think so? She does look a bit domineering to me, so I bet that could happen.”

The nauseating, fluffy warmth that filled her chest when she heard that response was like no other. Miu couldn't really think of anyone–even Kokichi–who took what she said in stride and entertained her imaginings. Most, in Miu's prior experiences, would give her a _look_ that was some part disgust and another part embarrassment. Then, they would move on as if she hadn't spoken in the first place.

Miu stretched her legs with a soft groan when they finally took a seat at a free table in the food court. They had only been trying on clothes, but her body ached like they had been exercising. In a sense, maybe it had been that too: stretching, fastening, tugging, fighting with buttons, and then runway walking in the narrow hall outside the changing rooms to show the other female. Altogether, it was enough to knock anyone out.

All the while Miu was having a mini-mental workout too which involved keeping her gloves completely on and trying to conceal how worried she was about it. It had been hours, but the skin was still a vibrant red and felt sore. At multiple points during outfit changes, she would drill in a mental note to find a different method of erasing ink on her skin because the current one was not cutting it. It would be a shitty situation to be in every time she wanted to test the whole writing thing. Well, if she decided to continue the whole charade anyway.

"Hey, Iruma," Akamatsu said, rousing Miu who was sucking absentmindedly at her iced coffee, "I was curious about something. You can say no if you don't feel comfortable though."

“...What are you curious about?” Miu asked as she coked an eyebrow. Apprehension stirred within her, not liking the vague nature of the statement.

Akamatsu was silent for another moment, using her paper straws to push around the whip creme in her mocha. Then, she looked up, her eyes almost seeming to sparkle.

“Well, I was hoping I could call you by your first name? Iruma is really pretty and all, but I was hoping that, since we’re friends, we could make it feel more official?”

Miu paused for a moment, feeling the vulnerability needle at her back, before asking, “Are you sure you want to be friends with me though?”

“Of course I do!” Akamatsu said, laughing as if it were silly of Miu to ask, “Hanging out with you has been fun! There’s never a dull moment. Anyways, who wouldn’t like a cutie like you?”

Miu bit down hard on her bottom lip, mentally groaning. Out of all words, Miu wondered why cutie had become her trigger. Miu could call herself a beautiful, busty, sexy, goddess aloud and not even flinch. So, why was something innocent like “cutie” messing her up?

Hoping any remnant of a blush subsided, Miu responded with forced nonchalance.

“Well, I know I can be a bit brash and my looks and brain can only do so much.”

Akamatsu giggled this time,

“Brash or not, you're fun and sweet. Oma tells Shuichi things about you sometimes, so I had high hopes! Now, after hanging out, I’m only more certain that having you as a close friend will be a good thing.”

It wasn’t “friend” anymore, Miu noted, but “ _close”_ friend.

“I…” Miu said, considering her next words carefully, “I’d like that too, _Kaede.”_

Kaede's face twitched when her name was said before a grin followed suit. She reached over the table and held Miu's hands that rested on the table. It took everything in Miu's body to not flinch away.

“Then, let's do it, Miu! Just wait until I tell Shui!” Kaede laugh, “And you better tell Oma that I might steal his best friend away from him too at this rate!”

Then, after a moment or two, Kaede pulled her hand away and leaned back into her seat.

Miu laughed in response to Kaede, muttering something about wishing her luck as Kaede challenged the idea more. Being her friend, Miu allowed herself to think that much, it felt right. Admittedly, Miu did have to do some mental gymnastics to not see Kokichi as her only option when the word “friend” crossed her mind. Even so, the change had many doors opened to her and, maybe it was naive, Miu felt excited at all the possibilities of having a _female_ friend again. She hoped Kaede shared that vigor too. If not, Miu knew she was going to feel real fucking stupid when she found out otherwise.

The smile on Kaede's face seemed to suggest so. So Miu let herself believe it. Just this once.

"It's weird not having the boys with us though," Kaede said and Miu nodded, "I mean, I like it, of course. Still, I almost feel like I should be hearing flirting between the two every time it gets quiet. I guess that's soulmates for you though."

_ Soulmates _ . The mention of it had her spiraling down from the high she was just on. Why did it always have to cycle back to that?

Kaede caught the mood shift too, eyebrows furrowing at Miu’s grimace.

"I know you weren't exactly Gung ho about finding your soulmate"–Kaede paused as if she expected immediate retaliation–"...but I think you deserve to, Miu. You're a good person and the idea of someone making you happy like that...well, it makes me happy too! When Shui told me about Oma, I was so happy that I cried...So, I mean it when I say this: I think you deserve someone who makes you happy."

The fact Kaede put together her dislike for soulmates made this easier: there was no point in avoiding her caution and dislike of the topic. Furthermore, this looked like an opening to understanding the other side like Kokichi had suggested, so Miu, with some hesitation, pressed further. Regardless if she disagreed or it was utter nonsense, she could have the upper hand if she used the situation.

Miu, however, couldn’t deny the oddity of the situation though: two soulmates speaking about soulmates when only  _ one  _ knew.

“How can you know a soulmate can offer that?” Miu asked, keeping her tone even, “Make me happy? Stay with me? There’s no actual guarantee, right?”

Kaede was silent for a moment.

"Maybe not…" Kaeda admitted. Her shoulder slumped for just a minute, but she regained her vitality just as easily. "But I know that, if it were me, I'd never let you go! You're pretty, smart, and I already said I liked your personality! You really are great, Miu! That's why I'm so glad we could become friends like this. Your soulmate would be lucky to have someone like you."

Guilt washed over her like she was committing some atrocious sin by not telling Kaede. Yet, even with that feeling, Miu knew that every bone and muscle in her body wouldn't let that confession go past her lips. Not today, not ever.

“My soulmate…”

Kaede spoke with a sweet, loving tone and her face softened as the words left her mouth. Miu felt her stomach twinge again and swallowed hard. Kaede, however, continued as much as Miu wished she would stop.

“...They actually wrote back to me, Miu! It must have been the piano you drew that did it!”

“Ah…” Miu's brain felt distant as she clutched hard onto the edge of her jacket, prodding her hand with the edge of the zipper. “That’s good. What did they say?”

Kaede flashed her eyes up at Miu; eyes distant, glazed over,  _ dreamy. _

"It said 'hello,'" Kaede rubbed the spot it would have been given Miu hadn't erased it on her own hand as a somber smile perked up at the corner of her lips. "I'd show you, but it's already gone."

Kaede looked down at her hand again; tracing the flesh where Miu had written on her own a few days ago with practiced familiarity. Sighing, Kaede looked up to Miu with a bittersweet smile, "It sucks because it made me so happy, but I didn't think to take a picture until it was too late! I couldn't even think of what to respond with either because I was so excited."

_ Excited? _ Miu guessed as much, but to hear it confirmed was another thing. It was funny to think that, in another reality, she could have fallen into those words; pretending heart-breaking, broken promises weren't a reality. Maybe it was luck that she knew otherwise, but, on the other hand, ignorance was truly bliss.

"I bet that really sucked. I mean, it got to stay for a couple of days right?" Miu said, before realizing her error and quickly adding, "Maybe they're waiting for you to respond? Or got nervous when you didn't?"

Kaede's eyes widened at that.

“That’s true! What should I write then?” Kaede said, clapping her hands together, “I’ll need you to psych me up too, okay?”

As much as she felt otherwise, Miu knew she had to play a role. She went all in.

“O-of course! As your friend, I’d do that no questions asked!” Miu said, hoping that confidence could cover her unease, “Maybe you should write a hello back? Or maybe some hints about who you are?”

“Mmm, Oma was pretty spot on about the piano. What else should I write?”

Miu paused to think before an idea occurred. She said it, not thinking.

“Maybe...the college’s emblem? Maybe then you could get an idea of if they’re nearby?”

Miu then realized how much she royally screwed herself with that statement. After a mental self-beating, Miu decided to tone down on the acting.

“That’s...a good one! I’ll do it as soon as I get home,” Kaede said, glancing at her phone and standing up from the table, “We should probably head back to our apartments tonight, I’m feeling pretty beat. Do you need any help getting your clothes home?”

“No, I-”

Miu went to pick up her bags but felt the plastic handles pinch at her skin and let out a pained whine. When she went to set the bags down and readjust, she noticed her glove had been dragged down, exposing the tip of the red, raw skin to the world.

She looked up to see if Kaede had seen it and, when she saw plum eyes widen, she felt her body grow cold and sweat coat her body. She pulled up her glove quickly, but the damage was done.

“Hey, Miu, did you hurt your hand? That looks pretty painful,” Kaede spoke, her eyes flashing worry. It didn’t  _ seem  _ like any connections were made, so Miu fumbled to think of a response instead of panic. Panicking, Miu knew, would just make this shit storm of luck she received that much worse.

"I...it's from a personal engineering project. As big-brained as I am, I was being a dumbass and didn't wear my gloves and got some chemicals on me. I wiped them off, but…as you can see, it didn't stop it from leaving a mark."

It sounded fake.

But Kaede didn't even hesitate if she noticed, "You're inventions sound cool! I'm sorry about your hand, but...I'd love to see your inventions one day, Miu!"

Miu was quiet for a moment. Then she laughed triumphantly.

"Of course you would! Who wouldn't want a sneak peek into my brain! They don't call me the ultimate inventor for nothing!" Miu said, trying to revert Kaede's focus elsewhere, "But, as payment, you'll have to play piano for me! And the recital doesn't count!"

“For sure! I already planned to,” Kaede smiled again, “I’ll see you soon, Miu _.  _ Careful with your projects next time, okay?”

Miu gave a noncommittal nod and watched Kaede as she left.

Something in her gut said that she had royally screwed up, even if the situation didn’t turn to shit then and there. Kaede wasn’t the type of person she could slip up around without concern and, further, she had Saihara on her side too.

But maybe she was being paranoid?

It seemed to always boil down to that. This time she couldn’t tell if it was unfounded.

"Fuck…" Miu groaned, turning on her heel and walking off too.

***

“Sustainability is stupid.”

“You’re stupid.”

“Screw you, Cockroach.”

“No thanks. I already got Shumai for that.”

Miu snorted at that, throwing her head back into the pillows on her bed. Her room was pretty standard, but the addition of various tools in different locations suggested her interests went beyond the generic pink, college-student bedroom aesthetic she had going on. Even if she didn’t have the tools, she wouldn’t be ashamed either. Fairy lights and color coordination, Miu decided, were pretty damn nice. Screw anyone who thought otherwise.

This was a pretty typical study session and, since it was a sustainability class for a shared bacc-core requirement, they didn’t take it too seriously. Kokichi mostly enrolled in the class to screw around with Miu during lecture and Miu encouraged him because that sounded a lot more fun than faking discussions with other people when the teacher called for it.

Miu knew sustainability was important and she was going to deal with it in engineering jobs as society moved towards greener practices. Even so, she wasn’t about to take it with earnest intent when there were other pressing matters at hand.

“You _really_ already fucked him? You gotta be kidding. He looks like he’d faint if you tried to suck him off.”

“Oh, so prying into my sex life? Well, I’ll have you know, he’s real fucking kinky. Why do you think I’m wearing this turtleneck? Shumai really likes choking.”

Miu shot up, now scrutinizing what she had thought to be an innocuous black shirt. Eyes wide, Miu considered the dark, purple marks that must on his neck–

“It’s a lie!”

"Stop lying, ughhhh!" Miu threw her head back once more, rolling her body to face away from the pipsqueak who sat on the beanbag a few feet from her bed, a neglected laptop on his thighs. They weren't great at studying together anyways, even if the class had been interesting. It went without saying that their productivity tended to plummet once around each other. It didn't matter too much in this concept though: it was a class based on sustainability so Miu was sure she could skimp on reading some articles and bullshit a discussion post or multiple-choice quiz.

“Why so mad, bitchlet? Aren’t you into choking?”

A shiver ran through Miu. Giving someone _that_ much trust with a vital body function? That seemed like the start of a romance-horror movie, not some passionate, explicit smut. The more she thought about it, the more this crawling sickness overtook her senses and made her stomach feel queasy. Miu figured it must be a turn-off which was surprising since she'd like to think she was open to _anything_.

She let out a vehement, “No! I’d just prefer if my leader and best friend would let me in on his conquests.”

“Nah, that sounds boring!” Kokichi said, “Now,  _ you and Akamatsu _ , that’s interesting. Wanna tell me about your little date? And the reason why I had to hear about it from Shumai?”

“It wasn’t a date!” Miu groaned, rolling over to face him, “And I...I wasn’t trying to hide it, but I thought if I said something you’d get the wrong idea. I was just helping her shop for a recital outfit. That’s why I kept making all those sex jokes the other day; I was getting them out of my head, so I didn’t scare Kaede off.”

Kokichi squinted at her.

“Kaede? You guys are  _ that  _ close too?”

“No! It’s not like that-”

“Look, cut the bullshit.”

“Huh,” Miu could barely squeak as Kokichi placed his laptop on the ground and jumped on to Miu’s bed. After some violent shoving and rearranging her meticulously placed pillows whilst Miu complained, Kokichi finally slumped against the wall and beckoned her beside him. Miu followed with a grumble, but undeniably obedient.

“I put off this conversation once, but we need to actually talk about it,” Kokichi said, “You need to give me concrete reasons instead of vague excuses.  _ Why  _ are you so uncomfortable with soulmates.”

Miu was silent, unsure if she even really knew what to say. Kokichi knew her well enough though: if he waited long enough the words would come spilling out. It was always to Miu's dismay since she liked to think she'd be able to keep things locked up in the back of her head, especially given her past. Even so, the purple-eyed midget figured her out so quickly, breaking past boundaries she had long since closed off and thought inoperational. Maybe that's why he was such a good leader? He had a perception skill like no other and, for what he couldn't gather based on observation, his charisma filled in which made people want to be honest with him.

It didn’t take long for his charm to work and Miu, through tense lips, spoke.

“Because it’s not guaranteed.”

“What do you mean? It’s soulmates.”

“It’s soulmates, yeah, but that doesn’t mean that soulmates won’t split up. And if you and your soulmate split up and  _ that _ was your perfect match...then any other person  _ won’t  _ work out, right?" Miu tried to explain, rubbing the knuckle of her hand, "You can try to fill the void with dozens of other people, and  _ maybe  _ you'll find something that's a temporary distraction...If that doesn't work, you'll just sit and simmer and never get over it."

“You sound like you're talking from experience.”

Miu breathed a long, hard breath.

“My parents are divorced, Kokichi. They were soulmates.”

Kokichi looked confused, but he didn't speak further as his stare wavered like he was debating how to proceed. It was odd to see him so uncertain.

Contrary to her expectations, Miu didn’t feel the fear she thought would come from admitting it. In the past, she had done so much to avoid being found out too. She had told so many lies to well-meaning teachers and friends when everything in her life seemed to be failing her. Maybe it was the time that made the feeling differ, but the lightness, _the emptiness,_ she felt now seemed to radiate from a deep part within her. It was like she could breathe for the first time in years, but something in the void pricked her bones, reminding her of her vulnerability.

Her situation was an anomaly–an impossibility, really–that her parents managed to acquire. While people would usually turn an eye on nervousness about soulmates since it was _supposed_ to work out, a story like her parents made people stop and stare since it broke that belief. From there, people often wanted to decide that, if a person’s soulmate didn’t work out, then there must be a problem with _them_ , not the process. As a kid from that situation, Miu could only wonder what thoughts people would have for her.

That’s why she didn’t talk about it. It was pure luck Kokichi didn’t find out sooner with how he was though. In the end, telling Kokichi didn’t feel wrong though as much as she thought it would. So, maybe it was to fill the silence or some desperate desire to be heard for once that she decided to keep talking.

"They had issues. I was too young to be told what that meant, but my mother left me and my dad. She'd come back sometimes, but it never worked out. There were so many fights and my mom tried hard to act normal...But, one day, I noticed she looked so...guilty every time she talked to me. Eventually, she stopped. Then she stopped coming altogether"

Another breath, another moment of hesitance. Miu continued.

“At some point, I found out she was dating someone who never met their soulmate. I hadn’t seen her smile like that in years either and, apparently, neither had my dad. It really screwed him up and...he lost it?”

“Lost it?” Kokichi asked, his voice softer than usual.

"Lost it," Miu repeated, before clarifying, "For a while, it was just him babbling about the whole thing. Sometimes denial, but a lot of the time it was him warning me about the whole soulmate thing. He got more reckless as time went on too and, well, one day I got a call-"

She stopped, breathing sharply in through her nostrils.

“He got into an accident at work and died. He didn’t suffer.”

Miu remembered the funeral well. After her father had burned all the social bridges in his life, she had been the only one to go. Her mother called her and talked to her after, but Miu couldn’t remember the conversation, the tone, or anything about it. Sometimes it felt like his death only affected her and it was so hard to be alone in the house they had shared for so long. That was her lowest of lows. She was surprised she ever made it past that. Sometimes she wondered why she ever bothered to.

“...I get it’s not the worst thing I could have dealt with. It could have abuse or some shit.” Miu breaths came in choked gasps. “But I can’t look past it. I can’t help, but see my happy-go-lucky dad from when I was a little turned into that  _ husk _ . If having a soulmate can do that to you, then is it even worth the chance?”

The quiet in response made Miu feel less empty and more queasy. Her first thought was that sharing had been a bad idea after all. More so, that it was inherently wrong for her to push this burden onto her best friend. He hadn't even known her parents and she had never given him much insight into her home life besides her aunt. This was a lot to throw at a person. Another thought grated at her insides though, much worse than the first. It was one that told her that this trauma was as meaningless as she feared and that she was overreacting. More than anything, Miu knew she couldn't handle hearing _that_ possibility come to fruition.

When Kokichi hesitantly leaned into Miu's shoulder and his hand rested on her outer thigh, she felt tears slide down her face and a hiccup caught in her throat.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't be crying. This is dumb. It's been a couple of years already since...and I should be more together than this–"

“Stop. There’s not a timeline for grief,” Kokichi finally spoke, “Thanks for telling me, Miu.”

The room was quiet for a time while Miu collected herself.

Finally, Miu wiped the tears away and steadied her breath, “That’s why I think soulmates are bullshit: there’s no _fucking_ guarantee. And...if we could date anyone, there would always be alternatives if one specific person doesn't work out. Nobody would give a shit if you broke up either. Something like soulmates...I just _can't_.”

Kokichi exhaled hard, silent for a moment.

“Miu, I understand where you’re coming from,” Kokichi began, crawling away from the wall so he could face her, “But don’t forget that you are _not_ your parents. You have control, you can make the choices your parents couldn’t. Not to mention, you have _Akamatsu_. She can be so stupid, but she's fiercely loyal and she doesn't know when to give up-"

Miu tried to look away, but Kokichi grabbed her face and forced her to look him in the eye. She barely managed to hold back the squeak from the sudden contact.

“Listen to me, Bitchlet. _You’re not going to end up like them._ ”

Miu shook at the intensity, wrapping her arms around herself into a hug.

“Even if that was true, how am _I_ supposed to have a soulmate, Kokichi,” Miu said, watching as confusion crossed Kokichi’s face, “I mean...look at me? I know I talk the fuck up about myself, but sometimes...I get to thinking that...why would anyone stay? I can barely make friends, so you’re telling me someone who can _only_ be devoted to me would actually want to stay?”

Kokichi huffed, slumping from his position onto her bed and resting his legs on Miu’s thighs. His eyebrows were furrowed and his black-coated fingernails ran through his hair.

“I know I’m not going to get through to you tonight,” Kokichi sighed again, “But if you really think that, why don’t you ask your soulmate? You’ve got a special advantage.”

Miu scratched her neck, before admitting, “I sort of...already did?”

Kokichi’s eyes widened at that.

“You’re kidding. How in the hell did you manage that?”

"Well, Kaede knew I didn't care about soulmates, but she kept talking about how she thought I deserved to find mine. When I asked her if there was a guarantee to soulmates, she said that, if it were her, she'd…'never let me go.' She said she liked a lot of things about me, but...I think it was just her being nice. Kaede's like that with everyone."

“Oh, yeah, she was totally being nice-”

“Yeah, that what I–"

“No,” Kokichi sat up, slapping her thigh, “That was a lie, dumbass. Fuck, I want to be understanding of your issues, but you _can’t_ be dense. Kaede's nice, but I doubt she'd basically admit to wanting to date you if you were soulmates if she didn't mean it. She'd have steered the conversation elsewhere."

“I don’t think it's that deep, Kich. It was just a slip of the tongue.”

The groan Kokichi let out made her jump.

"Denial. It hurts to see you like this."

“Korkhead, I-” Miu began, feeling a smile perk at the edge of her lips. The tension in the room was starting to dissipate and they could just go back to normal for a while. The idea itself already had her breathing a long sigh of relief.

“It hurts so much, it feels like my head is being bashed in with a hammer.”

“Oh, shut up!” Miu snorted, swatting him off her thighs as his face scrunched up with teary eyes, “And stop fake fucking crying. I don’t want your tears on my bed.”

Kokichi sobs transitioned to laughter. He didn't seem to be acting differently than usual, but Miu could feel that something had changed in their dynamic. It didn't seem like a bad change, but something more complex. Like, maybe, they had reached a new level of appreciation and understanding of the other. With that said, Miu knew that with understanding came a thirst for more answers. Kokichi would surely keep pushing her on her complexes to see what made her tick and time would tell which ones they'd end up being.

Now that that was over, Miu knew she had one other topic she could use his help with.

"She wrote on her hand again," Miu said, "She wanted help finding things that represented her. I, uh, told her she should write the college emblem and she did. Should I write back?"

“You wrote once, right? So, I guess it's up to you Miu if you feel like doing it again. But, if you’re asking me what _I_ would do, I’d fucking do it. I’d rather find out than be left guessing. And, not to mention...”–Kokichi's smile contorted into a menacing grin–“Who doesn’t love being the mastermind of a good old mystery?”

Miu nodded, taking in his words.

_At this point_ , Miu thought, _what else do I have to lose? As long as she doesn't find out..._

Miu reached over Kokichi onto her desk to pull out the same black pen she used last time. Sitting with the pen gripped tight in her hand, Miu considered if lying was a viable option. Maybe, in some sense, it was and she could play her cards right and stay distant from the whole thing. Yet, something deep inside her convinced her perjury wouldn't offer many benefits. Yet, maybe the same could be said about the truth?

Maybe it was something about the conversation they just had, maybe Miu wasn’t in the right state of mind, and maybe this was a bad idea. Even so, Miu found herself pulling off her gloves and copying Kaede’s emblem over to her other hand.

It took a while and Kokichi seemed to doze off by the time she was done, so it gave her ample time to look at her work. The shaky lines vaguely came together to make something similar to the emblem on her other hand. All in all, the message was there and Miu wondered if it was too late to erase it.

Fighting back a sigh, she decided it was and she refocused her attention back on her best friend.

"Hey," Miu said, causing a dazed Kokichi to perk his head up, "So, are you gonna tell me about how you fucked Saihara? Or...how he fucked you?"

“Oh,  _ fuck off _ , whore.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kokichi isn't the best with advice, especially for things like this, but he's trying his best. Anyways, I love when people pair them as best friends. You cannot tell me they didn't have the funniest conversation during trials.
> 
> As a side note, I'm editing a Komaru Naegi/Toko Fukawa soulmate AU (touch soulmate for the first time, you'll be transported temporarily to a future moment with your soulmate). If that's your thing, be on the lookout for it. I drank an energy drink and somehow cranked the whole thing out basically in one day so editing is going to be fun...
> 
> Anyways! See you next week!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Happy Valentine's Day! <3  
> Let me know if you see any errors in grammar, spelling, or fluency!

“K-Kokichi!” Shuichi said, batting away his boyfriend’s advances, “We both have to study for this exam and-”

His eyes flitted over to where Miu and Kaede sat trying to avert their eyes. Miu didn’t mind the idea of sex or sensual antics, but, with a situation like this, she’d rather get the details of any friskiness later. Kokichi was like a little brother too, in an odd sort of way. Seeing  _ him _ engaged in such matters directly was a huge turn-off. Not to mention being an observer wasn’t as fun with another observer present, especially one that Miu didn’t want to disappoint or scare off. Kaede may already know how big of a pervert she was, but Miu didn’t want to press that envelope too far either.

Kokichi’s eyes were catlike, observing her with that familiar smirk while his hands worked up underneath his boyfriend’s shirt all while Saihara fumbled trying to stop him. Miu bit back a scowl, but Kokichi savored the anxiousness she must have been giving off.

“Don’t worry, Shumai! I’m not sure about Piano Freak, but I know cum dump over there has an investment in our relationship. A little  _ too _ deep of an investment if you ask me-”

“Shut up, motherfucker.” Miu interrupted him. Even with her nerves in a mess, she wasn’t about to back down from Kokichi’s obvious attempt at embarrassing her in front of Kaede. She could do that all by herself, thank you very much. “I wasn’t asking for you guys to fuck in front of me. I was just making sure you didn’t tear your ass, Kich.”

His hands retreated from underneath Saihara’s shirt, playing with the hem for a moment before dropping it. Saihara was still reeling from Miu’s comment based on the mortified facial expression, but still let out a relieved sigh all the same now that Kokichi appeared to be backing off.

“That’s not what it looked like to me, whore.” Kokichi climbed off Saihara’s lap to rest in the spot beside him. “Anyways, this is  _ my  _ room. You two should be honored to see such a personal affair.”

Miu looked over to Kaede who was struggling to keep a polite smile on her face. When she caught Miu’s eyes, she offered something more genuine–amused even–before turning back to Saihara. Miu couldn’t be so nonchalant though: the conversation with Kokichi still echoed in Miu’s mind and she wished it could be as easy as that. Forcing this neutral expression was already hard enough, she didn’t know if she could manage anything more. Yet, she didn’t have the option to not act either. She truly was stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Miu leaned over and patted Kaede’s bean bag to grab her attention.

“Hey, Kaede. If he’s annoying like that, feel free to throw some insults back, okay?” Miu watched as Kaede’s eyes peered into her own curiously. “He’s an asshole, but he’s usually just pushing buttons.”

The smile on Kaede’s face relaxed once again. With eyes half-lidded, Kaede reached for Miu’s hand still resting on the bean bag and gave a gentle squeeze to the fingers. As she retracted it, her fingers ran against the leather of the glove. 

“You sound a lot like Shuichi, Miu,” Kaede said, “I’ll keep that in mind. With both of you vouching for him, he must be pretty great.”

“Oh, trust me, that’s an awful opinion to come to,” Kokichi said and, like a magnet, the attention was all on him again. Miu supposed there was safety in that too. 

However, it wasn’t like she wasn’t being observed though. It went without saying that Kokichi may have the attention of the other two, but Miu could tell she still had his. His eyes were only on her for a brief moment, but it was almost like she could hear the clicking of cogs in his brain working against one another. It was needless thinking: there was nothing to dissect.

It was a friendly interaction and Kaede was a touchy person. There was nothing more to it and Miu knew that. Even if the way Kaede’s smooth, long fingers lingered over her gloves hadn’t been a terrible feeling, Miu knew it probably boiled down to how touch-starved she was. The phantom of the touch even managed to remain on her skin even after she removed her hand from Kaede’s bean bag, further cementing the theory in her head.

At least, Miu allowed herself to think, it hadn’t been the rubbed raw hand that received attention. She had kept her composure this time, but she couldn’t say it would have been the same if that hand had been touched instead. As time went on, Miu knew the lies would have to be better, more consistent.

This was a bad situation for someone who sucked at lying as much as she did to be in. While she knew Kokichi was a skilled liar–to the point where lies and truth seemed interchangeable–and she knew that Saihara could lie just as well when prompted. She had never been a direct witness of his perjuries, but that might be because she couldn’t  _ tell  _ either. It’s what Kokichi loved about him too along with his abilities to sniff out contradictions. As for Kaede, Miu didn’t know what to think. She didn’t seem the type to lie or detect lies easily, but looks were deceiving. After all, she was best friends with a detective-to-be, so it wouldn’t be irrational to think certain skills had been picked up. Miu would be stupid to deny that.

Luckily, Kaede didn’t seem to notice anything from their previous encounters, nor did she notice the unintentional stares from Miu. Miu considered that maybe she could count her blessings and assume Kaede was dense enough to not notice or bother. 

Instead, the blonde beside her was returning to the study session that was put aside once Kokichi started his shenanigans. It was mostly for Saihara and Kokichi sake that they were even doing this too since they were the only two in the class. Yet, with that said, it did give the group an excuse to hang out before the two boys had their first midterm. It was also an elaborate scheme on Kokichi’s part too–whether he admitted it or not–with the sole focus of getting Kaede and her together at any possible moment. This had been a recurring theme as of late that his influence always seemed to make happen.

Miu wished he would just give it a break.

“So...with the parts of the brain out of the way,” Kaede said, skimming through the document on her laptop, “It looks like your teacher gave you a ‘love unit?’ Looks like it's a bunch of soulmate questions.”

_ Convenient.  _ Miu wanted to gag.

“Classic Professor Usami move,” Kokichi snorted, “Always obsessed with us getting along with each other. It’s probably  _ super  _ easy.”

Miu grabbed her phone and began to scroll through a social media app. On the surface, she tried to appear as if she wasn’t interested. The truth of the matter was that her ears were already perked for whatever could come out of this conversation. 

The first couple of questions were pretty standard.

“Firstly, when does soulmate writing start to appear?”

Miu knew this one well. It usually occurred sometime after both partners left puberty. While dealing with the “beautiful” transition of becoming a woman and all the hormones that came with that, the worst of her parent troubles had been occurring too. Altogether, it was a perfect blend for an emotional disaster. Even if it was embarrassing to admit, Miu understood that the person she became–fault, anxieties, fears, and so on–came as a result of these moments.

The distrust in soulmates was born of these troubles too. While it was hard to imagine feeling the same now, Miu did remember not minding the idea of soulmates and being  _ excited  _ at some points. When her first soulmark came, Miu hadn’t even been that disgusted either; probably apprehensive at most. It was hard to remember it as a happy moment though since her parent’s complicated relationship had distorted the memory. Even so, every moment from that event was still burned in her memory, even if the feelings associated were no longer as pure.

She had been playing around in her mother’s vanity, makeup surrounding every inch of free space on the white surface. It was a surprise she had seen the mark at all underneath the sloppily applied makeup and the dozens of eyeshadow swatches. Yet, against all odds, she managed to spot thick, black lines traveling up her arms. She ignored it initially too, brushing it off as the remnants of an eyeliner stick she could’ve rolled her arm against, but it was hard to dismiss once it was a full sentence. 

_ “I can’t wait to meet you.” _

The handwriting was shaky, but there was a careful intent in the way it was written. It must have been written a dozen times before while waiting for Miu to catch up.

She remembered slamming down her mother’s bronzer pallet in favor of tracing every segment of line with her fingertip. She was like that for an hour before she moved to the bathroom, washing her skin to rawness to make sure it wasn’t some trick of light or circumstance. In the end, it hadn’t been. That was her first soulmark and the eight years since did little to prevent their occasional reoccurrence even with her own inactivity.

Saihara answered the question and gave Kokichi a look that said he also remembered his first soulmate mark. Kokichi simply shrugged.

“Correct! Here’s the second one: on average, when do most soulmates meet?”

This one pinched at Miu’s gut, but she was aware of the answer: in the early twenties. While the exact reasons aren’t known, hopeless romantics claimed spiritual pulls led people to discover their soulmates. Whether or not that was true was up to debate, but Miu liked to think it was hogwash. Well, she would, given she hadn’t found Kaede in that exact timeline. It made it hard not to waver on the matter.

Finding a soulmate was one thing; the speed at which the rest of the relationship takes place was another. Most people over eighteen were married within months of knowing each other and that was expected by society as a whole. The newer generations tended to take it much slower than the ones in the past, but it was still sort of shocking to bear witness to. While Miu found the idea of pointless hookups fun, it was another entirely to marry someone after barely a year. 

Before her father’s accident, Miu remembered sitting on her laptop and binging through a multitude of scientific articles on the topic. While most people were looking for ways to lessen the time in which soulmates met, Miu was actively doing the opposite in hopes that it could prevent her from ever meeting them at all and facing the consequences of it. It gave little to no information on the topic besides: “more research needed” and that, in essence, “it just happens.”

Her twentieth birthday had been the scariest time of her life; she felt like she was constantly being threatened with the possibility that her soulmate would stumble into her. When a few months passed without incident, Miu assumed she’d make it through the next couple of years with no issue as well as long as she kept up what she was doing. However, that expectation was broken a few weeks back, nearly two months shy of her twenty-first birthday. 

Kokichi had a smug look on his face, teethy and obnoxious, as he knocked Saihara’s shoulder with his own. While the two lovebirds on the bed couldn’t see it, Miu watched as Kaede’s fist clenched from behind her laptop screen. There was simmering guilt in her gut as she watched Kaede’s finger clench to the point of whiteness, but Miu knew she couldn’t offer much to console her. The fear of the alternative was much more convincing than some guilt she could block out.

“Alright, another one: what is considered the love hormone?”

Once it got to bodily chemicals, Miu mostly checked out of the conversation. Occasionally, Kaede’s voice would stir her attention, but, otherwise, her mind drifted to her hand. 

She had erased the college emblem off it prior to coming to this study session. While the pain was nowhere near as bad as last time, Miu couldn’t deny the uncomfortable feeling from the fabric of her glove touching tender flesh. Sanitizer had done a number on the ink on her hand, but, since the college’s emblem was so intricate, it was hard to wipe off without a little extra effort. The pain was worth the reward; she had to cover her tracks and not risk being further exposed, especially after the last close call.

Something harder to cover, though, was the marks she couldn’t erase. Triggered by Miu’s messages, Kaede made it her mission to always have something on her skin, be it a music note or little smiley faces. Sometimes there were words too, but it appeared that Kaede was sticking with pictures for the most part. Kaede erased some of her images too, but it was typically after a couple of days. Miu considered responding, but she couldn’t bring herself to mimic the enthusiasm. If Kaede was bothered by it, however, she didn’t let anyone know. She seemed as bright as always.

Part of Miu wondered if she was hurt by the lack of response. If she was, then, just  _ how  _ good was Kaede at covering up her emotions? She knew so little about the other. Breaching that gap, but remaining distant was her only option (as oxymoronic as it sounded) was probably her bet at figuring that out without putting herself at risk of exposure.

Several questions passed before Miu heard Kokichi groan. Miu set her phone down beside her thigh and sat up from her horizontal position on the floor, curious about the incoming show. When her eyes caught the little terrors eyes glazed over in boredom, she knew the study session was over. If anyone assumed they were going to get him back on topic at this point, they’d be sorely mistaken.

As expected, he disregarded Kaede’s question in favor of climbing into Saihara’s lap. Saihara’s face reddened at the abrupt action but still allowed Kokichi to wrap his limbs around his neck and pull him in close, tucking his head into the nook of the taller boy's neck, mouth ghosting above distinct collarbones. 

When Kokichi brought his lips up to the other boy’s ear to whisper something, Miu knew she had to cut him off before Saihara popped a boner or Kaede’s discomfort at the intimacies became palpable. Both of which seemed like a chaotic way to end a study session and Miu figured that’s why Kokichi was doing it. Either that or he was aiming for some series of events to take place, but, knowing the gremlin, she would only know long after the fact. It was the natural order of things when it came to Kokichi anyways.

“God, stop it, you fuckin’ twink. I didn’t sign up to watch a live porno.” Miu watched as Kaede averted her eyes, her face flushed. “If you guys can’t behave, I’m gonna steal Kaede and hang out with her at my apartment. At least there we won’t have to see you horny motherfuckers go at it.”

Miu meant it as a joke mostly. 

Although, she couldn’t deny the side of her that liked the idea of one on one time with Kaede. With others, especially Kokichi, it felt like her actions were prone to be misunderstood or over-analyzed. As a result, it was hard to fully enjoy the other girl’s optimism and energy which was a nice change of pace most days. Although that wasn’t to say Miu was  _ completely  _ comfortable with Kaede yet or that she wanted to jump into being soulmates–the  _ idea  _ itself made Miu want to jump ship. No, she liked the idea of having Kaede as a friend.  _ That’s  _ what she wanted. 

Maybe it was dumb to play chicken with the situation?

Miu wasn’t too certain either way.

“Really, Miu?” Kaede jumped up in her seat and smiled in a way that made Miu feel dizzy. “That better be a promise! We have to have a  _ girls’  _ day at your apartment soon, okay? It’ll be so much fun!”

Miu felt a familiar panic rise in her, but it was much too late to decline.

“Yeah, sure...I’ll text you. Maybe sometime this weekend.”

Kokichi and Miu’s roommate had been the only other people that had been inside her room besides herself. Would Kaede think her living space was weird? Fitting? Messy? It was hard to guess the reaction, but Miu was curious as to what Kaede might say or do upon entering it.

On that same train of thought, Miu wondered what Kaede’s room looked like. Did it smell sweet like her perfume? Was it decorated with pianos or music notes? Did she also take ideas from bedroom aesthetic blogs? Was it pink? With a girl like Kaede, she felt like she could make hundreds of guesses and never be exactly right.

“You better, Miu! I’m so excited!”

Despite the burning reluctance in her chest, Miu couldn’t deny the idea had some appeal. With forced normalcy, Miu grinned back at her. If she could ignore that smug look on Kokichi’s face, the moment would be perfect too.

***

Like promised, Kaede was set to be in Miu’s room come Sunday evening. Unlike Miu’s initial plan, they had ended up deciding to make a sleepover of the whole occasion since Kaede had a class in the morning and Miu lived closer to campus anyways. In preparing for the night, Miu had been in a frenzy for hours cleaning up every spec of dust in her room and washing all of her bedding. There was no way in hell she was going to allow herself to give off the wrong impression on their first sleepover and definitely not one where she was a  _ slob _ .

Whilst cleaning, Miu realized that it had been years since she had had a proper sleepover too. With Kokichi, it was almost always a spur of the moment deal. Basically, they’d do the same things as usual: talk shit, eat, and plan out schemes before they both passed out in their respective places in the room. With Kaede, she couldn’t tell if she should prepare something grander or just let things flow naturally.

Before she could come up with some conclusion, Kaede was at the apartment door with a stuffed backpack hanging off her shoulders and a toothy grin. Her hair was in a cute fishtail braid and cute, casual outfit to match. When Kaede walked past her into the living room, Miu realized she was wearing light makeup as well that complimented her features well. Having just got out of the shower and applied all her skin and hair care, Miu felt a smidge inferior and embarrassed that she hadn’t dressed up more.

After Kaede removed her shoes and placed them beside the shoe rack, she peered around the room with earnest interest. It was a small place, but it was ideal with its proximity to campus and the rent. God knew Miu couldn’t afford the nice student housing at the edge of campus: that was for the rich kids.

The open floor plan showcased the majority of the apartment to Kaede’s eyes and Miu anxiously awaited for what Kaede might say. It wasn’t what Miu would have desired for her first living room, but it was hard to budget out some money on the side to decorate a space she wasn’t typically in and when she had a roommate’s preferences to keep in mind. 

Her roommate and herself had decided early on what it would look like though and brought corresponding items in the hopes it would work out. Some of the notable items Mui had brought were the fairy lights that she strung around the windows, a tan futon, and a tropical leaf tapestry. Otherwise, the mesh of throw pillows and clutter objects had lost their ownership a long time ago which, admittedly, would be annoying when it came time for Miu to move on from this arrangement. For now, however, she let all the items find their home within the sea of green, tan, and yellow.

“It’s a cute place!” Kaede said, “I’m jealous, actually. Maki and I don't really share a common interest in decor. It’s a battle between pastels and dark neutrals for us.”

“Oh,” Miu said, shaking her head, “Koizumi and I clash too. If she had her way, the room would be covered head to toe in photos and souvenirs. Ya know, the kinda shit that Shinguji would freak out over it. I basically agreed to an island design for her sake so we wouldn’t fight before we even lived together.”

This was her first year living off-campus with the two prior years spent in a two-person dorm room. Her first year she had had a roommate, but the second her randomly assigned roommate dropped out early, leaving the place to herself. So, when it came to living with Koizumi, Miu really tried to hold her tongue to not scare her off. They had met at the LGBT+ Alliance club during their first year of college, so Koizumi sorta knew what she was getting into and they didn’t dislike each other enough that being roommates seemed impossible. Still, there was a divide between Miu and the mild-mannered, yet bossy girl; one that Miu often couldn’t place. In the end, Miu let it be, leaving their relationship to strictly roommates.

“Koizumi’s your roommate? Mahiru Koizumi?” Kaede gasped, “I heard she won a national photography contest last spring? Is that her photography on the walls?”

On the wall adjacent to the hallway, Koizumi had meticulously lined the space with photographs. In keeping with the island theme, she had taped up photographs from her winter trip last year to the island of Jabberwock. They were good photos; aesthetic and beautiful without a doubt. When people were present in the photos, Koizumi had a certain magic in capturing the beauty people often overlook.

Miu would never admit to that aloud though. She already learned her lesson from showing interest once and she wasn’t about to let it happen again.

“Yeah, yeah,” Mui answered, before beckoning Kaede to follow her, “But let’s not give her a big head. She’s here right now: we can look at them next time.”

“Next time, huh? Already inviting me again?” Kaede teased.

Miu was surprised when the comment only threw her off for a moment.

“Well, yeah. Anyways, you should be glad I’m penning you into my schedule. Make sure you entertain me.”

“Entertain, huh?”

“Oh, shush.”

When Kaede’s smile didn’t waver, Miu took the initiative to begin walking down the hall to her room. There was no point in putting it off further and risking some twist of fate snatching away Kaede right before they finally got to spend personal time together.

_ Personal time, _ the concept echoed in Miu’s mind. 

When Kaede walked into her room, she heard Kaede mention how it fit her personality. Miu wasn’t quite sure what to take from that, but Miu, using her limited deduction skills, decided to take it as a well-meaning thing.

The fairy lights made a return in this room but instead framed the ceiling right before the smooth drywall met popcorn texture. Thanks to numerous command strips, she had managed to cover up the sandy-colored walls with some posters and pictures. The hardwood floor was a gross brown color that was hard to cover up, but she had splurged on a giant, plush carpet that managed it for the most part. On the off chance her inventions got messy, there were some drop cloths tucked neatly against the wall beside her desk. Her curtains, sadly, were fixed with the typical blinds one would find in cheap apartments, but her engineering skills allowed her to finagle a white drape over it and it only looked sort of out of place. 

Otherwise, the main furniture in her room consisted of a desk, a giant dresser with a TV on top, a rolling tool cart, and her bed. Her bed was her favorite part: she spent a shit ton of money on making that thing comfortable. Her room's main colors flourished here too with a mix of cyan, whites, and pinks in a heap of pillows and blankets.

Overall, Miu liked to think it didn’t look too bad, but maybe that was wishful thinking. It’s not like she had anyone tell her affirmatively. Kokichi, who basically lived in her room at some points during the summer, never mentioned anything about her room besides the initial, obligatory, “Wow, it’s not a sex dungeon!”

The only thing that Miu figured might stick out like a sore thumb was the sheer number of tools spread out everywhere despite her attempts to hide them away. Her inventions, on the other hand, were tucked away in the dresser beside her desk. Some were...more than x-rated, so it was for the best.

Kaede set her bags down in a free corner and stood in the middle of the room. Despite seeming so excited moments earlier, Kaede’s disposition changed to something more quiet, contemplative. Before Miu could question if this change was a fault of her own and cycle through any possible transgressions, Kaede spoke.

“Have we graduated to spontaneous hugs yet?” Kaede asked, offering a tentative smile, “I do it all the time with Shui, so it’s  _ really _ hard to not do the same to you! But I don’t want to overstep, you know?”

Miu wiped away the sweat on her brow.

“Oh,  _ fuck _ , that’s why you were so nervous?” It took Miu only a moment to realize the request  _ also  _ made her very nervous. “I mean...go ahead if you want. Just don’t cop a feel or some shit if that’s your goal–”

Miu didn’t have time to say another word when Kaede embraced her, nearly knocking all the air out of her too. As she attempted to catch her breath, Miu heard a soft “sorry” from the other as her arms rested low around her. Miu returned the hug; shaky finger wrapping around the other.

The first thing Miu noticed was that she smelled much better up close, definitely more than perfume. It was a unique fragrance too, something Miu was far too overwhelmed to pick apart and analyze beyond the general consensus that she smelled sweet. That conclusion was an understatement to the aroma, but it was the best Miu could come up with. Beyond a doubt though, Miu knew Kaede smelt good and Miu could only hope Kaede felt the same about her.

The next thing Miu noticed was how soft and curvy Kaede was. While it wasn’t an intentional thought, Miu was very much aware of the other girl's chest. Miu knew hers was bigger based on visuals alone, an odd skill she picked up from watching so much porn, but it didn’t make the other girl’s boob any less massive or distracting in her mind. From this, Miu wondered where her hands were supposed to go. Was she doing it right? Was she  _ supposed  _ to be putting her hands on top of Kaede's bra strap? Or was she being weird? That’s where her arms wanted to naturally sit, so she assumed she was doing fine, but, again, she never gave much thought to what she had done previously. 

One final thought crossed Miu’s mind: the very same hand she had drawn on that day was touching Kaede. She couldn’t erase this one. As much as it freaked her out to leave her own drawings on her skin when she met with Kaede, she couldn’t keep erasing them before every meeting. No doubt such coincidences would draw attention and it would be all too damning. So she left it: a small drawing of a flower she liked. As a result, Kaede was so close to the truth right now and she didn’t even know it. But, perhaps, that could be said every time they met up. Nevertheless, Miu made sure to pull up her glove as far up her wrist as it could go just to be safe as she pulled away from the hug.

“Sorry, I got too caught up in that! It was just nice to finally hug you, Miu!” Kaede giggled, allowing Miu to take a step back, “Although it was a little hard with your boobs in the way.”

Miu sputtered at that, feeling a familiar heat rise to her face.

“Sorry, I’m not flat-chest Saihara-”

“Don’t be! It was a very soft hug!” Kaede's eyes sparkled and Miu could tell she was having fun teasing her. “But anyway! I want to see your inventions if you’re still willing!”

Miu’s went blank to that, face scratching up to match the confusion. Despite their previous conversation, Miu hadn’t anticipated that Kaede would  _ actually  _ want to see her inventions. It seemed more like something of politeness; something one would bring up as a formality before brushing it under the rug to never be brought up again. That’s how it had been in the past, anyways.

“Are you sure? You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Miu squeaked. Her hands found her forearm, digging fingernails into the delicate skin and leaving crescent indentations in their wake.

“Is this your way of getting me on my knees to beg again?” Kaede teased, winking an eye at Miu, “Don’t worry, cutie! I’m just joking. I  _ asked _ to look at them, so of course I want to. But only if you’re comfortable with it.”

Miu contemplated it for a second. It wasn’t like she was ashamed of her inventions. No, her inventions, no matter how weird, were her pride and joys. In most cases, she’d shout them from the rooftop too. With Kaede, regular things were so hard and needlessly complex. Miu felt like she was walking on eggshells. It was a dumb dilemma since they were only  _ friends _ . If Kokichi said something bad about her work, she’d slap him down. She didn’t think she convince herself to do the same to Kaede, however.

Miu decided to show her the SFW inventions. That couldn’t be a bad decision.

When Miu was about to agree, she detected another shift in mood. Looking to Kaede, she watched as the other girl averted her eyes, nibbling at her lips. When Kaede caught Miu’s eye, she sighed and gave a troubled smile. She didn’t seem mad, but, if Miu was reading her right, maybe guilty?

“Actually, Miu, I did ask Shui about some of the stuff you’ve made. I did want to keep it a surprise, but…” Kaede began, rubbing her neck, “I was just really curious and...he told me about what you had shown him before. I know you create a lot of helpful stuff, but he said to ask you about  _ those _ if I really wanna see your genius in action.”

Kaede brushed away the guilty expression and tried to replace it with a more encouraging, hopeful smile. Miu, on the other hand, felt her face freeze in abject horror.  _ Which  _ inventions did Saihara had ratted her out on? It was fun to tease him, so Miu didn’t feel any embarrassment from showcasing them to him and she rarely, if ever, held back even with her more gratuitous ones.

This was  _ Kaede  _ though and seeing her become disgusted-

Miu didn’t even want to think about it.

“I know I should have let you be the one that tells me about your  _ passion  _ projects, but I’m glad I know. I like the idea of getting a better look into your head,” Kaede said, “So...if you’re still comfortable, I’d really like to see those as well.”

There were three options: accept, reject, or rain check. Rain checking wouldn’t be too bad, but putting off stress when she was already an anxious person sounded like a terrible idea. In the end, it was better to tear off the bandaid. Rejecting, on a different note, seemed much too harsh for someone who seemed to have a genuine interest and Miu knew Kaede’s face of disappointment would make her nauseous. With her current understanding of the other female, Miu was certain Kaede would take it to heart. Accepting meant mortification, but, assuming Kaede’s personality didn’t suddenly warp, it would be done and over with after. Hell, it might ever make future encounters easier since she wouldn’t have to tiptoe about the specifics of her hobby.

So, with a shaky breath, Miu agreed.

“God…” Miu sighed, “Okay...just because it’s you.  _ Next time _ you’re gonna have to beg to see commodities like these.”

Kaede let out a sigh; expression falling into something more relaxed, perhaps even pleased.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“A-And, just remember that  _ you  _ signed up for this and that some of these aren’t PG13 if you catch my drift!” Miu teeth’s dug into her lip, nearly splitting it open, “I’m sure Saihara didn’t go into detail, but–!”

“–Miu! I’m not  _ that  _ innocent. I’m sure I’ll be fine,” She giggled, effectively stopping Miu before she could ramble further. 

Even so, Miu wasn’t sure if Kaede  _ really  _ understood what she was getting herself into.

Turning on her heel, Miu made her way over to the bottom drawer of her dresser, and, grabbing the knob, Miu pulled it completely out of its slot. Meticulous, Miu placed it on the floor so the contents wouldn’t be disturbed and knelt down beside the deep, long drawer that was nearly full to the brim. Kaede joined her after a moment to peer into the drawer as well.

For the most part, her inventions weren’t too overtly graphic. If someone took a cursory look through the drawer, they probably couldn’t pinpoint anything that looked like anything other than an odd amalgamation of metal and screws. However, with a more careful eye, the labeled names and shaping of the items said more than enough. 

Her “Hookup Counter,” for instance, was shaped like a Fitbit and it sat in the middle of the drawer, nearly buried by the bulky surrounding objects. It sat at a pitiful zero from when she wore it and, most days, she could only ever get it to read as a one from someone with a soulmate. Another invention in the drawer was her "Auto-Puncher that Punches You for Telling Terrible Dirty Jokes." It looked as imagined and the glove used on impact was one from the BDSM section of the local sex store. It was a beautiful invention but dealt with an error of always punching during the trial-runs. Considering her dirty jokes were immaculate, this was a bug she’d have to iron out later. One of her oldest inventions was the "Goin' Commando Gun” with all its underwear teleporting potential. Tragically, it sat broken in the corner of the drawer with the paneling coming undone.

There were even some misplaced blueprints in the front corner that she had sketched out for Kokichi earlier that year and were still stuck in phase one. She’d love to make the inventions a reality. However, the problem was that his commissioned inventions, more often than not, were complex and or downright illegal. As a result, their creation was up in the air until Kokichi demanded an Electrohammer or Electrobomb.

There was a lot more risky and phallic stuff in there too. Miu couldn’t bear to stare at the more risque stuff with Kaede so close to her though. The addition of silence wasn’t making her feet any better either.

Turning her face a fraction of an inch, Miu tried to discern Kaede’s reaction. From what Miu saw, it seemed like avid fascination. Kaede’s lips sat half-parted, knuckle resting on the bottom lips, as plum eyes scanned over each item in the drawer. She was taking this seriously and Miu felt her body relax at that realization before growing giddy. 

Despite now knowing how Kaede was reacting, Miu felt unable to pull away. Instead, her eyes remained locked on to Kaede and all her little quirks. The quirks were cute too: Kaede would inhale when something seemed to catch her interest or, if something confused her, her blinks would become slow and her mouth would form an “o” shape. Sometimes, Miu observed, Kaede would smile to herself and exhale a little puff of air when she observed something funny or odd. It was an odd mixture of reactions, but endearing in their own right.

Miu couldn’t help, but think that Saihara was lucky he got to see Kaede like this every time she was picking something apart.

Kaede’s eyes froze and widened.

“Is...is that a spiky dildo?”

Miu turned to the offending object, seeing the purple object basically on a pedestal of equally questionable objects. Miu felt her soul leave her body.

“It’s not what you think!” was Miu’s immediate response.

“Uhuh, then what do I think, Miu?” Kaede said, blinking her eyes slowly as she leaned towards Miu. Her expression was neutral, but the aura around her was electric, buzzing with some more playful. Miu could feel it course into her, despite being a couple of inches apart.

“Well, I mean, it's shaped like a dildo, but it, well, it uh-”

Miu kept scrambling for words. Truly, it was a covert defense object because, honestly, who would expect a dildo like that to be of any real threat? Even so, just finding the right way to explain it was making her last brain cell do a suicide dive out of her head.

“Uh-huh? Keep going.”

“Fucking s-shut up.” Miu buried her face in her hands, giving up. “If you’re just trying to embarrass me, I’m gonna give you a whole fuckin’ tour.”

“Oh, no,” Kaede said, holding back a forced gasp with her fingertips, “How awful. But I guess I deserve it, so please go into detail, Miu.”

That cheesy fucking grin after Kaede said it had Miu’s stomach twisting into knots. To lessen the feeling, Miu disregarded the victorious look on Kaede’s face and turned her attention back to the drawer. True to her promise and not wanting to step down from the obvious challenge, Miu began to pull out some more inventions. However, a thought suddenly occurred to her.

_ Is Kaede a fucking pervert too? _

~~~

A couple of hours and a food delivery later, both girls were laid out in the dark on Miu’s bed under the glow of fairy lights. Their clothing from earlier that day had been traded for pajamas and their conversation became casual and comfortable with each moment that passed. 

Staring into the popcorn ceiling as Kaede rambled on about some topic, Miu recognized how at peace she felt. When she thought of Kaede usually, nervousness was the associated emotion. However, tonight, she  _ wasn’t _ . Her body eased itself into the bed, her heart sat content in her chest, and her thoughts weren’t racing. It was like being with Kokichi in a sense. There were obvious differences, sure, but the emotional outcome was all the same and made Miu’s whole body feel fuzzy and warm.

With Kokichi, it was an expected outcome. Kokichi and her had put a lot of time and energy into bonding since they first met. In some ways, it was almost as if they were predestined to befriend one another. In the end, it didn't require nearly as much preparation for the two of them to come to intimate moments like this. The addition of Saihara made the moments a bit more scattered over time, but they were still undeniably there.

With Kaede, there was an awkward period before they both settled into one another’s presence. Once they made it past that hump, the resulting bliss felt much older than a friendship only a handful of weeks old. They may have known each other’s existence longer than that, but that couldn’t have been the reason why. 

Miu wondered if it was because of the soulmate bond. If that was the case, then could Kaede feel it as much as she could? It was a scary thought.

If it weren’t for all the fears and probabilities in her mind, Miu could imagine falling deep into this. Laying beside Kaede, she felt like she was floating and like they were in their own universe with no threats of social obligations or exams. As long as she didn’t let her mind slip, she would be okay.  _ This _ would be okay. It  _ should  _ be.

Yet, demons come when their names are called. Miu could feel the heavy feeling trickle into her skull long before the thoughts began to surface.

She thought of her parents first and the fragments of what love they must have had. At least, it must have existed in the beginning, right? Miu  _ remembered  _ love between them, as far and as distant as it felt. But when did they stop loving each other? Did personal problems sever their relationship? Their jobs? Family life? Was it the stress of raising a child? Had it been Miu’s fault?

There were so many questions of “why” she never asked, but she had thought of continually since the incident. What bothered her most, however, was knowing she’d never been able to ask either. Her dad was dead and her mom? That connection had been emotionally severed long ago, no matter how much either wanted to keep it. In the end, she’d never get to know why. The only thing she knew was that her parents had managed to take a soulmate bond and break it. She’d never know how to stop the break from occurring and if it could be prevented at all. It was better to never take the chance.

“Miu...you’re zoning out pretty hard. You okay?” Kaede’s voice was so soft, nurturing.

Letting herself be vulnerable for just a moment more, Miu wished that that would never change either. She hoped  _ this _ would never change.

“Yeah, sorry. I got caught up with something in my head.”

The full-sized mattress didn’t offer much space between the two. Kaede had been leaning with her back against the wall, so she could face Miu directly. Still, she rolled onto her stomach, making the space between them mere inches. Propping herself onto her hands, Kaede's eyes stared at her curiously but she didn’t speak, letting the room fall to silence.

Miu could tell Kaede wanted her to direct the conversation: either addressing the thoughts, bringing up a different topic, or letting the silence continue.

Miu chose avoidance. However, the next topic wasn’t that far off, if she was honest.

“Hey,” Miu said, thumbing the fluff of her comforter, “Do your soulmate marks actually make you happy?”

Kaede's eyes widened, but she didn’t seem bothered by the question.

“Yeah...I like knowing they’re there. I’d like to meet them one day too,” Kaede answered, “What about you, Miu?”

The question hung in the air for a few moments, but it didn’t seem to weigh down on Miu’s chest as much as she thought it would. If she didn’t think about the complexity of the situation–just two close friends sharing an intimate moment–the question didn’t feel impossible.

“I’m scared.”

Miu’s voice cracked.

A warm hand wrapped around hers. She turned to meet Kaede’s eyes.

“That’s fine. Soulmates are scary. Expectations are scary. I don’t think it’s wrong to feel like that.”

Miu nodded at that. She rolled her body to the side, the distance between the two lessening further.

“Everyone says it’ll all work out when you meet them, but isn’t that too idealistic? What if–” Miu stops, making sure she doesn’t misspeak, “What if my soulmate ends up hating who I am? What if they're disappointed? What if they leave? I can’t get over the odds stacked against me.”

Miu watched a hesitant look pass over Kaede’s face, her eyebrows furrowing as she took in a slow intake from her nostrils.

“...I really understand that, Miu.”

Miu watched as she twirled a lock of her hair with her index finger into a tight coil with her free hand. She let it bounce off before she spoke again, voice distant and soft.

“I’m excited, but I’m scared too. I don’t think I could ever stop loving my soulmate, but I always wonder how strong the bond is? Like, if they loved  _ one  _ part of me and I lost that, would their love be less intense?”

Kaede let out a long exhale of breath, considering her words before continuing.

“As much as I want to have hope in my soulmate, it feels good to talk about my fears of the whole thing too. You’re the only person...who’s ever had a different opinion on the matter.”

Kaede’s fingers entangled with Miu’s, the heat of her palm radiating past the thin glove into Miu’s hand. Moving her fingers inward, as if to give a squeeze, Miu smiled at her.

“Thanks for not making me feel like I’m crazy,” Miu said, “I’m really glad you understand.”

The conversation fell to silence once again, their fingers compact against one another. She wasn’t sure if this was a normal interaction between friends and, if she was honest, the comfort of holding someone like this made it hard to care. She loved having someone she could hold close and she hadn’t realized just how touch-starved she was. Having this friendship with Kaede felt right and she wasn’t going to let her inner monologue and anxieties stop that.

“You know,” Kaede said, “I still have a mark from my soulmate. They didn’t erase it this time...so I want to show you if that’s okay? I just...need someone else on this journey with me.”

Miu nodded.

Kaede didn’t wait and removed her hand from Miu’s. Pulling up her pajama shirt’s sleeve, she flipped her hand around so that it laid flat against Miu’s pink bed sheets. In the glimmer of fairy lights, Miu could pick out the light design of the daffodil she drew the day prior, the intricate details smeared as the image aged. It stirred something within Miu to see her work on Kaede’s hand for the first time. Of course, she knew that Kaede was her soulmate, but seeing the irrefutable proof on the other end felt different. It made her breath settle in her chest wrong–like the air was sitting just above her ribcage and squeezing her organs inwards and could barely swallow it down. Miu couldn’t tell if she hated the feeling or not.

“Maybe it was dumb, but I looked up meanings for daffodils...it said something about rebirth or new beginnings.” Kaede let her hand rest beside Mui’s, their fingers touching as she gave a couple of slow blinks. “Maybe it’s meaningless, but I want to believe that’s a good sign.”

“I…” Miu felt like her voice quiver as it left her throat. “I think it is...I think whoever your soulmate is...they’ll be really lucky. I’ve never met someone who makes me feel so at home like you do, so I think… your soulmate would be fucking dumb not to love you.”

The guilt bubbled in her chest again.

Miu knew she wasn’t in love. Definitely not in the current moment anyways and a part of her wished she never would be. Someone like Kaede deserved better and Miu knew that. If Kaede did find out, she’d recognize this too. The divide between them at the moment was acceptable as friends, but as lovers it would be too exhausting to gap. Miu couldn't ask for such a commitment, nor did she expect it.

The more she thought about it, the more Miu could forgive the idea that someone as great as Kaede found someone who deserved her. Miu knew she could never match up. Despite how much she agreed with the possibility, the idea still hurt deep in her chest.

“Thank you…” Kaede replied, voice soft and distant.

The room stayed quiet this time as Miu wondered what to say at this point and if she should say anything at all. However, her thoughts were cut off when she looked over and noticed that Kaede had fallen asleep.

She was a pretty sleeper too, something Miu couldn’t relate to. Maybe it was creepy to notice such a detail, but Miu decided this, out of anything she did, was pretty mundane. So, Miu allowed herself to think that. In the quiet still of her bedroom, Miu committed the moment to memory: the soft glow of fairy lights, the distant sound of a train approaching, and  _ Kaede _ . Kaede was the focal point of it all though and Miu was careful to observe every detail of Kaede’s serene face. Yet, Miu could barely hold back the giggle, Kaede’s lips would still be caught in a puffy pout–as if she was caught on the edge of a word. It was so cute.

_ Cute _ . The word fit Kaede. It fit her way better than Miu.

With a sigh, Miu turned her body ever so carefully to flick off the fairy lights and let the room fall to near blackness. In her remaining consciousness, Miu glanced over at Kaede’s face again and hoped that whoever got to wake up to that face every day knew how fucking lucky they were.

Her heart didn’t hurt any less at the thought though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, Happy Valentine's Day! I wanted to get this out sooner, but I ended up spending time with my best friend and sleeping in (to an ungodly amount). 
> 
> I hope people are enjoying the little allusions to the games! There will be more as time goes on too, but sadly not too many references to the anime (DR3). I’m only about four episodes in, but I hope to finish it in time for some KomaHina fanfics or something else of the like. 
> 
> For those who left comments for the last chapter, I saw them and happy-cried to all of them! I will be responding to them soon! I usually like to do it when I update, but I have to speed through some assignments. Got to love being a college student, huh? :') Anyways, I really appreciate reading them, so please feel free! <3
> 
> As for the next chapter, two hints: Halloween and recital. :)
> 
> Anyways, have a great day and see you next week!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wasn't a great week for editing, so I apologize ahead of time! Please let me know of any issues grammar/spelling/fluency-wise in the piece!  
> Songs:  
> Bloomfield by Super Whatevr (https://youtu.be/1dYju8vKf3M)  
> Televised by Hunny (https://youtu.be/e8RD6U3gvdU)  
> Outright by Wild Party (https://youtu.be/ygLy1FSNEAA)

Momota and Saihara’s small apartment was already occupied by several familiar faces; some wearing costumes, but most didn’t bother with the whole charade. Music blared throughout the place–some obscure alternative station with the occasional “spooky” song to spice things up–causing light vibrations to rock through the house and her ears to ache upon entry. On top of that, the smell of weed was thick: Miu felt like she was walking through a wall of it at some points and she worried the smell would stick to her clothes long after the party. Despite the assault to her senses feeling like a punch to the gut, Miu couldn’t say much changed from their apartment’s usual state of affairs and it was all mostly the fault of Momota rather than Saihara that it was this way.

The male was a stoner and an extrovert, so it made sense, but Miu felt an inkling bad for Saihara who was undoubtedly a straightlaced, introvert who found pleasure in moments alone and _select_ company. Miu was an ambivert, so this sort of ambiance was fine for now.

Being at the party offered an escape from the endless ruminations that being alone seemed to be bringing as of late too, so Miu could almost forget what had been bothering her as of late. _Almost._

The idea that something was wrong with Kaede or, more likely, that their relationship was in an odd state of affairs. Miu tried to brush off the feeling since it lacked foundation–built off anxious thoughts and probabilities–but Miu couldn’t shake that something was off, askew in a way she just couldn’t quite grasp.

For a while, Miu tried to brush off the weirdness as her acclimating to being so raw and vulnerable with someone the first time. It hadn’t been that deep, but, with a new person, it was always like ripping off a bandaid when the adhesive grew taut to the skin: it hurt like a bitch to do and always stung a bit after. Kokichi’s first time venting and crying (Miu was the one crying, mostly) had been the same too, so it should have been easy for her to convince herself that was the right conclusion. Yet, it wasn’t. _Something_ was different.

I mean, how else could she explain the fact every interaction felt like a raw nerve being struck? Why else would she feel so frazzled? These consequences had been nothing like what Kokichi and Miu’s bonding resulted in. This was something only Kaede’s influence had managed to create.

Miu’s next idea was that it was the progression of the relationship that was throwing her off. It _had_ been so quick. This conclusion made sense to some degree too: the two had barely known each other and it had only been through their respective best friends’ friendship.

Saihara and Kokichi had known each other since their first year of college through brief encounters in shared classes. Thus, Miu had only barely known Kaede through that relationship for a relatively short time; maybe the end of their freshmen year? However, being familiar with someone was much different than befriending them. The end of summer had been the official start to this “ _relationship,”_ so it had only been about two months.

So, it had only taken two months for things to get weird, landing them into uncharted waters.

Kaede felt it too, but she didn’t say anything about it. Miu knew she knew though. It was hard to deny when Kaede’s eyes would occasionally settle on her in the middle conversations, scrutinizing eyes dissecting her actions. It was not one of purely attentive care–although, there was some element of it–but, more so, curiosity and confusion. In the moments of silence in group meetings when Saihara and Kokichi got much too into themselves, the air between them would be full. Neither would speak on it and opt for another topic, but Miu could feel the tingles of embarrassment prick up her spine and her fingernails would dig into exposed flesh as if to bury the feeling underneath the pain. That kind of attention made personal conversations overwhelming and Miu had begun to actively avoid them. Miu, though an internal groan, figured that, at the least, it was awkward. In that way, it didn’t feel too abnormal.

She was avoiding Kaede. It was easier to avoid those feelings that way.

However, it served to make her feel even lonelier. Kokichi was much too busy with Saihara to make time for here right now: those two _always_ had something planned when there wasn’t a DICE meeting or group meet-up planned.

Miu would be lying if she said that she didn’t miss spending time with Kokichi. It wasn’t like he was annoying her texts and he responded as he normally would, Miu would much prefer the one-on-one time over something as impersonal as text. However, she didn’t want to overstep either because she knew he was excited about his relationship with Saihara and had been interested in him long before the bond. 

Yet, another part of her was grounded in frustration from the isolation. She could ignore it most days, but she had gotten used to the gremlin being there and, with only work for her college classes and her part-time job keeping her company. Even in the moments when she did have Kokichi’s company, Saihara was almost always there too and Miu knew Kokichi’s attention would never be directly on her. Maybe that was possessive, but sometimes she just wanted to have alone time with her best friend. Since she didn’t really have any other friends, the whole situation was starting to get to her a bit.

Kaede was somewhere at this party though.

If they could fix whatever hiccup their relationship was in, they could figure it out and go back to normal. She could distract herself from the Kokichi issue and have the comfort of another person.

But, _fuck_ , was that difficult.

Wandering through the mass of people leaning against the walls, Miu made her way through the short hallway into a living room. There, she spotted Kokichi lounged against the wall with Saihara by his side and felt relieved knowing those two had decided to dress up. It seemed like they were going for a couple's theme too and she could barely hold back the snort that threatened to erupt from her mouth.

Kokichi’s outfit consisted of black jeans, a long-sleeved striped shirt, dirty tennis shoes, and a “money” bag that he had tied on his belt with a piece of green string. A black domino mask was pinned down on his forehead, showing off his face and that cheesy grin Saihara always managed to bring out of him.

 _What an awful burglar,_ Miu thought, moving on to Saihara.

Saihara’s outfit, contrary to expectation, wasn’t a detective outfit and a magnifying glass. Instead, it was a police uniform: a badged, navy-blue button-down tucked into slacks with a nerf gun tucked into the holster on his hip. It was hard for her to imagine a meek guy like him giving out tickets or pulling out a gun on someone. Saihara seemed like the type of guy who avoided limelight and conflict until it was pushed onto him.

Brushing away her thoughts, Miu walked toward them. Saihara noticed her first.

“Hello, Iruma.”

He always kept such a polite tone with her and was considerably more reserved than Kaede was. Despite how many times they had met through Kokichi or Kaede, Miu was aware of how little she knew about him besides the obvious. At least he didn’t stutter as much anymore when they talked.

“Whore! You sure have a lot of trust in that top!” Kokichi said, but Miu rolled her eyes at him. She liked her costume, so she wasn’t about to let him shake her confidence. Anyways, she knew she had big tits, so why not put them on display?

“A cop, huh?” Miu teased.

“Kokichi...wanted me to be a detective this year, but none of the stores had anything. So, we settled on this. I don’t mind it. I’m already planning on becoming a detective, so I don’t need to dress like one.”

“Makes sense, virgin–” Miu froze when she said that, feeling Kokich’s grin before she saw it, “Nevermind you fucking horny ass rabbits. I don’t wanna hear about you guys being cum toilets.”

“Odd, bitchlet! You’re usually pretty into knowing about our bedroom habits. What’s changed?”

Miu rolled her eyes, but couldn’t hold back her smirk.

“I’d rather get the juicy details later. I wouldn’t want to miss a single detail,” Miu said, “Anyways, I want to get fucked up on alcohol. Midterms have been screwing me and without any fucking lube.”

“Your midterms probably assumed you didn’t need any-” Kokichi said, probably about to say something much fouler. Saihara, face red and panicked, stopped him.

“Moving past _that,_ Kaede was looking for you, Iruma. I think she’s with Maki and Kaito in the kitchen.”

Miu nodded to that, rigid and slow. She did want to talk to her and being at a party should make it feel a little less awkward.

“Yeah,” Miu sighed, “I should meet up with her then. Don’t fuck on the carpet while I’m gone though. You never know what Mamota does when he’s alone.”

Shuichi’s face recoiled, thoroughly disgusted at the idea as he retracted his lanky legs closer to his chest. Waving goodbye, Miu reentered the crowd and made her way towards the kitchen. She saw a couple more familiar faces on the way there too, some that she hadn’t seen since last year.

Chabashira and Yumeno were the easiest to spot, but that was due to Chabashira’s energy and obvious adoration for her soulmate. If Miu was an idiot, maybe she’d allow herself to wish for the same regard from her soulmate. However, Miu knew better than anyone that a cover story on a relationship could be incredibly deceiving. 

Rounding the corner, she found herself in the kitchen where only a few people resided. Peering around, Miu found who she was looking for, but stopped in the doorframe when she took in the girl’s appearance.

 _Goth_.

Miu felt her mouth fall agape.

 _Goth_.

Her brain screamed, trying to make sense of the girl–who radiated the color pink–in layers of black and fishnets.

The outfit was good though, at least from her non-goth standards. She wore an oversized black tee tucked into a plaid forest-green skirt that hugged her at her waist. Fishnets covered her arms and clumped around her wrists where a number of bracelets rested and some most likely belonging. The bulky, black boots she wore led to a pair of black tights that stopped on her upper thigh.

Miu tried really hard not to notice it, but the little pudge that protruded from where the tights cut into Kaede’s thigh caught her attention. It was endearing in a sensual sort of way and Miu bit hard into her lip as she averted her eyes. This wasn’t the time for those sorts of thoughts.

Miu grabbed the rim of her velvet, red skirt and squeezed, not wanting to make fantasies on Kaede’s behalf. So far, she had done so well in not being perverted with the girl. She’d try her damndest to make sure that continued too. 

With sluggish steps, Mui made her way over to the counter to where Kaede stood, currently was engaged in an energized conversation with a monotonous Harukawa. Harukawa, from a quick glance, had done a half-assed attempt at Little Red Riding Hood with a red cape covering a black dress and sneakers. Momota, her boyfriend behind her, had done the opposite: he was completely decked out in an astronaut outfit, the helmet balanced precariously atop of his head like a hat.

Miu was surprised it stayed on with how he moved his head around too. She hoped that, for everyone’s sake, that Momota made use of the bong beside him before he flung the helmet off and killed someone. Out of anything happening tonight, going to court to testify against Momota was at the bottom of the list of things she wanted to happen.

“Iruma! Haven’t seen you in a bit…” Mamota said, flashing a toothy, lop-sided grin, “Welcome to the party...no ghosts, right?”

“Oh, wouldn’t you like to know, fucker.” Miu shrugged. “Just don’t look over your right shoulder.”

Momota visibly tensed but made no move to look behind him.

“You’re joking, right? My apartment is not even haunted-not that there are ghosts either! Or that I’m scared of them! I just don’t like people jumping out at me.”

Miu rolled her eyes. Scaring him had been fun, but she had only been able to do it twice with Kokichi and Saihara at her side. Momota and her rarely had an overlap in a schedule otherwise unless they hung out with mutual friends. So, contributing to the isolation of the last couple of weeks, she didn’t get to terrorize the astronaut-to-be.

Kaede turned after a moment; her conversation and the music preventing her from noticing the new presence beside her. When her plum eyes locked on to Miu’s baby-blue ones, her face brightened which was an odd sight next to the more somber apparel and makeup. Kaede’s lips that had been coated in black lipstick curled up into a smile that had Miu’s stomach in knots with feelings that seemed far too mixed to be made sense of.

“Miu!” Kaede began to reach for her but paused the movement. “Is it okay if I hug you?”

Miu hesitated but nodded after a moment. She tried to ignore the looks of the other two beside them as Kaede's engulfed her and brought Miu forward into her chest. Instead, Miu focused on the hug but found that equally fraught with the issue. Kaede’s breasts pressed against her and a certain heat radiated from her body, sending goosebumps down her exposed skin. Kaede’s perfume grounded her, temporarily persuading her that the candy fragrance was the only noticeable thing in the whole encounter. Definitely. 

Parting from Kaede, Miu decided that Momota had a knack for ruining moments.

“Wow, Kaede! You got your dog trained.”

“Did you just call me a bitch, fucker?” Miu tried to sound fierce, but her degradee kink took away some of the bite. At least she held back a moan this time.

“Awe, guys! No fighting,” Kaede said, waving her hand dismissively at Momota, “Anyways, you look so cute, Miu! I love the vampire look! We almost match!”

The vampire look wasn’t her first choice, but it did give her more options to be slutty whilst keeping her hands gloved. There was no way in hell Miu was risking Kaede being sappy and writing on her hands on a holiday after all. Of course, there was always the chance that another part of the body would be marked since soulmarks could appear _anywhere._ However, from prior experience, the preferred place of writing didn’t stray. Miu was counting on that.

“Thank you.” Miu averted her eyes, picking at her fingernail instead. “You look...really cute too. Definitely a change of pace, pinky. Are those Saihara’s bracelets?”

“Oh, you noticed?” Kaede said, picking at one of the bracelets on her arm adorned with a bulky skull, “I got some help from Shui since he said I looked more like an e-girl. I’m not, like, one hundred percent accurate, but Shui said that I looked a little more accurate.”

“Thank god for my sidekick, right? Definitely a lifesaver,” Momota said, but it sounded more like a compliment to himself. He took a celebratory bong rip.

Ignoring Momota, Miu decided that one-on-one time with Kaede was even more impossible with Momota around. Harukawa, as quiet as she was, wasn’t an issue per-say, but Miu didn’t like how well that girl held her poker face. It made her nervous.

More so, Miu knew that, eventually, she’d have to cross the boundary that had been put up between her and Kaede if she wanted to feel less nauseous with anxiety each time they met. That conversation had to be away from prying eyes as well. Biting her lips, Miu knew she’d have to do it. She just had to rip off the band-aid.

“Hey, can I borrow you for a bit?”

Plum eyes widened, but her smile remained.

“Yeah, sure! I'll see you later, Maki? Keep your boyfriend safe,” Kade said, giving her roommate a knowing look. Harukawa shrugged her shoulder, the equivalent of a smile from a girl like her.

“Maki roll doesn’t have to worry! I’m being extra safe as always!”

“Yeah, right,” Harukawa said, staring hard at an oblivious Momota, “Wish me luck.”

Kaede laughed, before grabbing Miu’s hand and pulling her along out of the room. As soon as they made it past the door frame into a flood of conversations, Kaede paused and turned to Miu to get a location for their conversation.

Miu offered the balcony since no one would occupy it. It was much too small to be anything, but a place to smoke most days.

Nodding, they both continued on their way past people and through countless disgusting smells of alcohol, body odor, and _something_ else as heinously awful. If it weren’t for Kaede’s lingering perfume, Miu was sure she would have dry heaved by the time they made it to the glass sliding door. She wasn’t sure how anyone else seemed to be handling it, but she didn’t have much time to consider it when Kaede pulled open the door and they both exited. Closing the door behind them, Miu noticed that the small concrete balcony was empty, giving no place for them to sit.

“So, what did you need to borrow me for? Oh!”–Kaede removed her hand from Miu’s, the warmth from the touch gone as well–“I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have grabbed you without your permission.”

“Erm...it’s fine. It’s you...so I don’t mind. You can touch me all you want...N-not that I mean it in that way–”

“Miu, cutie, you’re fine. I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable, so let me know if I ever do something that’s too much.”

Miu gave a slow nod to that, allowing herself to take a deep breath. With trembling fingers, she untied the black cape from her neck and laid it on the ground as an impromptu seat from the dirty concrete. Smoothing out the ripples in the fabric, Miu took a seat and beckoned Kaede to the spot beside her. Kaede didn’t waste a second in doing so.

The way her heart was racing, it almost felt like she was going to die or, maybe, confess? It was hard to differentiate between the two in moments like these. 

“Maybe…” Miu began, tugging at the hole in her tights, “Maybe I’m overthinking it, but things feel different? I don’t really have anything to base it off of, but something feels off...with us?”

Kaede let out a soft humm. It seemed non-committal.

“I’ve noticed too...Honestly, I’m not sure what it is. I’ve been trying to figure it out too.” Kaede stared into the urban neighborhood landscape, eyes trailing the tops of buildings. “But it doesn’t seem bad either. Has that been stressing you out, Miu? You’ve seemed a little more on edge.”

“Yeah...I guess so.”

“Do you...have any ideas?” Kaede questioned, “On why things feel different?”

“I’m not sure...I guess I’m just not used to having friends,” Miu proposed, “Usually people get...intimidated by _how_ I am, so it’s weird to have...you? So, I guess maybe having you? And feeling so close to you?”

There was a sickly feeling in her stomach that seemed to churn and convulse. When it felt like needles were producing her arms, she wondered if she said too much. She probably did: she had a bad habit of it.

“That...doesn’t disgust you, right? I just really like having you as a friend and I don’t want to make this weird.”

“...It’s not weird. Honestly...”Kaede let out a soft laugh. It tickled Miu’s ears, but the chill ate the sound up and left a vacancy in their departure. “I feel the same. I feel like I could talk to you about anything and...it’d be okay. I really regret not talking to you sooner or back when Shui introduced us. I feel like I really missed out.”

Kaede thought for a moment, before adding, “Honestly, I think we complement each other. That’s probably why we connect so well and why we feel so close. I don’t think that’s anything to stress about, okay?” 

_Complement each other?_ A burning ache began in her throat _._

It felt like her dignity was in shatters. She hated feeling so vulnerable and then finding out how easy the worries that terrorized her could be dismissed. At the very least, Kaede’s words seemed to warm Miu's chest, reminding her that, even with Kokichi not being there as often, she still had someone.

It was ironic that _someone_ had to be her soulmate.

But what other alternative did she have?

The topic spurred her thoughts from earlier and the burn in her throat became a burden on her chest. She knew she shouldn’t push it, but she craved reassurance and understanding. Kaede was soothing, somehow calming her brain when nothing else could. She couldn’t stop herself from asking, even if she didn’t want to.

“...Do you ever feel alone?”

“Alone?” Kaede repeated, caught off guard by the change in conversation.

“...I mean, we’re in our twenties, right? Everyone is finding their soulmate. Like Saihara’s always with Cockroach...Harukawa and Momota...They’re all stuck to each other's hips and it's only going to get worse as more people find their soulmates.”

“They’re just in honeymoon phases, Miu. Once they deal with each other for a while, they’ll branch out a bit. Anyways, Oma would get bored with just Shui as much as he loves him. He’s not going to stop being friends with you.”

Kaede's eyes carefully watched Miu’s expression. She didn’t seem satisfied.

“I’ll always be with you, even if I find my soulmate,” Kaede added, voice just above a whisper, “I’ll _always_ be here for you. So, if you're lonely or just want to talk to someone; you have me. You don’t even have to question that.”

Kaede reached over and placed her hand over Miu’s, entangling her digits among Miu’s. There was a moment of hesitation after she did it like she half-expected Miu to reject the action. Miu rubbed her thumb against Kaede’s hand instead.

She knew she had to say something back, but her head felt like it was buzzing. Any attempt at a cohesive thought fell apart in her head with only bits and pieces remaining. She pushed the words out, hoping that there was a semblance of a coherent idea in it.

“Same...I feel the same. No matter what, I really want us to stay friends,” Miu said, trying to ignore how thick and immobile her tongue, “So, no matter what...fucking... _stupid_ shit I say or how big-headed I get, don’t leave me okay?”

“Miu, I would never dream of it. I love hanging out with you and all your quirkiness,” Kaede said, her fingertips gracing the top of Miu’s knuckles, “...And you won’t leave me if I’m a one-trick pony, right?”

Kaede laughed like she meant the last part as a joke, but something in Miu’s head said it was anything, but.

“You’re definitely not a one-trick pony.”

It was silent again, but the smile that perked up on Kaede’s face let Miu know she said the right thing. A comfortable silence followed and Miu looked past the guard rail of the balcony into the darkening cityscape of apartment complexes and businesses lined up like dominoes. In the distance, Miu could hear the intermingling of traffic and music from other buildings that made the balcony their own little space away from it all. The dropping temperatures from the night nipped at her exposed flesh but it was negligible in comparison to the warmth that radiated from Kaede.

“Hey,” Kaede said, flashing a grin, “To celebrate us being forever friends, how about we do something?”

“Like?” Miu asked, quirking an eyebrow.

“Well, you and Oma like pranks, right? So…why don’t we mess with Shui? It won’t be grand or anything, but it could still be fun. And it's one of his _ultimate_ weaknesses. I learned it when he was helping me with my costume.”

“Really?” 

Miu perked up. While she knew that Saihara was pretty weak when it came to sexual topics, Kaede was more likely to dig in where it hurt. Considering he had stolen her best friend from her for the last couple of months, Miu was more than willing to assert some dominance with Kaede at her side. Now that all the mushy shit was dealt with, they could go back to being the dynamic third-wheel duo.

“Absolutely. What are friends for? Give me a sec and then I can show you.”

Kaede pulled out her phone and messed around for a moment before standing up. Not removing their entwined hands, Kaede pulled Miu up with a smile and helped her grab her cape from the ground. Then, she led both of them through the glass door and into the midst of the party once more. It still smelled like shit and people were now considerably drunker, but Miu felt like she was floating.

Saihara and Kokichi were still seated in the corner, but Miu also spotted a new addition: Kiibo, Kokichi’s roommate. Instead of his normal attire of Minecraft t-shirts and baggy jeans, the male had somehow fashioned himself into a cardboard robot costume. From the way it was made, Miu was unsure how he managed to sit, much less get here without falling down a flight of stairs. He was cute though, in a puppy sort of way, so Miu definitely didn’t mind his presence. 

“Keebs!” Miu squealed, catching the white-haired male’s attention, “Nice box, dork!”

“Box?” He looked incredulous. “I’m obviously a robot. Don’t be robophobic, Miu.”

“It’s your fault you look like a box, Key-boy. At least you got a robot personality to make up for it,” Kokichi butted in, nonchalant and sober. 

“What’s that supposed to mean-” Kiibo began, inciting a verbal, trivial squabble between the two.

This was a common occurrence in their friendship which made it hard to believe they had willingly become roommates. If Koizumi and she got into fights as constantly as these two did, she was sure that she would have packed her bags ages ago.

“Anyways,” Kaede spoke, bringing her attention to a somewhat flushed Saihara, “I was hoping I could get your help, Shui? Assuming you’re not feeling too drunk?”

“Drunk?” Saihara seemed to question it, but quickly denied, “I only had a couple of shots with Momota, I’m sure I can still help you, Kaede.”

“Mmm, you’re holding up better than usual then,” Kaede said, taking a seat in front of Saihara and tugging Miu down to a seated position beside her. 

Kokichi was still bickering with Kiibo, but, when she glanced over, she saw that Kokichi was pointedly staring at her. Motioning with his eyes down to her hand–the one entwined with Kaede–he gave her a questioning look. Despite being a silent conversation, there was no doubt in her mind what Kokichi meant by it. She shook her head, face red, before turning away and removing her hand from Kaede’s grasp.

Kaede noticed but didn’t say anything.

“Well, you know that piano melody game I found? I’m having a hard time completing one of the songs. Do you think you could give it a try? Miu couldn’t do it either.”

Saihara squinted his eyes at that, but he seemed too buzzed to really analyze the situation. He nodded.

“I’m sure I could try. Although, if a pianist can’t do it, I’m uncertain if I can.”

“I believe in you, Shui!” Kaede laughed, “Anyways, I’m _sure_ you’ll do quite well.”

Pulling up her phone and entering an app, Kaede carefully scrolled through a list of songs and tapped on one song in particular, pausing it before the music could start. Miu didn’t recognize the name, but it seemed very Saihara-like, so she was curious what Kaede’s plan was exactly. Even so, that little, innocent smirk on Kaede’s face had her giddy. 

Saihara took the phone in his hands and, with sluggish fingers, tapped the continue button. The start music blared for a moment before transitioning to the song. Saihara tapped the screen when the first prompt showed up.

G note.

His body flinched ever so slightly at it. He tapped the next prompt.

F#.

His eyelids fluttered, his intoxicated brain’s gears starting to cog.

B note. E note. D note. G note.

Saihara’s eyes briefly glanced up at Kaede’s face, panic evident.

C note. B note. E note. A note. D note.

“K-Kaede!” Saihara’s eyes widened to saucers and his face grew white. “Is-is this?”

“What is it, Shui?” Kaede smiled, a giggle on the edge of her lips.

The vocals weren’t present, but Miu realized what was going on, especially when Kokichi looked over in surprise. The little gremlin’s face morphed very quickly into something more sinister and pleased. 

“ _That_ song, huh? Nice one, piano freak,” Kokichi said, patting his boyfriend’s shoulder, “But I’m not taking care of him after the meltdown that’s coming.”

Saihara, true to his cause, continued to play the game, eyes glassy and his cheeks tinged pink. He was muttering something under his breath, but Miu couldn’t piece it together. With how his eyes were focused on the game, part of her decided that, maybe, she didn’t want to know.

“Oh, that’s fine, Oma,” Kaede said, flashing a smile to Miu, “I’m used to that sort of thing, and...he was going to end up like that anyway.”

“Yeah...he’s a sappy drunk alright,” Kokichi mumbled, turning to Miu, “Hey, cum dumpster, come drink with me. I bet you can't match me.”

“I bet I fucking could,” Miu challenged.

“Alright, then, bitchlet, why don’t you prove it?” Kokichi said, before looking to Kaede, “You’re a designated driver, right? You keep count.”

Kaede nodded, placing her hand on Miu’s thigh, close to her kneecap.

“If I’m going to be watching out for all you guys when you’re drunk,” Kaede said, leaning closer, “you better destroy Oma.”

Miu grinned at that, nodding vehemently.

“Oh, hell yeah. You’re going down, gremlin.”

***

In short, Miu won that night.

The hangover from the drinking showdown was nothing to scoff at though and Miu was left incapacitated for nearly two entire days before she felt well enough to leave her apartment. Feeling violently ill from some cheap vodka was definitely not how she expected to spend the Saturday and Sunday after the party, but it did give her lots of time to send texts to Kaede. Well, when she wasn’t dry heaving, that is.

Their texts became less awkward and a lot more quirky and fun with each hour. Kaede was way more sarcastic in text than she was in person too which was a feat since sarcasm doesn’t usually travel well in written words. Miu ate it up though, relishing in the moments she could push crassness out of the well-mannered girl. Kaede, on the other hand, seemed to be urging her to open up and talk about her feelings and interests. Miu never thought she was one to keep that stuff hidden, but Kaede’s excitement made her present even the most minor things.

She missed having someone to talk to.

People usually don’t care enough to ask, so it was nice to have someone so excited about the ideas in her head. Most days she would force it out and deal with the repercussions, but Kaede _actually_ wanted to know. Miu was trying to try her best to return that enthusiasm.

Starting Monday, the texts had to slow. Kaede’s recital was on the horizon and she was busy in between practices and her classes. Even so, Miu managed to tack down Kaede’s free periods that matched up with her own. Whenever a chance popped up, Miu would go get lunch or coffee with Kaede.

It almost felt like an addiction. Miu figured it must be something akin to a “friendship honeymoon period” because the airy feeling in her head and the warmth in her chest made her dizzy sometimes. Kaede seemed to be enjoying herself too which made it all the better in Miu’s head. It was hard to believe that just a week prior she was avoiding the blonde as if her life depended on it.

The night before the Piano Recital came fast and preparations had her running around her room in a frantic panic. She knew she wouldn’t be the one on display–she was just supporting her friend in the audience–but, at the same time, she couldn’t bear the idea of a single hair out of place. The long, rigorous grooming session that followed that feeling did little to quell it. Standing in front of the mirror in her favorite lingerie, Miu fretted over every flaw upon her body until her eyes landed on Kaede’s soulmark on her hand.

A pink heart.

 _Confidence_. She lightly slapped her face, trying to realign herself.

All her bodily skincare was taken care of, her hair would be fixed tomorrow, and her appearance could be fixed with makeup and clothes. The dress, one that Kaede specifically said looked cute, rested atop her dresser and was ready to be thrown on. Her purse was beside it with the recital ticket tucked inside. Everything is fine. Miu knew there was no reason for her to freak out.

“Kaede probably needs more confidence than me…” Miu muttered to herself, pouting her lips.

Glancing down at her hands again and the fat little heart that rested in the middle of it, Miu bit her lips. While she understood now that Kaede had some issues of her own, she didn’t understand them enough to reach out. The one thing she did know was that Kaede took some level of comfort in soulmates. While Miu didn’t quite understand the notion, she knew that receiving a message from her soulmate before such a big event might help her. Even in the off chance that Kaede was in no way bothered by the upcoming performance, it was better to be safe than sorry in Miu’s opinion.

Grabbing a black pen from her desk, Miu took a seat on the edge of her bed and hovered the pen over her skin. It had been a while since she wrote something. She wasn’t quite sure what to write either, but she knew she couldn’t exactly mention the performance. One, she’d sound like a stalker. Two, it could more easily pinpoint her.

So, she had to be vague.

But, _how_ vague? She didn’t want to just draw a picture and call it good. She liked the idea of the mark having a stronger meaning than usual for Kaede’s recital. She probably spent thirty minutes just staring at her hand, cycling in and out of potential ideas before deciding that she’d probably never find the perfect solution. So, like any smart person, she went with her next best option.

In her best handwriting, she wrote, “I hope you have an amazing day!”

She added a heart at the end of it too, placing it right beside the one Kaede had made.

Maybe it still wasn’t enough. Maybe she should have written more. Maybe she shouldn’t have written anything at all.

Even with these worries knocking around in her skull, Miu couldn’t deny the smile that lit up her face every time she glanced at her hand that night.

***

Entering into the recital hall and scanning the seating, Miu wondered if she had overdressed. The outfit had been one that Kaede had liked, so Miu hadn’t thought much of it until she saw the dozens of students in t-shirts and jeans. She definitely seemed a bit more formal than the general audience. A little, black dress was a statement though, and, thanks to her positive mood, it was one Miu didn’t mind making. The dress was soft and flattering anyways: the long sleeves covering her arm from the chill and the v-neck tastefully displaying her assets.

“Miu!”

Miu turned her head in the direction of the shout. In the corner of the hall, Miu saw Kiibo bouncing up and down, waving with a big, goofy smile. Instead of a video game shirt, he cleaned himself up with a plain black shirt and jeans. Behind him sat the rest of the group: Harukawa, Momota, Saihara, and Kokichi.

“Key-boyyyy!” Miu returned, grinning as she walked over to him, “I didn’t know you were coming!”

“It was a bit last minute, but my world music class was giving extra credit if you went to a concert on campus,” Kiibo beamed, placing his hands on his hips, “I heard Akamatsu was performing and bought a ticket right away! It was almost sold out too, so I got lucky!”

“I’m sure Kaede would have given you a ticket. Tojo wasn’t able to make it so she had an extra too,” Saihara finally spoke, tucking his fringe behind his ear. He glanced briefly at Miu, silently entertaining some thought in his head, before turning away. 

“It’s fine! I’m doing my academic duty and helping support community events!” Kiibo's smile didn’t dim. “What’s a couple of dollars?”

Miu nodded. For a brief moment, she caught Saihara observing her again in her peripheral vision.

“Hey, Saihara, how was Kaede doing? Fucking sucks I can’t see her before she goes on,” Miu asked, turning her eyes to meet his.

His eyes widened; a red blush lighting up his cheeks at being caught. More thoughts seemed to rattle in his brain as his eyelids fluttered and his teeth nibbled into his bottom lip. He appeared stuck between acknowledging the fact or glossing over it.

Miu figured that’s another reason why Kokichi liked him–he really was an open book. There was no worry of ulterior motives when all Saihara’s feelings were written in every inflection of voice and movement of the face. His analytical abilities were unmatched, sure, but he’d never have Kokichi’s ability to keep suspicion secret. Even when he did lie and Kokichi caught it, it never turned out to be from a place of heinous intent, but it seemed to always take a lot out of him, so he used it sparingly.

This interaction was a perfect example of when he couldn’t lie: Miu knew he was suspicious of her. The only question was _what_ exactly he was suspicious of.

Regardless, he seemed to gloss over the interaction.

“She’s a little nervous, but she’s excited,” Saihara said, keeping his voice even, “I only saw her for a little bit, but she’s pretty busy back there...You both did a good job on her clothes though. She looks nice.”

“Yeah, thanks. Ultimate fashionista here I come,” Miu said, before asking, “Did she end up getting it tailored to fit better though?”

“Don’t let Enoshima hear you say that,” Saihara said, rolling his eyes, “But yeah. Tojo helped her out-”

Miu didn’t even have to look to know that Kokichi was bored. His energy radiated past the skinny, emo male in front of her and had her on the toes instinctually.

“Shumai! I’m bored. Stop talking to gutter slut. _Play_ with me-” Kokichi said, slinking his small, skinny arms around Saihara’s midsection. He stuck his tongue out to Miu.

“Gutter slut?” Miu scoffed, “That’s all you got?”

Miu took the empty seat beside Kiibo, feeling the itchy fabric press against her bare thighs. The seating had her at the end of the row, beside the wall, Kiibo at her side. Following Kiibo was Kokichi, Saihara, Momota, and Harukawa. It wasn’t a bad spot and it kept her comfortably out of anyone’s eye. 

“I’m not going to entertain your degradee kink tonight. I don’t want you to soak the seat and stink out the whole hall.”

“Hnng,” Miu moaned, waving her hands dramatically as she decided to play at Kokichi’s game, “A disgusting, filthy whore-”

“Hey!” Kiibo said, his face red, “I-I don’t...really understand the full context of what’s going on, but I think you guys should stop before you get too far ahead.”

“Yeah...A couple of people have been giving us looks,” Momota added, scratching his neck as Harukawa watched with vacant eyes beside him. Something told her that pushing it by being her big-headed self would be a really bad idea, so Miu sighed and leaned back in her seat.

The lights dimmed not too long after, silencing any remaining conversations as an older, overly-excited man came to the stage. He went over the basics of the rectial and the performer lineup for the night. Kaede, being one of the top performers of her year, would be the final act. In other words, Miu knew she had a lot of time to burn inside her head.

Luckily enough, the first performance showed how easy it was to lose track of time with Miu lulled into daydreams. Between performers, she’d snap back into reality and glance to the group to catch their reaction. Saihara, Kiibo, and Harukawa seemed to be enjoying the music; their eyes glazed and resting deeply into the cushions of their seats. Momota and Kokichi were fidgeting, however.

Momota, specifically, was doing everything in his power to keep entertained from rearranging the items in his backpack, grabbing and dropping his armrest to hear a “clunk” noise, and other very annoying activities. Luckily, Harukawa, without missing a beat, would stop the louder ones by gripping his hand into her own and squeezing. Eventually, though, he’d break free while she was distracting and the cycle would repeat.

Kokichi, on the other hand, was much quieter in his boredom as he trailed patterns on an oblivious Saihara’s pants. Even though her best friend was good at concealing his emotions, that soft look in his eyes when he looked at his boyfriend spoke enough. When Saihara finally looked down, they smiled at one another in a way that made her heart wrench.

She looked away each time.

Miu didn’t like to believe in the validity of soulmates, but, when she saw her best friend like that, she wanted to. Kokich and Saihara did seem perfect for each other, complementing each other’s weaknesses and strengths. When they were at odds about one specific thing, it was never a reason for departure either and they worked through the hurdle. That was long before the bond too: they had always been acting like this, so it didn’t seem like they were persuaded to act that way out of tradition.

Balancing each other out, working together, _complementing_ them…

That was the supposed whole point of soulmates, right? To find someone who was your best match? 

If so, how did Kaede and her complement one another? Kaede had said they did, but she never went into detail and it was hard sorting it out in her head by herself. Did Kaede even know? Or was it only to calm her that she said it? Was it a white lie to calm her–some overly anxious girl that Kaede had only known for a few short months– at a Halloween party?

Miu spiraled in these thoughts until the next performer began.

When she heard Kaede’s name announced, she flinched in her seat as she scoured the stage to see her friend. When she finally spotted the blonde, Miu was breathless.

Her straight blonde hair had been curled, falling in soft coils down her back and onto her collarbones, framing her sharp chin. The makeup choice complimented the dress from what she could see, a neutral brown-purple color, but it was hard to pick apart details from where she sat no matter how far off the edge of her seat she was. Her eyes moved to the outfit instead, amazed it had been the same one they had picked out a little more than a month ago.

The strapless evening dress was a plum purple, similar to Kaede’s eyes, and hugged every curve of her upper body. A lighter plum fabric was wrapped around her waist and used to create a long string of ripples down her side, adding contrast to the sleek base of the outfit. Miu unintentionally looked for the soul mark, but gloves lined the hands up to her elbow. Shaking away the little disappointment she felt, Miu continued to admire her friend.

Kaede was gorgeous. Miu could never deny that, but she tried so hard to not so caught up in that detail most days. Yet, in moments like these, it was so hard not to focus on that fact. She had to bite her lip hard–nearly busting it open– so her mouth wouldn’t fall agape and give Saihara or Kokichi something to comment on. 

“Hello, I’m Kaede Akamatsu and I will be playing ‘Clair De Lune’ by Claude Debussy,” Kaede spoke, voice confident and warm, “It's a soothing song that calms your heart, like the moon's reflection on water…” Kaede brushed back a piece of hair, grinning at the audience. “And, yet, it makes me nostalgic for a life I have yet to live and one I don’t quite remember. I hope you all can feel the same as I do and enjoy this beautiful piece.”

With meticulous precision, Kaede brought herself to the piano’s bench and sat down elegantly. She began to play.

Miu understood why Kaede was so revered in her program. From the first key pressed on the piano, Miu sat transfixed awaiting the next keystroke. While she had no way to describe the music in technical terms, Miu thought that Kaede had described it best.

It felt like quiet nights outside next to a water fountain, the world around her muffled as she stared into the deep abyss of the water. The more she thought about it, the more she fell into that visualization until it felt like she was no longer in the room.

She watched as the water moved down the different levels of the water fountain from the top–where an odd, muscular statue stood–to the stilled water at the bottom. Her eyes rested there as an image reflected from the world around her. Despite all the details, the moon was the center of it all, bright and almost overwhelming. It would be easy to reach out and press the surface of the water, rippling little tidal waves until the entire image was fuzzy. She couldn’t do it though: a certain longing and loss tugged at her heart as she listened to the song despite the feelings of serenity it gave off.

When the recital hall went quiet, Miu finally snapped out of her stupor and joined the applause with vigor. Her eyes were trained on every step that Kaede took until she was hidden behind the stage curtain.

She had never heard Kaede play before. She regretted not making the effort before. Now, she understood that dreamy look that Saihara got in his eye when he mentioned it. Miu may not have a single musical bone in her body, but there was no denying such obvious talent in Kaede.

Kaede probably agreed to play the piano for her to be nice, but Miu hoped she’d hold true to her word on it. Listening to her play and drowning out the world sounded like heaven.

After a lengthy ending session with the presenter of the show and the individual applause of each performer (Kaede receiving all of Miu’s enthusiastic applause), the hall began to empty in droves. Saihara led the group, supposedly being updated by Kaede on where to meet up afterward, and all six of them shuffled into a conference room at the far end of the hallway.

The door clicked open not too long after and a grinning Kaede entered.

“Hey, guys! Thanks for coming!” Kaede said, greeting each of them with a smile and thanks. While Kaede was making her way around the group, Miu admired the outfit up close. Tojo had done a good job tailoring the dress and Kaede’s makeup was done beautifully. Her guess that the eyeshadow was a purple-brown had been correct too but was a lot more detailed than the distance led on and an immaculate cateye had been applied.

When Kaede got to her, Miu was still mid-inspection and flinched at the sudden greeting. Miu returned the greeting and thanked Kaede for inviting her. Kaede laughed, her eyes lingering on Miu’s, before pulling the other girl into a hug.

“Of course. I’m glad you came,” She muttered into Miu’s hair, “I couldn’t see you because of the lights, but knowing you were out there made me feel so much better.”

Parting, Kaede turned back to the group and was stopped mid-turn as Saihara handed her a bundle of lilies. The look of shock quickly turned to joy.

“Awe, you didn’t have to get me flowers, Shui!”

“It was Kokichi’s idea, actually-”

“Shut up!” Kokichi shushed, jabbing his boyfriend's side.

Kaede laughed at that, her eyes growing glossy. “Well, thank you both then. I love lilies...so these mean a lot to me.”

“Well,” Saihara began, rubbing his assaulted arm, “the performance was amazing. Everyone was captivated, even Kaito.”

“Sidekick! What do you mean by that-”

“Anyways,” Harukawa butted in before her boyfriend could become offended, “It was a beautiful performance. Definitely worth all the late-night practice.”

“Yeah!” Momota jumped back into the conversation. “It was nice! I was definitely appreciating the space theme-”

Everyone else jumped in, naming off their opinions and lauding Kaede to a deep, red blush. Miu couldn’t find a way to get a word in and let herself fall to the background as the group conversed. While she waited, she ended up taking a seat in one of the conference room’s chairs and allowed her mind to wander until Momota announced his departure. Kokichi, Saihara, and Kiibo followed after, saying something that Miu didn’t catch as their voices mixed together.

“I’ll head back with Momota. Text me when you get there, okay?” Harukawa said, cocking her head to the side as she watched for Kaede to nod. Once she did, she ducked out the door frame, leaving just Kaede and Miu.

“Looks like that wraps up the night, huh?” Miu said, taking a stand and straightening out her dress. Kaede turned to meet her eyes. Her face was somber as she drew her freshly painted nails over the flesh of her arms.

“Hey, I didn’t get to hear you earlier,” Kaede said, her face becoming bashful, “What did you...think of my performance?”

“Well,” Miu began, scratched her neck as Kaede walked closer to her, “I’m no musician, but…”

Kaede was a foot in front of her now; their eyes level with each other. She couldn’t turn away.

“But...it was like you said…'' Miu muttered, “It was beautiful...I really did feel like I was being transported somewhere else. Like, it made me calm, but it was also really heart-wrenching, I guess? It was a weird mix of feelings, but I think...that’s a good thing. It shows what a good musician you are, to be able to capture those conflicting feelings.”

Kaede’s eyes became half-lidded as she let out a soft hum. 

“I’m glad you feel that way. That song means a lot to me, so I’m so happy I got the opportunity to show it to you,” Kaede said, “But I still want to give you a personal concert and play your favorite songs.”

The room fell quiet. Kaede looked appeased, but something inside Miu was nagging her to hug the other girl. She refrained from doing so.

After another moment or two, Kaede turned back to her.

“Hey, I’m not sure if you heard, but Maki set up a reservation at Au Revoir in about an hour. That little restaurant off Monroe?” Kaede tucked a stray curl behind her ear. “I was hoping you’d come with us?”

“Is...is that okay?” Miu asked. She definitely hadn’t been listening when that was brought up and she didn’t want to overstep in case Kaede was just being polite.

“Of course it is,” Kaede said, eyes softening, “Everyone is going too, so I’d liked it if you went too.”

“Then...then I’d love to,” Miu breathed, before feeling a little bold, “Can I stay with you until we go to the restaurant then?”

“Sounds perfect. I’ll need to get changed out of these clothes and freshen up. Do you mind if we stop by your apartment?”

Miu shook her head.

“And…” Kaede gave a small, amused smile as she eyed Miu up and down. “You’re looking very cute, Miu. I’m glad you bought that dress. It accentuates you well.”

Miu’s heart lightened at that and she returned the banter, “ _Well_ , when you throw a big busty goddess in a form-fitting dress, what else would you expect? My tits are really on display though. Hopefully, I don’t make any waiters drool.”

“Ah,” Kaede giggled, “That could be kind of fun. I think Hanamura works there too, so it's a big possibility.”

“Oh god,” Miu cringed, “ _Not_ Hanamura though. I deal with him at the LGBT+ Alliance club enough and his pants are _stiff_ by the time he leaves. He's nice...but _fuck_. I’m a pervert, but he’s more advanced than I could ever be.”

Kaede's laugh culminated into a snort, tears pricking at her eyes. Her face slowly became engulfed with a pink hue as she gripped her sides. Miu felt her hands perk from her hip, wanting to touch the other girl. Tensing her fingers, she considered the thought a moment more before reaching out and pressing the palm of her hand onto the other girl's arm.

“I think…” Miu began, reciprocating the ever-present smile on Kaede’s face, “it goes without saying that you look...beautiful. I’m sure you got some hearts throbbing in the crowd.”

Kaede brought her hand up to where Miu’s rested on her arm; fingers sliding across Miu’s glove and curving around the other side of Miu’s hand. Kaede squeezed gently, offering a soft “thank you” as the giggles left her.

Miu retracted her arm back to her side and looked away.

“I think we got our plan. We should go so you can get ready.”

“Okay, let me get my keys and I can drive us there. You walked, right?” Kaede asked.

Miu nodded and Kaede didn’t waste a second to sling her purse off her shoulder. Digging into her bag, she dug around until she pulled out a set of keys. Her gloves made procuring the keys difficult as it jingled out of her grasp twice before she could get a secure hold on the metal ring holding them. With a huff, Kaede peeled the gloves off and threw the plum fabric into her bag, leaving her hands bare. Kaede peeked up at Miu.

“I don’t know how you keep yours on all the time. My hands feel so clammy.”

Miu shrugged her shoulders, but her eyes were trained on the ink that still stained Kaede’s hand. She had seen her markings on Kaede’s hand before, but Miu couldn’t deny that a certain feeling stirred in her gut as she made out the familiar writing. One part was worried: had she outed herself with the handwriting? Another part, though, felt a sort of ease clamber through her body. The feeling spurred her to retrace the message with her eyes; following every stroke of her message and scrutinizing the uneven shape of the heart.

Regardless of how she felt, Miu really hoped it had helped Kaede in some way. Otherwise, all this stress would have just been for nothing.

“Okay! I’m good. Are you ready?” Kaede asked, extending her hand to Miu.

“Yup,” Miu returned with a lop-sided smile, grabbing her friend’s hand and tangling their fingers. As they made their way out the building and the late-night chill brought her back to reality, Miu prayed to every potential God in existence–even Atua–that she was making the right decisions here.

And, more than anything, Miu hoped that moments like these wouldn’t have to go away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kiibo:  
> You can’t convince me that a human version of him wouldn’t wear video game t-shirts and have a headset on himself at all times. 
> 
> G note:  
> “Welcome to the Black Parade” by MCR. All the Emos can unite in harmony. I remember when my college roommate played this on my dorm's lounge piano once and I almost had a seizure. I figured I could have let the emo of the Danganronpa series feel the same. >:)  
> If those notes are wrong, let me know! I have no musical bone in my body and Google can be a liar sometimes. :)
> 
> Recital:  
> I’ve never been to a piano recital, but I have been to some choir concerts in my life. For the sake of the fanfic, overlook any glaring errors. 
> 
> Lilies significance:  
> It was mostly because that’s what Kaede’s battle outfit looked like it had, tucked into her hair. I couldn’t really reason why Kaede would have a flower in her hair for the performance, but I know some people receive flowers after a performance so I put it there.
> 
> Anyways, slowly, but surely, all these mini-events are building to something. Thanks for sticking around and I'll see you all next week!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know of any issues grammar/spelling/fluency-wise in the piece!
> 
> Songs:  
> Straight Face by Young Hunger (https://youtu.be/hjdbTGZsOAs)  
> CVS by Winnetka Bowling League (https://youtu.be/AnnoXzBVi-s)  
> Looking Out For You by Joy Again (https://youtu.be/ZVQDHFgfssM)

“That movie was kinda shit.”

The cinema’s doors closed with a  _ thud _ behind them as a cold November wind raced against them. Goosebumps crawled up their arms and they both hastily moved to cover any exposed skin, but it did little to help. Even so, Miu pulled up her parka’s zipper further so the fabric rested at the tip of her chin and watched with passive interest as her exhales transformed into little white clouds. She turned to Kaede.

Kaede seemed transfixed, staring vacantly in the air. She must have felt Miu staring at her since she roused with a jump, but she composed herself without much difficulty. 

“It was interesting, but I can't deny it was cliche. Although, I think they did a good job leading up to the twist. The twins looked so different beyond their body types that I wouldn’t have suspected it,” Kaede said, before adding a thoughtful, “Shui would have liked it. He loves trying to figure out mysteries in movies before they’re revealed. We always make a game of it on movie nights. Actually, Oma likes mysteries too, right?”

“He likes having the upper hand more than anything,” Miu answered, “But,  _ ugh _ , don’t even mention their names. They decided to go on a date, they don’t even get the right to be mentioned during our super fun night out.” 

“Awe, don’t say that, Miu,” Kaede laughed, “They’re so in love with each other. Can you blame them for booking out their weekends with each other? I’m sure if you ask again before they have something planned, they’d be more than willing.”

“I don’t have time for traitors.” Miu waved a dismissive hand. “Anyways,  _ us  _ busty, beautiful bitches don’t need  _ those  _ twinks. They’ll be jealous at all the cool shit we’ll get up to.”

“Oh, definitely.”

Kaede lightly tapped the hood of her car as she rounded to the driver’s side, her free hand digging through her purse for her keys.

“Is there any other place you wanted to go tonight?”

Miu twiddled her thumbs as she awaited the door to be unlocked. Kaede keys dangled as she pulled a lanyard out of her bag; a cute half-white, half-pink rabbit charm dangling beside a number of color-coded keys

“Mmmm, as adventurous as it is to prowl the night, I’m freezing. How does a cozy night at my place sound instead? We can have a girl’s night and watch horror movies and stuff?”

“Ah, I don’t have any pajamas or-” Miu began, realizing her nighttime routine required a lot more than clothes.

The door unlocked with a click and both quickly climbed in.

“We can stop by your place if you like or you can just borrow mine?”

The idea of sharing her friend’s clothes made her face feel hot and Miu considered herself lucky that the cold had already pinkened her face. It didn’t seem like a  _ bad  _ offer. Even so, she knew she needed her skin and dental care items. It felt wrong to go without and she was certain she’d pay the price of it later if she chose to be neglectful.

“My place, then yours?”

“Perfect,” Kaede returned and turned the ignition. 

***

“Welcome back, Kaede-” Harukawa looked up from behind her laptop from her slouched position on the couch. “And Iruma?”

Miu stiffly waved at the girl, still partially hidden behind Kaede as she fumbled with her bag.

“Yep! We’re having a night away from the boys. Let me know if we’re being too loud. You have an essay due soon right?”

Harukawa nodded and their exchange continued for a minute or two more, giving Miu some time to observe the space.

Kaede hadn’t been lying when she said it was a mixture of neutrals and pastels. Luckily for them, the pastels ended up being accents while a lot of the major aspects of the room–like the sofa and armchairs– took on earthy tones. Altogether, it was easy on the eyes, if not a bit desaturated in comparison to the girls' personality. If they had tried to mix pastels with Harukawa’s more alternative, dark-academia fashion sense, on the other hand, Miu knew that the same probably couldn’t be said. Now  _ that  _ would have been a statement.

“Well,” Kaede spoke, her voice breaking Miu’s thoughts, “I’ll see you tomorrow, Maki. Let me know if you need anything, okay?”

Harukawa nodded again, giving a soft smile. Miu tried not to stare at such a rare sight. She wondered how long it took for Kaede to get such a genuine reaction since the girl’s signature look was a poker face or a stern scowl. At the same time, it made sense that, out of anyone, Kaede managed it: she had that sort of effect on people.

Kaede turned back to Miu and grabbed her hand.

In the time since the recital, casual touches had become routine. Handholding, by extension, had been occurring whenever possible from the sentimental moments during sleepovers, when they were walking in the mall, or whatever. They were never  _ too _ overt with it, of course. They were adults and Miu wanted nothing more than to avoid questioning scrutiny of those around her, namely Kokichi.

Still, the hand holding was a nice change.

It reminded her of being a child and how her first best friend would hold her hand tight when they played on the playground. The constant insistence on touch was a testament to their bond at the time: unfaltering and hopeful. Eventually, they parted and Miu could barely remember her name. Getting older, it was hard to find others who wanted to engage in the action, and part of her too didn’t feel the need either. As much as she loved Kokichi, she couldn’t imagine holding his hand and there wasn’t really a desire to either.

Kaede’s hand was a different story. It helped that Kaede was a touchy person too, so accepting the gesture didn’t feel like she was signing some unspoken contract. It was just an action–a form of  _ comfort _ , if anything–without any need to be deciphered. It made her giddy and most days it was hard to fight back the smile that threatened its way onto her face. Even now, she couldn’t stop the little smile that warmed up her face as she stared at their connected digits.

As Kaede began to pull her along, Miu tipped her head up enough to catch Harukawa’s careful, red eyes observing her as she rounded the corner.

_ Weird, _ Miu thought, a familiar feeling of unease settling in her stomach. She chose to ignore it.

Kaede’s room was as Miu thought: a mixture of both the expected and unexpected. Namely, the pink and pastel theme had gone beyond her appearance and the living room to her intimate space as well. Kaede’s room suffered from poor flooring and wall color, much like her own, but Kaede had managed to line her space so they were negligible factors in the long run. Namely, the dingy, brown carpet had been covered with a pink rug and the walls were coated with several posters. Most were from local theater shows and records from bands she never heard of. On one wall, however, stood a large, sturdy bookshelf filled to the brim with a number of novels. When Miu moved closer to them, she saw some classics that sounded vaguely familiar to her high school literature classes, but she couldn’t quite place them.

Beyond the physical aspects, a vaguely sweet aroma permeated throughout the room too. Not quite Kaede’s scent, but very much reminiscent of it.

As Miu set her bag down in a free spot on the floor, a pink figurine on a shelf above Kaede’s desk caught her eye.

“Oh my god!” The words spilled from her mouth before she could reconsider them. “You’re into Nora’s Galaxy too?”

“Huh?” Kaede questioned, setting her purse on the desk as her brain connected the dots, “Oh! Yeah! I love that show.”

Kaede reached forward and brought the figure calmly into her hands, observing the details of the piece. Miu, on the other hand, could barely contain her excitement.

“I love it too! I thought it’d be really shitty initially, but I started watching it when I lived with my aunt and her kids had it on  _ all the time _ . I mean, I liked kid shows before, but this one changed my  _ whole  _ perspective! It's just so good and heart-wrenching...” Miu rambled on for a few moments more before ending her tirade with a, “How did you get into it, pinky?”

Kaede didn’t answer right away, putting the pink-haired figurine meticulously on the shelf, running a finger against its stiff, ringlet curls before backing away.

“I got into it after I heard some of the music. I even tried to play the ukulele at some point to see if I could replicate it, but...I guess piano is really my true calling. I can play the songs from the show on piano at the very least!”

Kaede’s eyes were distant; prefixed with some thought in her head as her eyes danced back and forth, but not ever falling directly on Miu. Her voice was another giveaway that something was amiss: detached and forced in a way that Miu would have to be braindead not to catch. Miu didn’t understand why, but she felt a simmering embarrassment at her outburst going unreciprocated. She understood, to some degree, it was probably a personal issue unrelated to herself, but the weight in her chest didn't cease. Miu bit her lip hard.

“I-urh, I’m sorry,” Miu deflated, but tried to keep her tone strong, “Nobody I know ever likes cartoons, so it was hard not to...go off a bit. I’ll try not to fly off the handle next time”

“Oh, no!” Kaede snapped back to reality and met Miu’s eyes with something more frantic. “I don’t mind talking about it! I wasn’t lying when I said I loved it...It just reminded me of something. Anyways, you sounded really cute gushing about it! I watched the whole thing, so don’t hold back!”

Miu scratched her neck. There was something about the reaction that bugged her, but it would have a topic for later. Cartoons, in that same vein, would be a topic for a later date.

“Oh, that’s fine...I’m sure we can get into it later, but,” Miu paused, running a finicky hand through her hair, “what’s the first task on the agenda tonight? We can’t let the boys beat us, so no holding back.”

A more genuine smile appeared at that and Kaede bobbed her head up and down in agreement. Pressing a finger to her lips, she considered a couple of options in her head before the smile intensified and her eyes brightened. 

“Hey, you said this was a 'super fun night out,' right? I know we’re technically inside, but we can still be a little wild. Do you want to drink a little?”

Miu could barely hold back the gasp.

While Kaede had unveiled herself to be sassy in-text and a covert pervert (in which Miu had the honor and curse of being the only one who knew), it was weird to hear the girl who stayed sober at parties offer drinking as their first event of the night. The straight-laced impression Kaede gave off in combination with the prior points made it hard to dissuade the following shock from appearing on Miu’s face or the discombobulated words from spilling out of her mouth.

“I...um, sure?! It’s kinda weird to hear  _ you _ say that though.”

Kaede scoffed at that. It seemed playful more than anything, especially with the smug grin that followed it.

“Well, I  _ am  _ twenty-one. I can drink legally, so I keep some alcohol around for when the moment calls for it. I’m not asking for us to do shots, but I think drinking some wine coolers wouldn’t be bad. Maki would have our heads if we  _ did _ get drunk.”

“Yeah, no kidding.” Miu remembered Harukawa’s eyes; like a predator looking for any sign to pounce. “I have no problem with drinking though...I guess I just never thought I’d see the day that Kaede Akamatsu would be supplying to minors.”

Miu smirked, but Kaede didn’t shrink back at the display. If anything, she seemed to take it as a challenge. Considering how many times Miu drank alcohol with Kaede present–which had to be in the dozens at this point–it would be weird if she reacted in any other way.

“Minor?” Kaede giggled, “Oh shush! You’re literally twenty-one in what...oh my gosh!  _ Three _ days?”

“Yeah, so, until then, you’re breaking the law,  _ pinky _ . Don’t worry, I won’t tell if you won’t.”

“Good,  _ cutie _ . I don’t think a misdemeanor or whatever would look good on my record when I apply to jobs in the future.” Kaede brushed back a stray tear from her laughing with the back of her hand. “Is hard strawberry lemonade, okay?”

Miu nodded brushing away the smile on her face with her fingertips before proceeding to look for a space to sit. She contemplated the bed initially–it was the obvious conclusion–but it felt weird to sit there without being directed to. It  _ was _ her first time in the room too, so Miu felt like she lacked the right to fight past her previous feelings and do it regardless.

With Kokichi, she climbed in his bed the first time to spite him and it set the precedent of her throwing herself on it every time she visited since. Miu had gone to sleepovers as a kid too, but those didn’t seem to fit here either. During those, all of them, even the host, would end up in sleep bags on the floor. It wasn’t like she could apply much of her previous knowledge here. 

_ Actually _ . Miu panicked for a moment.  _ Where will I sleep? I don’t think I can survive a night on the floor ever again _ .

In the end, Miu decided to bother with the terrible possibility later and sit on the floor in an out-of-the-way spot. Kaede, oblivious to Miu's internal debate, went over to her minifridge and pulled out two bottles from the door. Turning around, she paused when she saw Miu.

“Hey, I can’t have my guests on the floor. Get on my bed, cutie. It won’t bite.”

Miu breathed a sigh of relief.

“Oh, okay.”

Miu stood up as Kaede passed her the bottle, the cool glass shocking her senses as she passed it uneasily between her hands. It appeared to be the type with a twist-off top and was of sweeter varieties of alcohol. It wouldn’t get them drunk by any means, but,  _ maybe _ , buzzed if they were lucky.

Kaede went to her wardrobe and pulled out the bottom drawer in the meanwhile. Miu made steady steps towards the bed and was almost embarrassed at how carefully she was regarding it. It was just a  _ bed _ .

Yet, with that said, it was  _ Kaede’s _ bed.

The bed was undoubtedly made with comfort in mind too: dozens of fluffy blankets were folded neatly atop it, pillows lined the wall adjacent to the bed, and the mattress foamed dipped deep when Miu pressed her weight into the surface. Pulling herself up carefully, Miu avoided dotting the bed with the bottle's condensation as she wandered the small space. After a couple of seconds of rearranging herself, Miu found a comfortable spot against the wall. It was approximately in the middle of the twin-sized bed, but out of the way enough that Kaede probably wouldn’t be bothered. 

Taking note of the size, Miu realized how close they’d be during the encounter regardless of where she sat. Assuming that they slept on the bed too (and not on the floor as Miu feared), they would basically be cuddling with the limited space.

“Hey,” Kaede spoke, spooking Miu from her thoughts, “are you good with me changing in here? I hear the shower going and Maki might take a while.”

“We’re both girls, right?” Miu said although she was nowhere near as confident internally, “Go right ahead. I don’t give a shit.”

But she very much did give a shit. Fortunately, she had already changed for the night at her house so she didn’t have to bother with carrying more dirty laundry than needed. In the end, she had also avoided the embarrassment changing under Kaede’s eye too. Maybe her luck wasn’t as  _ bad _ as she thought? 

“Okay, good!” Kaede grinned, “I’m used to changing in front of other girls, but I wasn’t sure how you felt about it. But, since you’re okay with it…”

Kaede pulled up her shirt without a shred of hesitation and Miu could not hold back the shocked “mphf” she let out. She heard Kaede laugh at that too which didn’t help the feverish blush that spread across her face, nearly burning her up. Staring wasn’t polite and Miu  _ knew _ that. Yet, Miu couldn’t tear her eyes away from Kaede. The only reason such an obvert stare wasn’t caught was that Kaede had decided to turn around and dig through the drawer again, obviously unsatisfied with whatever clothing she initially landed on. If she hadn't, Kaede would have seen how much of a giant pervert Miu was being.

In her defense, it was tough not to look when the gods had blessed your friend’s body. Miu couldn’t see every angle of her friend despite how much her eyes tried to bug out of her head to do so, but Miu could appreciate the subtle contours of Kaede’s back that lead to her friend’s lacy, pink bralette. 

When Kaede unclipped her bra, Miu forced herself to look away. Whiplash stung at her neck as she redirected her attention back to the bottle clutched tight under white knuckles. She twisted off the cap of her drink and drank, feeling the carbonated bubbles flow down her throat as a faint, yet distinct beer taste coated her tongue.

_ Don’t be perverted with friends. _

She repeated the thought like a mantra in her head.

“Alrighty, done!” Kaede announced and Miu allowed her to turn back to her friend.

She was wearing some basic pajamas now: a black tank top and some loose purple shorts that fell just shy of her friend’s knee. Miu tried to ignore the slight sway of her friend’s shirt from her lack of bra. She hoped the internal chanting of her mantra would keep the sex-obsessed goblin part of her brain from getting out of hand.

Kaede crawled onto the bed beside her and, as Miu expected, a twin-sized bed wasn’t designed to address two 5’8 females. Miu adjusted herself to allow for more room, but sitting could only allow so much space between the two of them. It was much more than what lying down would have offered though.

While Miu may have been preoccupied with the concept of space and the lack of it, Kaede seemed unbothered. In fact, Kaede relaxed in the bed like the thought hadn’t even occurred to her and took a celebratory swig from her drink after twisting off the cap.

When Kaede removed her drink from her lips, both her hands moved to grab it by the neck and let it swing precariously between her thighs. Little droplets from the outside of the bottle fell onto her comforter, but Miu was only vaguely aware of that fact. Rather, Miu’s eyes were trained on her friend’s clear, unmarked hands.

Seeing the skin bereft of marks felt odd for Miu. She had become accustomed to seeing her friend’s delicate, pale skin adorned with drawings, be it from Kaede’s own doing or from Miu deciding to do it. To see it so bare, it had Miu a little unsettled.

Kaede had drawn marks on recently, but a recent shower must have erased them. It probably wasn’t as deep as her brain wanted to make it.

“So, what movie should we watch? I don’t have a TV, but…” Kaede reached over to her desk beside her bed, her finger just able to grab a laptop. “I do have a laptop we can use to watch something on Monoflix. We’ll just have to sit  _ real _ close, okay?”

The teasing smile on Kaede’s face would never get old to her.

“Is this your way of trying to feel me up? And they call  _ me _ a whore.”

Kaede laughed at that; the sound light and airy. It felt vaguely of home and safety as odd as it might be to say that about a voice. Yet, there was no better way to explain it: Kaede’s demeanor oozed comfort. It’s why people were attracted to her. Miu mused that must also be why even she couldn’t find it in herself to close herself off to Kaede despite knowing it would be better in the long run. 

“Hey, hey. I’ve never called you  _ that _ . I’ve only ever called you cutie.”

“You wanna change that? I think hearing you call me whore would change my world,” Miu said, taking a sip of her drink. She tried to push as much humor and sarcasm in her tone too so her intent was known. She wasn’t aiming for any misunderstandings after all.

Kaede laughed.

“I think you’ll need me a lot more drunk for that.” Kaede nudged her leg against Miu’s knee. “ _ Or _ , you know, we can always save it for a special moment in the future. I don’t want it to lose its impact.”

“I’m  _ sure  _ that I could never get used to a goody two-shoe like yourself calling me a whore.”

Kaede hummed at that, taking a moment to think.

“Well, I’m sure it wouldn’t be a good idea to start calling you things like that,” Kaede smirked, “Especially since you have a degradee kink, right?”

Miu coughed hard, nearly dropping the bottle out of her hand in the process. The idea of those pretty pink lips saying those combinations of words had her head spinning. Once she got over the shock, she’d probably be able to admit that it wasn’t bad per se to hear it. The mention of her degradee kink–in most instances–would have her squirming, but Kaede somehow made that feeling much rawer, like her brain was being pricked by dozens of pins. Biting her lip to contain the sharp intake of breath that threatened to spill out, she tried to bullshit a response.

“How did you–? Did Kokichi–”

“Miu, cutie, you’re not exactly subtle, you know? Kaito brought it up at the party too,” Kaede laughed, passing her bottle to one hand so she could gently press her other hand onto Miu’s knee, “It’s not a bad thing! I’m just not sure you want me to accidentally play into your kink.”

Miu groaned, slapping a hand to her red face.

“Why the hell does everyone get to know my bedroom business. I always have to make up everyone else’s in my head,” Miu said, peeking at Kaede through shaking fingers, “Am I that obvious about stuff?”

Kaede blushed at the question which sent shockwaves through Miu. It was such a cute sight to behold and one Miu never had the pleasure of seeing prior. Kaede was the type of person who seemed to take things in stride, not letting much get under her skin. Her demeanor, as a result, was always positive but distanced from those around her. Getting even an inch close, Miu felt a little braver, despite the mortification pinching at her neck. 

“Well, I usually know what’s going on...but sometimes people have to fill in the details because I get a little oblivious!” Kaede said, scratching her cheek and avoiding Miu’s eyes. She only paused for a moment, retracting her hand from Miu’s knee, before she continued.

“But…I don’t think you have to worry about hiding yourself from me anyways. Not a lot can surprise me at this point,” Kaede said, “And I’d like to think that you _know_ that I’m always going to support you, Miu. I consider you a very important person in my life. I _want_ to understand you and help you as much as I can. So, things like kinks and your quirks are not problematic to me, okay?"

“You’re the only person who turns a talk about  _ kinks  _ into something sentimental,” Miu moaned between fingers.

“Well, that  _ might  _ be true, but  _ still _ . I was going to bring it up tonight anyway. And, if I can solidify my support of every part of you–including your kinks–in one go, then so be it.”

She gave a soft smile to that, the corner of her eyes crinkling.

A thought occurred to Miu as Kaede spoke though: had Kaede ever been extended the same kindness? To Miu, it seemed that Kaede was always the one supporting those around her and being a beacon of hope when stresses came up. Miu had noticed it from the moment they first met when she was coaxing Saihara out of a sudden panic attack like it was second nature. It didn't end there either and Miu could easily name off dozens of other moments if pressed.

Miu had even been subject to this kindness in small ways too, even before their friendship. Despite receiving it, she had never been able to return it. To be honest, she didn’t know how to. Kaede was a fortress and Miu had never been offered the means to truly peek inside.

Out of anyone, Kaede needed someone to understand and accept  _ her _ .

“Kaede?” Kaede’s eyes snapped up to meet her own. “You...always talk about wanting to understand the people around you, but...don’t you think you should let someone understand  _ you _ ? We’ve been friends for a while now...and I really fucking like being your friend,  _ but _ I don’t know much about you or your fears or what makes you tick or anything.”

Kaede was silent, her fingers tightening on the bottle.

“Sometimes I feel like you’re keeping all of that locked up in you. I...If I’m honest with you, I’d like it if you talk to me about that stuff. I’d want you to rely on me,” Miu continued, “And I don’t want you to feel like you have to hide anything from me. I have some skeletons in my closet and I doubt I’d like you any less. Hell, you could tell me you were a serial killer like Sparkling Justice or you were actually an imposter-”

In the silence, Miu stopped her rambling and ended it with a: “I...I just like you, ya know? I feel like a shitty friend if you’re doing all the heavy lifting.”

Kaede finally let out a loud breath. Her eyes were still conflicted, but the small smile on her face seemed to be a good sign.

“...Thank you, Miu.” Kaede shifted in her seat and took a drink. “It’s not intentional, me not sharing anything. I just...want to focus on those around me and make sure they're taken care of first.”

“That’s not your job though, so don’t let it take over you, okay?” Miu responded, deciding to shift gears, “Tell me something you absolutely fucking hate.”

“What?” Kaede turned her head, eyes wide.

“You’re always so nice about things. I want to hear you tear something apart. What or who do you hate with a passion?”

Kaede  _ was  _ too nice about things too. Sugarcoating was her specialty and her opinions only ever existed in the lesser extremes. Maybe that allowed her to breach both sides of an opinion better, but it also made it hard to go  _ off  _ on topics. Miu wanted to see her get pissed, knock over a table, or, at the very least, squeal over cartoons with her.

This may not get her into Kaede’s psyche quite yet, but it would be a step closer.

“Well...I guess bicycles?”

Miu blinked once. Then twice.

“Why and how was that your immediate response?”

Kaede looked sheepish, readjusting the laptop as she took a second to think.

“Well, people ride their bikes to classes every day and it always...makes me remember crashing on my bike when I was twelve  _ right before  _ the summer started. I was stuck inside to make sure I didn’t harm it more than it already was...And my parents and I were so worried I wouldn’t be able to play the piano properly after. So, it really wasn’t a fun time.”

“So, that completely ruined the experience? Do you not ride bikes anymore?”

To Miu’s surprise and pleasure, Kaede scowled.

“Absolutely not. I never rode a bike since and learned to drive immediately so I would never have to.”

Miu took a drink of her beverage, only about halfway through it. Kaede was in a similar boat, but she’d probably finish sooner with how she was drinking. Miu couldn’t blame her either, the alcohol tasted like juice or soda as she expected. It went down easy and it was a good thing that the alcohol content was as low as it was.

“That’s a good start, Kaede.  _ Now _ , how do you feel?”

She laughed at that.

“A little bit better,” Kaede said, “But I think your speech felt the best. I wasn’t prepared for it, but it feels good to know you care. I...I know a lot of people in my life probably care like Shui and my sister, but it’s good to hear confirmation sometimes.”

Kaede placed her hand on Miu’s shoulders, fingers wrapping around the gloved skin. Instinctually, Miu’s hand went to meet it and softly squeezed Kaede’s fingers with a smile. As much as she enjoyed the feeling, Miu removed her hand and Kaede’s fingers detached shortly after to return to their original position.

Miu stared at Kaede's unblemished skin once again and felt that odd feeling in her gut return. The lack of  _ something _ to cover the surface was bothersome. Maybe even frustrating to some degree. Miu decided she’d have to change that when she got back to her apartment.

“Alright, no more mushy stuff right now. Let’s save it for later,” Kaede grinned, picking her laptop back up, “Let’s find a movie and get our girl’s night started.”

Miu agreed with a nod and scooted a little closer to her friend, their thighs touching. As the computer whirred to a start, Miu couldn’t stop thinking about how close she had come to never having these fun moments. In the end, she liked Kaede and treasured the friendship that was spurred out of a dramatic twist of fate. It was hard to imagine the alternative of being alone in her bedroom while Kokichi was out with Saihara. It was hard to image how much lonelier that would have been too.

Without a doubt, Miu was glad she didn’t have to know. 

***

Miu never did much for her birthday, especially after her dad’s death. It wasn’t like she was opposed to celebrating it, but it was hard to not get choked up over the past or the pressures of the future. This birthday, in particular, felt strange. She was definitely of dubious emotional stability when it came to thoughts of her dad not being present or her mom’s eventual birthday text, but the fears of the future didn’t seem too scary when the major one was already here.  _ Kaede  _ was here.

And funnily enough, she didn’t hate Kaede like how she hated soulmates. While their first meetings after Miu discovered their bond were awkward, yet sweet, each meeting since had grown more comfortable even with the occasional hiccup.

Their first sleepover, for instance, had jumbled her feelings and she avoided Kaede who had done nothing wrong in a fruitless attempt to ease her anxieties. With that said, Kaede also  _ had _ to be the one to calm her out of it and knock some sense into herself. The most recent sleepover (her first time at Kaede's apartment too!) wasn’t as dramatic. Rather, Miu felt a certain serenity and comfort as she awoke. As expected, the two girls had ended up cuddling through the night with Kaede being the big spoon. Miu didn’t move away either. Instead, she cuddled back into her friend's chest and pretended to sleep until her friend awoke. They made breakfast together after and it was a surprisingly domestic and homey affair.

Altogether, celebrating her birthday didn’t seem that bad knowing Kaede would be there. The day, in fact, seemed to be setting itself to be a good one: her request for time off at her job was approved, she just finished a bunch of assignments in a burst of energy the night before, Koizumi would be vacant from the apartment a couple of days, and the few friends she had were all able to drink that night to celebrate her turning twenty-one.

As she moved through her checklist, Miu felt a buzzing excitement follow her through each task. It was almost exhaustive by the time Miu collected opinions on what alcohol to buy and proudly presented her driver’s license to the clerk at the liquor store. When she got home, she took to cleaning with music on blast and getting snacks at the ready on the counter. 

Birthday texts would fly in every so often and Miu would respond to them as they came. With Kokichi and Kaede, she made sure to take the time to add a little pizazz. With Kokichi, it was vulgar humor and insults, nothing much different from their typical dialogue. Kaede, on the other hand, was an odd combination between sassy, overly-confident, and caring. She considered briefly after she sent her a text if seven heart emojis was taking it too far, before shrugging the thought away.

It was her birthday. She was going to allow herself to be a little reckless.

Kokichi had been the first to arrive: unannounced and a couple of hours before everyone planned to meet. She told him as much too as pressed past the front door. Unabashed, he sarcastically mocked her as he threw himself onto the sofa.

“Soooo!” Kokichi began, spreading his limbs out, “Happy birthday, I guess.”

Seeing as he took up a majority of the sofa, Miu felt no guilt in plopping down on his feet. He recoiled with a pained yelp–his feet slipping out from under her thighs–and she smugly took up a couch cushion.

“Fuck, that hurt. You’re heavy!” Kokichi pouted, “And I was  _ just  _ being so nice to you. What the hell, bitchlet?”

Miu chose to ignore him and asked, “So, why are you here so early? I figured you’d be glued to Saihara’s hip until everyone met up here and...probably still then.”

Miu laughed lightly as she rolled her eyes. She figured he would laugh off the statement too, but Kokichi sent her a look both confused and defensive.

“Uhh, because it’s your birthday, Miu?”

The tone in his voice made her feel like she had screwed up somewhere. She knew she wasn’t wrong in what she said: they were  _ always  _ with each other. Kiibo had said as much when they texted each other since he dealt with it first hand living with Kokichi.

Kokichi gave her a second to respond, a pregnant pause between the two.

“I don’t m-mean it in a bad way. It’s just that it’s rare for it to be just  _ us  _ hanging out anymore? Like, any time we go out or meet up, Saihara is with you…” Miu said, her face pale as she brought her hands in a frantic, dismissive wave, “Kaede said it’s because you two are in a honeymoon phase, so I’m not mad or anything...I really just meant it as a joke.”

She wasn’t mad, truly. The prickles of anger had long since left her in favor of a distinct empty feeling in her chest when she thought about it too much. She had Kaede too, so it wasn’t nearly as bad as it could have been if she still relied solely on Kokichi for social interaction. Even so, she did miss personal time with the little monster.

Kokichi considered this for a moment.

“Well, bitch, I’m all yours for a couple of hours, so let's plan some one-on-one meetings. As my second-in-command, we got to establish trust and loyalty,” Kokichi said, his voice somewhat off, almost flustered, “And...if you’re having to talk to Akamatsu about it, obviously I haven’t been giving you enough attention. So, let’s change that.”

Kokichi sat up with a start and gave Miu little time to comprehend what her best friend had said.

“Spill the beans. How are you feeling? What’s the situation with you and Akamatsu?” His somber expression changed into a smug smirk, prodding her side with his elbow. “Seems like there was some progress there, huh?”

“What do you mean?” Miu pressed, feeling her face get hot. Even without a direct accusation, she knew Kokichi had (what he perceived to be) evidence in the chamber ready to be shot at her given the right moment.

“You guys seem much closer than usual. Like...holding hands? Slumber parties? Deep, sentimental talks?”

“How do you know about the talks?!”

“I didn’t. Well, it was implied with what you already said, but now I know for sure!” 

Kokichi's signature laugh filled the room, an air of arrogance permeating from him. She wanted to punch him hard in the gut so he’d shut up, but she resisted. There was always later and doing it after an almost-disagreement seemed like a bad idea.

“Fuck, I always walk into your traps,” Miu groaned, crossing her legs and throwing them onto the coffee table, “Well, I mean we’re good friends if  _ that’s  _ what you’re asking. I’ve never felt this close to someone so quick.”

Kokichi’s eyes squinted at her, but he didn’t speak.

“And she’s really great. She calms me down when I get irrational and she supports me all the time even when I’m being a dumb piece of shit. She even asked to see my  _ inventions _ . My  _ special  _ inventions, Kich! She wasn’t even weirded out and listened to a speech about all of them. This was our first sleepover too, so I wouldn’t have been surprised if she was!”

She tried to guess what thoughts must be going through Kokichi’s head by observing the tiny changes of his face. It didn’t take long for Miu to realize it would have been easier to decipher Harukawa’s poker face and that girl was a  _ wall _ . Eventually, Kokichi sighed, bored of her struggle, and made a move to speak.

“Do you...really only see her as a friend?”

“I...yeah?”

“You should see your face, Miu. You light up and get this dopey look in your eyes. Kinda like when you talk about your nasty-ass inventions,” Kokichi said, “You’re super obvious about it whether you know it yourself or not.”

He was silent for a moment, before adding, “People are going to catch on that something is going on. Some people already  _ are _ . Last night, Shumai tried to ask me about what’s going on with you and Akamatsu. I lied, of course, but you need to figure something out before it’s too late.”

“What...am I supposed to figure out? I can’t even tell I’m making these  _ faces _ ,” Miu said, resting her hands on her face and squeezing the flesh of her cheeks between her fingers, “I just want to have Kaede as a friend, you know? I have that, so I’m not sure what more I can do?”

Kokichi let out a loud sigh, flopping onto his side again dramatically. Whatever response he had hoped she’d say, she obviously hadn’t. But Miu wasn’t sure what he wanted. Did he want her to profess romantic love for Kaede? To change her whole view on soulmates in a matter of weeks when she had held these beliefs for years?

“Hey...I know this whole ordeal stems from your trauma, but...I have to say this as your friend. I’d be a real shitty one otherwise.” Kokichi paused a moment. “Make sure you’re not leading Akamatsu on. She wants a soulmate and if you can’t offer that, figure something out. If you don’t, you’re going to end up  _ crushing  _ her.”

Miu’s heart stopped at that and her whole mouth went dry. When she tried to breathe, her body seemed to fight against her and she barely held back the cough that followed. Her head was no different: a perturbing pressure seemed to manifest itself in the space between her skull and her brain. She would rub her temples in an attempt to ease the throb, but her arms hung at her side, heavy and unmoving. While she couldn’t explain the aches within her body, she knew one thing for certain: she didn’t want Kaede to be hurt. That was never her intention.

“I can’t offer much help here because I haven’t dealt with this issue, but I’ll support your decision as long as it’s a smart one. So don’t half-ass this one. Talk to me if you need to.”

“I just...I can’t, Kokichi,” Miu began, “Everything is okay if we’re friends. I can’t just come clean about this. I don’t want this to change...I don’t wanna lose Kaede, ya know.”

Miu felt the tears brimming in her eyes and her fingers were too sluggish to rub the first stray tear away. It wouldn’t have mattered though: the first one opened the floodgate and dozens of tears began to run down her face, stinging her cheeks as they went. With the tears came the labored breaths and the trembling body which alerted Kokichi to her current state. He sat up but paused as he assessed the situation. He was never good with raw, explosive emotions like this though.

“H-Hey, don’t cry on me. I’m not doing this to upset you and I wouldn’t have brought it up today if I thought it’d do this to you,” Kokichi said, hesitant fingers patting her shoulder, “I brought it up because I’d want you to do the same. You don’t have to have an answer, I just want you to think about it.”

“O-okay,” Miu panted between heaving, sloppy breaths.

“Let’s get you back to your whore self,” Kokichi said, “I’m not typically into stroking your ego, but who are you?”

“H-huh?” Miu blubbered, brushing away remaining tears, “Miu Iruma?”

“No, bitch.  _ Who are you _ ? Say your damn catchphrase.”

“I’m Miu Iruma…the gorgeous girl genius...whose good looks and golden brain will go down in history?”

“Oh, hell no. Say that again. With vigor and energy. Not like a dead fucking fish.”

So she did, over and over with more energy as Kokichi goaded her on. The more she said it, the more ridiculous the situation felt to her. Maybe “ridiculous” wasn’t the word, but it felt the closest to being correct. Her life last year seemed so easy. This year kept throwing her curveballs: her best friend finding his soulmate, herself finding her soulmate, hiding that fact from said soulmate, and so on. It was a fucked up mess and it seemed her emotions were forever revolving in this exhausting cycle with fear always biting at her heels.

A life without Kaede was impossible though. After all the moments they spent together, it was hard to imagine a life where the blonde wasn’t in it. The emotions were doable in comparison to the loss of Kaede.

But, leading Kaede on, it wasn’t fair. Yet, Miu didn’t know how to fix that.

When he was finally satisfied with her excessive declarations, he nudged her thigh with his foot and spoke, “Alright, you vulgar, conceited  _ bitch _ , go get ready for your birthday party. I don’t need everyone ganging up on me if they see I’ve already made you cry on your birthday.”

Miu snorted at that, rubbing at the wetness on her cheek, before bringing her foot up to kick Kokichi hard in his thigh.

“Fuck, hold your skirt down! I don’t need to see that shit.”

“You’re gay, it doesn’t matter,” Miu laughed.

Instead of feeling like shit like public cries tended to make her, her body seemed a bit lighter. She still carried the burden of having to make a choice sometime in the future, but sharing that knowledge with someone else and having support made it not feel as bad. Having Kokichi at her side and having his undivided attention when she needed it made a world of difference. She didn’t realize how much she needed her best friend and his wisdom. She didn’t realize how much she needed a good cry.

***

Kaede had been the last to arrive, huffing and puffing as Saihara let her in the doorway with a grocery bag and a gift bag in tow. As the door swung shut and the two friends conversed, Miu felt the chill outside creep inside and to where she sat on the couch, sending goosebumps up her legs. She tried to ignore it, placing her cardigan over her thighs where her skirt didn’t reach, as she anxiously waited for her friend to spot her.

When Kaede passed her bags to Saihara to be placed on the counter, she finally looked Miu’s way. Her face immediately brightened too–eyes twinkling and her mouth curling up into a smile–as she made her way over. Kiibo sent her an excited wave, lounging on Miu’s bean bag in his finest Minecraft t-shirt and jeans, and Kaede kindly returned it.

Kokichi, on the other hand, feigned disinterest from his seat beside Miu. Saihara had sat on the other side of him a few minutes prior, but it did seem Kokichi was making an effort to make Miu the focus that night. Maybe it was some level of guilt from earlier that did it, but Miu was no longer bothered. She had become a master of covering up breakdown hangover faces. She said as much to Kokichi too, but he didn’t seem as enthused as she did.

“Cutie!” Kaede began, squatting to grab Miu into a hug, “Happy birthday! How’s it feel to be twenty-one?”

Miu laughed as Kaede pulled away, “Pretty fucking good. I don’t even have to show my tits to get alcohol anymore.”

In her peripheral, she saw Kokichi get up from the couch and head over to his boyfriend in the kitchen. He caught her eyes for a moment, but it wasn’t accusing. He simply nodded and motioned with his eyes, as if to signal that he was giving them a moment together.

“I hope not,” Kaede said, leaning forward with her voice just above a whisper and her lips poised into something more mischievous, “It’d probably be pretty hard to put them away afterward, given their size and all. Sounds kinda like a headache, cutie.”

Miu blushed hard at that, her brain seeming to short circuit as she fumbled to make a witty comeback. When Kaede smiled innocently at Miu, as if she hadn’t said a thing, she decided there was no point in trying to fight. Kaede had got her desired response either way. No one would believe Kaede, of all people, would say such a thing either.

“Should we do cupcakes and presents now that Kaede is here, Iruma?” Saihara asked from the counter. Kokichi was at his side, but his focus was on the liquor bottles. 

“Yeah, why the fuck not? We can get plastered after.”

Miu hopped up and Kaede and Kiibo followed her to the counter. Kokichi made the executive decision to be the one to hand the cupcakes out but made sure to do so with a shit-eating grin that had everyone feel a bit more on edge. When he was about to hand one to Miu, she made sure to send him a warning.

“Don’t you fucking smash that into my face.”

“Aweeeee! Way to ruin the fun.”

“Did you do anything to the cupcakes?” Miu pressed.

Kiibo also shared the same concern. His voice was more concerned than her own, however.

“Oh, I definitely poisoned them. I did it after Shumai brought them!”

Miu pouted but still took a bite. It tasted perfectly normal. So, he  _ most likely _ didn’t poison them. When everyone else followed suit in taking a bite and then looking to Kokichi with scrutinizing eyes, his face finally shifted into something more indignant. 

“It was obviously a lie! You guys  _ really _ think I’d poison the birthday girl! I can’t believe this! After all the  _ love  _ I’ve shown!” Kokichi said, proceeding naturally into his crying theatrics. Miu swatted him before he could get into it completely.

It seemed to be enough to stop him, but that might just be because he was taking it easy on her today. With a discreet smile to Miu, he grabbed a cupcake for himself through his remaining tears and began to eat. 

Presents started being handed her way and Miu wasn’t about to turn them down. With a mixture of recklessness and precision, Miu opened Kiibo’s first.

To her surprise, it was welding goggles, something she had mentioned as a passing interest in text. She beamed at it, hating the ones the college supplied, and gave the shorter male a tight hug. His face ended up resting against her boobs and the embarrassed response he gave was almost another present in of itself.

Still laughing as she moved onto the next present, she tore off the wrapping to what must have been Saihara’s based on the nervous face he made. She was surprised to see a shoebox and even more surprised to find black, thigh-high boots on the inside. She looked up questioningly, amazed he’d even realize what kind of shoes she’d like. He didn’t seem that much interested in fashion if prior experiences said anything.

“I, uh, got some help from Kokichi,” Saihara said, his face growing pinker by the second.

The midget gave a thumbs up from beside him.

“Fuck!” Miu said in amazement, dragging one out, “Thanks, Saihara! I could use these fuckers for self-defense too! Look at the heels on these things!”

Saihara nodded, but it seemed hesitant. He was a non-confrontational pacifist, after all, so Miu wasn’t too shocked he wasn’t gung-ho on her using these bad-boys as a weapon. Miu didn’t move to hug him like Kiibo though–despite being very pleased with the gift–because she knew neither would be comfortable. With Kiibo, it was easier to overlook that because he had a personality that people couldn’t help but tease. Regardless, Saihara took no offense as she moved on to the next present: Kokichi. 

He had packaged the present into a gift bag, so Miu peeked past the flaps and found it contained a couple of items. She looked up to him skeptically. He looked sheepish for just a moment, before taking on his domineering personality once more.

“Well, I’m not letting robot-boy, Shumai, or Piano-fucker beat me.”

Miu snorted at that, digging into the bag. It was three items, actually. On one side was a box of cyan Bluetooth headphones and, beside it, was a container of Sukiyaki Caramels that only she and Kokichi liked. On the other side of the bag, Miu noticed a nondescript box and pulled it out. Pulling its lid off, Miu noticed it was a silver bracelet with a dainty chain. The main focal point, however, was the infinity symbol in the middle adorned with two, tiny pink topazes on each side.  
“Aweee, Cockroach,” Miu began, taking it out and clasping it onto her wrist, “Thank you, I love them. You didn’t have to get me so much, I would’ve liked anything...but thank you, Kich.”

“...Your welcome.” Kokichi’s voice was tense as he rubbed his neck, but any hints of vulnerability were dissolved as he quickly added, “Don’t lose that bracelet, bitch, it’s expensive.”

“Expensive?” Miu repeated, the bracelet feeling much heavier on her arm, “Then, why the  _ hell  _ did you buy it, fucker? Now, I’m gonna be panicked each time I wear it!”

“That was partially the reason I bought it,” Kokichi smirked.

“Ugh, whatever. Thanks, bitch,” Miu rolled her eyes, moving to the final present. 

Kaede watched her earnestly as Miu pulled the large gift bag her way, surprised by its weight. Much like Kokichi’s present, it wasn’t one single item. Carefully, Miu pulled out each item from the bag. The easiest to grab was the candles which, upon inspection, were lavender. The next item she pulled out was the object weighing down the bag: a pink, weighted blanket.

“I...” Kaede began beside her, “I noticed you get pretty nervous sometimes. I heard these things can help calm people down, so I was hoping they might help you. The blanket is wearable too, so you can clasp it around you and walk around.”

Miu’s chest felt sort of funny, but she tried to not let it stop her.

“Awe, Kaede...” Miu said, grabbing the other girl into a hug, “Thank you.”

Kaede laughed, muttering a response into Miu’s ear. She returned the hug easy, hands snaking around Miu’s waist and pulling her closer. Knowing the hug couldn’t last forever, Miu pulled away.

“With that out of the way,” Kokichi began, pulling out the alcohol he’d been eying earlier, “Let’s start a drinking game!”

“A drinking game, Kokichi? Shouldn’t we just drink?” Kiibo asked curiously, a hesitant look already etching itself into his features. Supposedly, from what Kokichi had told her, Kiibo was a lightweight through and through. From the one experience Miu had drinking with him, he had ended up passed out on the floor before midnight. His migraine the following morning was nothing to joke about either as he basically lived under his bed for a couple of hours to avoid light.

“A game could be sorta fun though, Kiibo!” Kaede said, giving him an encouraging smile, “I’ll make sure you’re okay, so you don’t have to worry!”

He blushed at that, sighing as if to signify defeat.

“Okay, so no complaints?” Kokichi said, not even waiting before he continued, “Good! Let’s play Most Likely To! All we gotta do is sit in a circle and ask who would ‘most likely’ do a thing and, on three, point to a person that it applies to! The person with the most fingers pointing at them has to drink the same amount of drinks.  _ Super  _ easy, right?!”

“We should have a max since there are five of us here. Maybe three?” Saihara offered, glancing around the room. Kokichi groaned about that being boring but ultimately agreed.

“Let’s do it at the table then, I don’t need Koizumi bitching if we spill alcohol in the living room,” Miu said, making her way to the circular table on the other side of the room. There were only four chairs, but it didn’t end up mattering because Kokichi had already chosen the spot on his boyfriend’s lap. Miu moved her chair closer to Kaede who sat beside her just in case those two became  _ too _ handsy. Kiibo, however, was none-the-wiser and took his seat beside the boyfriends.

“Okay, Miu, why don’t you start? Since you’re the birthday girl?” Kaede offered, patting the space right before Miu’s hand. She was a little sad that she didn’t move to hold her hand, but this was a more socially-intimate gathering. She couldn’t exactly blame her.

Miu nodded at Kaede’s suggestion, running through some thoughts in her head. There were three definite virgins here: Kaede, Kiibo, and herself. Saihara and Kokichi were definitely having sex and, honestly, she didn’t know how many sex questions she’d want to say if they’d only end up pointing at those two.

“Hmmm, well. Who’s the most likely to have a kid first?”

Almost everyone points to Saihara. Saihara pointed to Kaede, however.

“W-Why?”

“You feel like an awkward, emo dad. It makes sense,” Miu offered and the others nodded their heads in agreement.

“Then wouldn’t Kokichi also be an option for this?”

“Aweeee! You wanna have a kid with me? I’m honored, Saihara,” Kokichi said, wrapping his arm tight around his boyfriend. Saihara gave up, pressing his hands into his cherry-red face. With Kokichi’s help, Saihara’s shot glass was filled and downed three times with a cringe. The red on his face didn’t fade, but so far he seemed to be handling himself well.

When no one decided to go next, Kaede took the initiative.

“Who’s the most likely to break the law?”

Every hand pointed to Kokichi, even his own.

“Hey! It’d obviously be me. Are you picking on me, Akamatsu?”

There was a sparkle in Kaede’s eyes as she shook her head. She gestured towards Saihara and said, “It’s a favor to Shui. I don’t want him to be the only one intoxicated. But...just drink them slow, okay, Kokichi? I don’t want you sick.”

Saihara smiled at Kaede, a little dazed, but mostly coherent. Kokichi sighed, complained a little bit, before slamming down three shots without regard to his health. For the sake of Kokichi, Miu hoped that someone else would win for a while. He may be good with alcohol, but he often forgot how small he was. His body could only handle so much at once no matter how good he was with his alcohol.

Kiibo was next.

“Umm, who is the most likely...to die first?”

Everyone seemed to hesitate at this question, even Kiibo who was shocked he even said it. Flustered, he threw his hand in a direction and everyone followed suit. Kiibo pointed to Saihara, Saihara pointed to Kaede, Kokichi pointed to Kaede, Kaede pointed to Kokichi, and Miu pointed to Kaede. In other words, Kaede won with three votes.

Miu was surprised her hand had instinctually pointed to her friend and her heart stung. When a shocked Kaede asked why, Kokichi summarized it well.

“You’re too self-sacrificing. That shit’ll get you killed faster than anything.”

She hummed at that, before drinking the alcohol. She wasn’t as good as Kokichi at hiding her distaste, but she obviously had practice. Saihara was next and, through helpful whispers from Kokichi, finally decided on a question.

“Who’s...most likely to have their social media full of...anime and video games?”

Kiibo acted shocked when all hands pointed to him before glaring at his roommate for setting him up. He did the shots after grumbling for a bit and choked every time he managed to down one. Kaede reached over on the last one, patting his back reassuringly. His low alcohol tolerance was kicking in with a vengeance.

Kokichi was practically vibrating when it was his turn and he glanced Miu’s way before he spoke.

“Who is most likely to say something idiotic and sexual in public?”

She knew she was doomed the moment that question left his mouth, so she made sure to point an accusing finger his way. Not too surprisingly, all fingers ended up her way.

“Seems like someone is  _ really _ playing to certain people,” She muttered and took her first shot. Kaede placed a hand on her shoulder, almost apologetically, as Miu downed the rest of her drinks. She didn’t like how this particular alcohol’s flavor sat on her tongue. Disgusted, she ran her tongue along her teeth as if that would somehow coax the taste away. She made a mental note to not buy that brand again.

They played a couple more rounds and, as the group became collectively more intoxicated, so did the debates between questions. The air was electric despite the trials that followed each round and everyone often fell into fits of giggles. Kiibo was present despite his intoxication, but he had become quieter as time passed before beginning to sway in his seat with flushed cheeks and half-lidded eyes. When he finally succumbed to resting his head on the table and opting out of playing further, Kaede drew the game to a close.

In the end, the person who drank the most was probably Kokichi or Miu. At some point, they lost count, but a number of their questions were directed at the other. While they weren’t sloppy drunk yet, they were most likely on the line with no coordination and slurred speech (if you could call much of their vocalizations speech at all). This was an improvement to last time, however, as they had both ended up knocked out by the end of their previous competition.

Saihara most likely followed them on the leadership board and was dazed out completely at this point as he nuzzled deeply into his boyfriend's neck. When he did speak, his responses were whispers that Kokichi would have to translate. Kaede was the least drunk, but she was by no means sober. Her cheeks had a pretty-pink hue, but she was more coordinated than the rest.

Kaede made the move to hide the alcohol away from everyone’s grips, probably fearing further intoxication at this point would have someone throwing up. Miu watched with unfocused eyes, somehow chatting with Kokichi despite having no fucking clue what he was going on about. Something in his eyes said that he was probably in the same boat.

Kiibo was roused from the table carefully by Kaede who led him to the sleeping bag he had set up earlier that night. With uncoordinated, jelly limbs, he somehow got himself into his bag and rested on his side. Rubbing circles into his back with her fingertips, Kaede asked him a couple of questions. When she was satisfied enough with his answers, she left to grab a plastic bag from the counter and a water bottle from the fridge. Opening the water bottle, she left it at the smaller boy's side and opened up the plastic bag for easy access if he ended up needing it.

Miu caught Kaede’s eye when she stood up again. A flood of feelings flew through her, making her queasy and giddy all at the same time. Opening her arms wide, Miu beckoned her over.

“C’mereeeeee!” Miu whined, her world coming to spin all of sudden when she spoke, “D...Don’t choose that Kiibo fucker over me.”

Kaede looked at her, something between adoration and exhaustion. She made her way over regardless, placing her hands softly onto Miu’s shoulders. Big baby blue eyes stared into Kaede’s plum ones and the world seemed to drift away.

“Cutie, how about we all go watch a movie? You guys need to sober up a bit.”

“Noooooo...just pay attention to me. Those fuckers can go f...fuck themselves!”

Kokichi’s nasally laugh started up again, but Miu didn’t pay it much mind. She wasn’t really interested in  _ them  _ at the moment. Rather, she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the blonde in front of her. It didn’t help, in Miu’s opinion, that Kaede’s loose shirt dipped down low when she leaned over and a white, lace bra peeked out from underneath. It also didn't help that Kaede stood so close to her and that her voice sounded so sweet in Miu’s ears. She wanted to be closer.

Without much thought, she wrapped her arms around Kaede’s neck and pulled her into a hug. Kaede struggled for a moment, reorganizing her arms, before returning the hug from the odd position she was in. Sighing, she patted Miu’s back as Miu squeezed her closer.

“Fuck those motherfuckers. Let’s go do something. We don’t need them-”

“Uh, huh. Like watching a movie, huh? You can pick it and we can leave them out. Doesn’t that sound fun, Miu?”

Miu thought for a moment, wanting to agree. Her attempt at nodding only led her to nuzzling her friend’s neck. Kaede gasped at the movement.

“You smell really...good, ya know that. How...in the absolute fuck...do you smell like candy, Kaede?” Miu said, her lips gracing the other girl’s neck with each word, “Kaede...Kae-ndy...candy? Hehehe.”

Kaede pulled back, her lips beside Miu’s ear.

“You’re going to be  _ very  _ embarrassed tomorrow,” Kaede said, humor radiating from her voice, “I’m excited to see what you’ll do.”

“Hrgghh. You’re so sadistic...Don’t be mean,” Miu said, but Kaede didn’t give her much time to speak as she led Miu over to the couch. Kokichi, with the single brain cell he had left, followed after the girl and tugged a stumbling Saihara along with him. Saihara’s forethought to have their blankets and pillows at the ready ended up being a really smart one as Kokichi half-hazardly threw together a bed for himself and his boyfriend.

Kaede left her again to go down the hall into her bedroom. Miu complained, but quickly became distracted with the tingling sensation on her lips. With stiff fingers, she pressed into them and nearly squealed at the sensation of her numb flesh. With little regard, she smacked her face lightly and reveled at the lack of pain. Kokichi yelled at her to shut up, but she continued to repeat the action until Kaede appeared around the corner with blankets and pillows from her bed in hand.

“Kaede,” She mewled, trying to stand, but her wobbly legs nearly gave out.

Kaede was quick to scold her, but the small smile on her face only served to encourage Miu. Realizing her mistake, Kaede threw the items in her hands on one side of the couch and moved to push Miu back down into her seat. Miu took the opportunity to grab her friend and pull her down with her: Kaede’s knee resting between Miu's thighs and her boobs directly in Miu’s face. Pulling Kaede close, Miu sighed with content at the girl’s warmth.

“Stay...with me.”

“Let me sit down then,” Kaede said, bringing her hand up to stroke the top of Miu’s head. Leaning into the feeling for just a moment, Miu finally dropped her hands so Kaede could join her. However, as soon as Kaede sat, Miu couldn’t help but reach for her again. With uncoordinated movements, she replaced her arms around Kaede’s waist and rested her face on Kaede’s shoulder.

“Never leave me,” Miu said, her words nearly smothered by the slur in her voice and how her mouth pressed into the collar of Kaede’s shirt. 

“I’m not going to leave you.”

“Promise me you’ll never leave me.”

“Miu, cutie,” Kaede said, her fingers trailing Miu’s shoulders and down her spine, “I’m never going to leave you. I promise.”

As if that was the only thing keeping Miu awake, the world began to fall to black around her. With the remaining bit of consciousness in her, Miu leaned further into her friend’s warmth, gripping tighter, as if letting go for even a moment would have Kaede disappear altogether.

And, more than anything, Miu never wanted that to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nora’s Galaxy - It's a reference to Steven Universe! Since Miu’s report card mentioned that she liked cartoons, I felt like this would be a fun way to connect a show I love to a character I adore. :) It won't be a major theme, so don't worry if you hated the cartoon!
> 
> Kaede is a Pervert - When I played the game, I was thrown off by how sexual and flirty Kaede was with the girl cast. I was further confused when that part of her personality seemed to be overlooked by the fandom (at least the side I tend to be on)? It seems like a really fun characterization to me and really makes pairings like Kaede x Miu really fun! A closet pervert vs. an obvious pervert!
> 
> Gifts - I was trying really hard to figure out gifts for Miu and it only occurred very late into the process that the games literally gave a gift guide. In other words, these are based on that guide and my own personal opinions.
> 
> Potential addition to the Game- "Who wouldn't survive a killing game?"  
> I was going to add this one to the game scene, but it was too similar to Kiibo’s. In the end, I think it's kinda funny that technically only Shuichi survived. Everyone else at the table died. :)
> 
> Drinking - As an anecdote for the drink scene, I become a raging lesbian when drunk despite being pansexual sober (if that’s even possible lmao). I thought having Miu dip into an honest, needy personality would be fun since I really tried to tone her down throughout the plot.
> 
> Anyways thank you for commenting and reading! :) And THANK YOU to everyone for getting this fanfic to 76 kudos and 957 hits! I'm so happy to see this is being received well and I hope everyone continues to enjoy it. :')
> 
> See you next week! <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This one is a “shorty”! I wanted to do a double upload since the next chapter is around the same length, but finals and essays. :'( More on this below!  
> Songs:  
> -Second Best by Younger Hunger (https://youtu.be/9Rk3R55H9Ww)  
> -I Saw You in a Dream by Honey Moon (https://youtu.be/6wvyoOl_8FA)  
> 

The crisp feeling in the air was a sure tell of the coming December. With sweater weather moving fully into winter, Miu had to dress more conservatively than she would have otherwise. Even so, she preferred warmth over shivering during the whole shopping trip

Her outfit wasn’t bad either: thick fleece-lined leggings paired with an oversized mulberry sweater that bundled at her upper thighs with sleeves long enough that only fingers tip stuck out. Given the time of year, nobody noticed fingerless black gloves and she was able to covertly hide her latest art piece to Kaede without the questioning looks she’d sometimes receive during the warmer points of the year. With how her outfit’s colors came together, she even had the opportunity to break out the thigh-high boots from Saihara.

However, as put together as she looked on the surface, Miu could feel the tell-tale rumblings of anxiety tearing her stability apart piece by piece. In the time since her birthday, Miu still was trying to piece together all the events that encompassed it and tried to make sense of the right way to progress as a result. She considered herself lucky that her anxious nature didn’t drive her into hiding. Against all odds, she wasn’t freaking out as much as she probably would be nor was she avoiding Kaede. Still, it was hard to focus with so many pressing things in her mind. 

The most important, of course, was the soulmate issue with Kaede. She had to make a decision and leading Kaede on shouldn’t be one of them. It was a throbbing, cumbersome thought in her head too this morning while she drew the flower on her hand and guilt dug into her lungs as she observed the finished piece. Despite the feelings, Miu knew she didn’t want to stop. At least, not yet. 

She couldn’t place why that was the case, but she knew the drawings mattered to Kaede. Thus, it was easiest to pass that off as the sole reason. However, like Kokichi said, if she couldn’t reciprocate it, was it even fair to encourage hope? Kokichi was right in bringing that to her attention, but it hurt like nothing else to have the ability to live in denial shattered. With the coming of exam season and holidays, Miu moved the issue to the back of her head. It would have to simmer there for now. Miu knew that trying to juggle that and all the other events would only serve to panic her.

The next issue was the aftermath of her birthday party. No hangover occurred that morning–which was a blessing considering how much she drank–but the embarrassment was like nothing else. While Kiibo was out of commission, everyone else had woken up long before she had and saw how she had fallen asleep with her hands still roped around Kaede’s body. Kaede was more than accepting of it despite how Miu had ended up atop of her, head resting somewhere between her stomach and Kaede’s boobs, and their legs tangled.

With how Kaede caressed her hair and tried to soothe her obvious embarrassment, Miu could almost calm down and feign it wasn’t a big deal. However, the sound of a camera going off reversed any progress Kaede might have made. When she found Kokichi had even  _ more  _ pictures from when both were still asleep, she locked herself in the bathroom. While sitting on the tiled floor with her back pressed against the door, the key memories of the night came back with resounding clarity which made the situation that much more mortifying. She considered staying in there until they left (which would take god knows how long with Kokichi there and ready to attack), but, in the end, it wouldn’t solve much. Drunk her had been an embarrassment and now Kokichi had evidence of her drunk-self’s doings. There was no way she’d be allowed to forget that night and that much was proven when she was finally prodded to go back to the living room.

On top of the social issues in her life, she was a student–one that was paying a fuck ton of money for education. There was no point in failing her classes, retaking them, and going further into debt. In a week’s time, she’d have a number of projects due and exams to take and she’d be done. So, slacking at the homestretch seemed stupid.

Although...it was a tempting option.

Nevertheless, the aroma of Hope’s Peak Cafe did help soothe her nerves; the energy of the place almost intoxicating in comparison to her apartment. Her feet nudged at the bags lined up underneath the booth of the table and Miu felt a waft of pride hit her that she had accomplished so much holiday shopping after putting it off so long. Her favorite find of the day had been Kaede’s present too: a mini piano key backpack charm. While it would only be one piece of the whole present, Miu was certain the charm could be customized to be 10000% better. 

The whole experience was made even better because Kokichi and Kiibo were there.

While it wasn’t her intention, Kokichi had been making an effort to prioritize her too since the comment on her birthday. It did make her happy too and was a pleasant distraction from the current difficulties as they raised mayhem in the mall. Despite Kiibo trying to keep them in line, they were successful and DICE would have been proud of the level of trickery they had pulled off. Even though Kiibo was a little upset about being tugged around for such a “hassle,” he seemed pretty happy when she raved over his robotics project with him and seemed almost amused when Kokichi teased him.

Everything felt at peace at the moment. Miu wasn’t ready for that end.

Kokichi’s phone rang from across the table and violently awoke her from her daze. Popping the straw out of his mouth, he scowled at what Miu assumed to be the caller ID and gnawed at his bottom lip. Setting his boba tea down, he looked at Miu.

“DICE. call. I’ll be back in a bit.”

It wasn’t something to be questioned or argued with. Miu merely nodded as Kiibo roused with confusion across from her. Without another word, Kokichi hopped off the chair, leaving Kiibo and Miu. It was quiet for only a moment.

“So,” She began, nudging his shoe under the table, “How’s your hot chocolate, fucker?”

His face coiled up defensively and looked between Miu and his hot chocolate with a grimace. He really was like a dog, Miu decided. She’d peg him as one of the little ones that looked really cute, got snippy, but were mostly harmless. She couldn’t tell  _ exactly  _ which one yet, but she was really tempted to use a dog filter on him to see some options. Perhaps when he wasn’t so indignant though.

“ _ Like _ I told Kokichi, coffee makes me sick! And it tastes gross. Why would I get something I didn’t like?”

Miu bit back the smirk and instead opted to coddle him.

“Kii-baby, don’t be mad. I wasn't going to tease you about that, I was ju-”

Miu's voice was cut off mid-word as a shrill voice pierced the calm cafe ambiance.

“Wow wow  _ wow _ ! We have the same marks!”

Miu turned to see a short girl with long black hair and colored highlights vault a table. Her landing was shoddy, but she stood up with confidence regardless in front of another girl of equal stature. From what Miu could see, the girl’s pink eyes were pulled wide across her face–almost scarily so–as one of her slender, bracelet-covered arms grabbed much frailer ones. The victim (if that was the right word) stumbled back, but Miu couldn’t make out much as her choppy, purple hair obscured her face. Once her back was pressed against a table, her limbs became paralyzed against the wood as she silently stared at the other. It was like a rabbit caught in a trap and the desperate yelp that followed only seemed to cement that image in Miu’s mind.

“H-huh-huh? W..what!?”

Miu could recognize that voice anywhere.

The nervous-wreck that had been grabbed was Mikan Tsumiki.

Not much had changed since she saw her in early September and her small body wasn’t dressed for the weather outside. Lining her arms was a number of bandages, most likely from the girl’s clumsiness, but, between the tan fabric of bandaids, there was a number of drawings up and down the girl’s arms. While some of the drawings were too erratic to make out, Miu was close enough to see a variety of large music notes scattered about.

_ Music notes? _

A sinking feeling in her gut let her know the similarity of the situation wasn't lost on her.

The black-haired girl wasted no time in scooping up Tsumiki in her arms and spinning around, nearly knocking out other patrons and chairs that happened to be in the way. It went without saying that they were soulmates and at least one part of the match seemed very elated at that discovery. Tsumiki was a harder nut to crack, so it was better to hold off too much judgment. Something about her complacency told Miu that Tsumiki would have a mutual feeling to her soulmate’s given some time to adjust. But– 

Miu brushed the thought away

This really wasn’t her business: Miu didn’t need to dissect other’s relationships when she could barely understand her own. So, she turned her head back to Kiibo.

He, however, continued to stare in reverent longing at the scene. She allowed it for a moment or two, swishing the whip cream further into her mocha before she decided to snap him out of it. However, before she could move to speak, Kiibo turned to her.

“I...wonder what it feels like to find your soulmate?”

There was an exhale that followed it: shaky and desperate. He wanted reassurance.

Miu bit her lip, realizing that was a hard thing to provide. For her, it hadn’t felt good. She had been nauseated beyond belief and  _ terrified _ to the point of shock _. _ She still pursued a friendship with them despite that and realized that being with them wasn’t nearly as bad. No, Miu had found out pretty earlier on she liked being next to Kaede and feeling her comfort.

She couldn’t say that though–that seemed to be the theme lately too–so she offered the next best thing.

“I don’t know. It’s probably what you make of it, Keebs,” Miu responded.

She hoped it was satisfactory enough as an answer. In a sense, it was probably pretty true too. If she hadn’t had the life she did, Miu knew she would have been like anyone else upon figuring it out. She probably wouldn’t wear gloves and both girls would have figured it out that day at the cafe when Miu drew on Kaede. She would have been happy. Kaede might have been too. 

But Miu neglected to entertain the thought further. There was no point in placing merit in different realities when she still needed to exist in the current one.

Kiibo registered her comment with a dreamy stare, nodding up and down as a small smile appeared on his face. After a long pause, he seemed to come to just enough to drop his eyes and begin to fidget with his fingers. It took another moment for him to speak.

“I’m not sure if I have a soulmate, but I’d like to find mine one day.”

Something about that kicked puppy look on his face made Miu feel protective. She didn’t want someone like him to face the loss she had seen and experienced. It was too late for her to do anything with Kokichi, but maybe she could still save Kiibo from that sort of fate. If not save him, she could at least caution him.

“Maybe...it’s better if you don’t find them? Even if you do have one?”

“Huh?” Kiibo said, his fingers stopping, “What do you mean?”

“I mean...what if they hurt you?” Miu felt a burning feeling rush up from her neck to her cheeks as Kiibo looked up at her with curious eyes. “I mean... _ bad _ people exist. So, like, what if your soulmate is a  _ bad  _ person?”

Miu scratched her neck as a suffocating feeling took form. She knew now that she was being too vulnerable and her intent got consumed by misused words. This was supposed to be a fun day and she was getting too into something that she should be used to deflecting by now. Even as the tightness in her throat came to a climax, the words kept slipping through her teeth.

“It’s...just something I feel like people don’t consider a lot.”

_ And, if they’re not bad, what if they leave you?  _

The words were at the edge of her tongue, but Miu was proud she held them back. She wasn’t about to let that fear out at a coffee shop with Kiibo whom she had only started to get closer to.

The fact that Kiibo didn’t immediately rebuke the statements she said made her feel better at her sudden outburst. Rather, Kiibo seemed to consider it deeply as his eyebrows furrowed tight against the top of his eyes and he bit down on his lips.

“Even so!” Kiibo began, coming to a conclusion, “I’d like to find out for myself! I wouldn’t want to live my life and not ever give myself the chance to know...and also–”

Kiibo took a cautious look around.

“...holding hands seems kind of nice!”

He blushed at the end of his statement and Miu perked an eyebrow at him

“Have you  _ never _ held someone's hand before? Even with a friend?”

Kiibo looked at her skeptically and confused as if the idea itself seemed preposterous. He shook his head fervently and said he hadn’t. Miu took the segue way out of the prior topic with ease.

“Well, then bring your hand over here!” Miu demanded, offering a goofy smile to him, “This’ll be your first friend hand holding!”

“Really?” Kiibo said, sliding his hand across the table tentatively like he expected the offer to be rescinded. When Miu showed no signs of backing down, his face blushed a deep red and he aptly avoided making eye contact with Miu out of his palpable embarrassment. As shy as he was, his fingers coiled tightly around her own as soon as she pressed their palms together. After acclimating to the touch, he relaxed visibly in his seat and turned back to her.

“This is...nice!”

Miu nodded encouragingly, squeezing his hand.

The door’s bell sounded from somewhere to the side of her and she saw Kokichi make his way back over to them. His face was composed, unreadable. Miu hoped that meant good things for the organization.

Kiibo’s phone went off behind her and Miu felt their handhold slacken ever so slightly.

At the table, Kokichi eyed their interlocked hands and sent Miu an incredulous look.

“Do you make a habit out of holding every person’s hand when I leave you alone with them?”

Miu glared at him but didn’t get a second to respond as Kiibo pulled his hand from Miu’s grasp and stood from the table with a clatter. Staring at his phone, he half-hazardly threw his items into his backpack. As soon as the bag was settled on his back, he clutched his hot chocolate in his hands and offered an apologetic look.

“Sorry! I have to meet up with Tsumugi. She needs help building outfits and I forgot I promised to help her today!” Kiibo explained, the remnants of his earlier blush fading away in favor of a more determined look. 

Miu and Kokichi didn’t put up a fight at this, simply waving him off with a couple of words as Kokichi took a seat at the table. The cafe had returned to normal since the earlier interruption; buzzing with light chatter and the sounds of the white-haired barista preparing drinks. Kokichi’s eyes were glued to his phone once more though. He looked up to meet hers not long after.

“So, it looks like Atua-nutjob is throwing a party in January? I don’t know why she’s planning so early, but Shumai said that we’re both invited.”

“Yonaga?...How does Saihara have that information?” Miu asked, squinting her eyes.

“She’s in General Psych with us. I guess they started talking there?” Kokichi offered, setting his phone face down, “But who gives a shit about that? Did you see Mioda carry off Tsumiki? She almost smashed into me on the way out and the other girl was  _ sobbing _ . I couldn’t tell if she was kidnapped or not.”

“You’re fucking kidding,” Miu laughed, “They found out they were soulmates in here a few minutes ago.”

“Seriously?” Kokichi leered, “Mioda and  _ Tsumiki? _ ”

“They’re gonna be a fucking duo, that’s for sure” Miu agreed, “Mioda...She seemed  _ wild. _ Tsumiki is wild but in a socially-anxious, klutzy sort of way.”

Kokichi nodded.

“Mioda’s  _ wild,  _ alright.” Kokichi rolled his eyes. “You should hear her music too! Sounds like angels in a choir.”

Miu had half a brain-cell to know that the girl’s music had to be anything, but. 

“Soulmates are supposed to be perfect matches, right?” Miu’s eyes drifted from Kokichi’s eyes, observing the obvious soulmates in the seats around them. They seemed magnetized to one another even in the moments when their attention wasn’t directed at each other. It was a lot like how Kokichi and Saihara acted. Almost like how Kaede and herself did too.

Miu felt herself flush as she turned her attention to her hands and the thin fabric of her glove. If she wanted, she could trace her finger along the colored outline of the pear blossom she drew with perfect, practiced precision. She wondered if Kaede had done the same.

“I mean it’s kinda hard to imagine  _ their  _ relationship being anything, but chaotic. Mioda seems like she’d break a door given the chance and I can’t even begin to imagine the heart attack Tsumiki would have as a result,” Miu gave an empty laugh at the thought, absentmindedly adding, “With me and Kaede, it makes more sense than that, but I guess we’re not at the extremes-”

Miu paused, realizing what she said. Looking up confirmed Kokichi caught it too as he cocked his head to the side, a little smile curving at the edge of his lip. It was a wordless invitation to continue talking. It was desperation that had her doing so, not necessarily obedience.

“N-N-Not that I’m accepting the soulmate bond or whatever! I’m just saying it as an example!”

“Uh-huh?”

“I mean Kaede wouldn’t be a bad person to date! I don’t mean  _ that  _ at all. She’s really fucking great and nice and she  _ would  _ be a great girlfriend. God, I’m sure she’d be the best-”

Miu slapped a hand over her lips, no doubt smearing her lipstick and causing a few people to look her way with the exaggerated  _ oomph  _ she let off. It’s not like she could bother to mind that detail though. The heat emanating from her face was making her sweat and fidget under Kokichi’s gaze. She chose to blame her lack of tact on Kokichi’s dumb perceptive ability and that he could pressure people into talking.

With a groan, she tucked her face behind her hands and took a couple of deep breaths. Once her thoughts were somewhat together, she looked up to see Kokichi sucking a boba pearl up his straw, eyes still trained on her.

“Look, if this whole soulmate thing wasn’t an issue, I’m sure dating her wouldn’t be awful. She  _ is  _ a really caring person and all, but...I’d rather just be friends with her? It feels safer that way.” Miu bit her lip for a moment before giving an uneasy smile. “Honestly, I should just steal away Saihara’s best friend badge and be Kaede’s best friend–”

At the suggestion, Kokichi’s face darkened. She was about to ask what the hell got on his nerves about what she said–because it seemed like a major improvement to avoiding Kaede–but her confusion quickly turned to anger when Kokichi spit a boba pearl from his mouth at her. It hit her left cheek, leaving a disgusting, sticky residue in its departure.

“ _ EWWWWW _ ! What the fuck, bitch?”

A grin returned to his face as if he hadn’t committed a hygienic atrocity.

“Don’t be stupid! You should know better than anyone why that would be a problem!” Kokichi said, a saccharine sweetness instilled in each word, “I already got that fucking badge, bitchlet!”

Miu groaned, “You gotta be kidding me.  _ That’s  _ what makes you jealous? What? Are you in  _ middle school _ ?”

Kokichi kicked her hard underneath the table.

***

“Okay, but I’m like 100% sure you’re doing that wrong,” Miu said, staring her partner Kazuichi Soda down as he continued to turn the same gear over and over.

She wouldn’t have cared usually because there was always something funny about watching overconfident guys get their ass handed to them. This was Soda too and she had worked with him a couple of times prior with great success. So, there was  _ always _ something entertaining about the part-time simp and full-time mechanical prodigy screwing up. However, with two days until that very project needed to be turned in, Miu wasn’t afraid to step on a couple of fingers to ensure she passed the class.

“Well, then what am I–” Soda began but stopped mid-thought to dodge a gear that flung itself from their contraption.

“Fuck, just let me do it,” Miu said and, after a moment of struggle, Soda relinquished his seat and let Miu take his place. His eyes were still wide as he retrieved the gear from a patch of grass it had thrown itself to. Even so, he wordlessly passed her the piece. 

It was one of those odd, warm winter days that came out of nowhere: the sun was sweetly resting atop her skin and warming the back of her neck. The niceness of it was one of the reasons she had decided to dress in a skirt; figuring another opportunity wouldn’t be likely when the snow finally set itself in the forecast. For the most part, it hadn’t been too bad of an idea, but the cool cement of the picnic table did send a chill up her spine when her bare thighs made contact. She would've said Soda was smart for dressing in his signature blue jumpsuit, but that was  _ literally  _ the only thing he wore and she was certain he didn’t have duplicates. She wasn’t about to offer that compliment, even internally. At least he didn’t appear to reek with their close proximity.

From where he stood beside her, she could feel Soda squirming though: scratching his neck, pulling at the cuffs of his jumpsuit, and even braiding his hair at one point. It was distracting and Miu could barely focus on the intricacy of the widget with the excessive movement. Her frustration built and she was about to ask what his problem was when the problem solved itself.

“You’re part of that LGBT club with Sonia, right?”

Sonia Nevermind: the princess-to-be of the Kingdom of Novoselic. According to rumors, she had bodyguards around her in the guise of students, but Miu didn’t know how accurate that was. What she did know was that Nevermind was here to further her abilities with leadership, foreign language acquisition, international law, and other technical, boring topics that Miu couldn’t be bothered to understand. Miu also knew that Nevermind was Soda’s long-term crush (even if he had never explicitly said it). Miu couldn’t really place  _ why _ though. She was sure there was some kind of complex associated with it, but she wasn’t about to psychoanalyze him though.

“Huh?” Miu stopped, looking up to Soda, “I mean, yeah, sorta. I only go when I get the chance, why?”

He puckered his lips, running his knuckle along his jaw.

“Well, Miss Sonia met her soulmate and I was sorta– _ maybe _ –hoping you would know who they were? She won’t tell me.”

Nevermind, from their limited interactions, appeared to be a girl befitting of her royal ancestry and easily took to leading any events the club did. It was interesting to see the quirks of her home-country take form in the club or when she struggled to understand the local lingo. She never seemed to get frustrated either no matter how big the misunderstanding. Instead, she approached everything with a smile and determination. Nevermind, overall, seemed really sweet despite the life of privilege and her charisma had people flocking to her. She was smart too, so her ideas for the club were regarded highly.

With all that said, she wasn’t a person Miu found herself gravitating to for whatever reason despite Nevermind being stunningly attractive. Maybe it was the dignified aura she gave off? Miu  _ knew _ a life of regal affairs sounded monotonous; nothing she'd ever claim for herself.

In terms of her having a soulmate in the club, it seemed very unlikely. All the other members, besides herself, were pretty star-crossed about soulmates and would often draw a barrage of images on themselves. Nevermind’s skin, on the other hand, was always clear of any markings. So, it didn't seem like she had a soulmate to write to. Well,  _ unless _ she had made agreements with her soulmate to not be open about their connection. That made sense. That sort of information was probably dangerous, creating liabilities.

Ultimately, it was none of her concern though how they handled their relationship or if Nevermind had a soulmate or not.

Still, the conversation did perk her interest in regards to Soda though. It was one of the downfalls of soulmates: having to give up your feelings you organically made. If it was the person who was in love with another that found their soulmate, they were expected to change in the favor of that other person, sometimes someone they  _ just  _ met. Even in the rare case you knew the person before finding out the soulmate status, there was still the need to adjust to the relationship and quell former flames. For some people (like Soda), it was the opposite and they had to watch the person they loved be whisked away. Both were equally awful.

“Nope, she’s pretty private about that stuff. You have a crush on her, right? That fucking sucks, man.”

He sighed at that.

“Yeah, I really do. My soul friend Hajime has tried to cheer me up, but it’s a bummer,” He said, taking a seat beside Miu on the bench, “I just really liked her, ya know? For two years! It was love at first sight.”

While it was up to debate if his love was infatuation, truly genuine, or something else entirely, she had no right to correct him. His troubles had her head thinking though.

Namely, how would it have felt if she had fallen for someone before she met Kaede? She had never fallen in love before, so she wasn’t even sure what the feeling would do to her. Some people described it as crushing or suffocating; a burn that they would grow to enjoy. Others said it made them feel as light as air, invincible even. Every book she read on the topic made it sound like the greatest drug imaginable like a panacea to all a person’s world troubles.

Just imagining the feelings that would come with that person being snatched away or having to give up your love for another had her trembling. It sounded like the  _ worst _ kind of cold-turkey situation. Physical addictions could be healed (albeit not easily), but something so deeply emotional would be a scar that festered, never quite leaving. She had seen it with her dad and that person had been his soulmate. No matter if it was organic or a soulbond, avoiding vulnerable, emotional attachments like that seemed like the best course of action. 

Miu considered herself lucky she didn’t bother with romantic attraction in her past because she was so scared of being hurt. Although, the avoidance of that attraction did beg the question of if she would ever love someone beyond the platonic and sexual. With how things were going, Miu wasn’t sure. The idea of that sort of love was romanticized in the media, but it was hard to put herself in the situation. The more she thought about it, the more she realized she couldn’t imagine loving anyone. The idea of loving Kaede like that, as the soulbond intended, was like a death sentence.

In the end, it seemed she was destined for her life to continue as it was.

Well, except that she really couldn’t continue being complacent. She knew she needed to make that decision  _ soon _ too. She had barely made any progress though: she still needed to figure out what choices she  _ could _ make. Once she figured out some options, the next step would be discovering the corresponding consequences. Action was last and she knew that some of the consequences of what choice she made couldn't be predicted, only to be discovered once it was too late to backpedal. It was already giving her a headache. 

Offering an inkling of compassion for his shitty situation, Miu patted his shoulder gently and he turned his head to meet hers. Somber eyes began to sparkle.

“Hey…” He beamed, “Have  _ you _ met your soulmate? Maybe-”

Miu didn’t bother hiding her disgust.

“Yeah,  _ absolutely  _ not.”

***

While her brain felt like a sponge that had been wrung dry after finishing all her finals, Miu still found herself at her desk in the early hours of the morning working on Kaede’s Christmas present. While the structure had been readjusted to accommodate the upgrade, it would probably require a couple more hours of work that she couldn’t bring herself to do at the moment. With there still being a few weeks before Christmas, Miu offered herself some kindness and clambered out of her desk to call it a night. 

As Miu was throwing on an oversized t-shirt, she heard the subtle vibrations on her desk coming from her phone. Given it was around two in the morning, Miu wasn’t certain who was calling and almost wanted to put it off as a telemarketer. Even so, a peek at the lit-up screen proved otherwise: it was Kaede.

Within a second, the call was answered and pressed to her ear.

“Miu?” Came a breathy voice, “Sorry, did I wake you?”

“No, I was awake,” Miu said, voice soft, “Are you okay, Kaede?”

Miu took a seat on her bed, letting herself fall back into the pillows as she awaited a response from the girl on the other end. It didn’t come immediately. When she pressed the phone closer to her ear, she could vaguely make out the sounds of sniffling.

“I...yeah...no. Sort of?” Kaede responded finally, “I had a nightmare and I just...needed to talk to someone.”

“Do...do you want to talk about your dream?” Miu said, briefly wondering if it was a stupid request. Kaede didn’t seem bothered by it, however.

“I know how you feel about soulmates, but it involved mine? So sorry if talking about it bugs you,” Kaede began and Miu felt a familiar knot form in her stomach.

“No, no. Go ahead. You’re fine.”

“Thank you.” Miu heard a shaky breath. “I...I was in some park or something and I saw this figure? I mean, I couldn’t  _ see  _ them, but I just  _ knew  _ it had to be my soulmate. I was...I guess chasing them down the sidewalk and every time I almost caught them, they’d get farther away. Eventually, I realized it was because they didn’t  _ want  _ to get caught.”

Miu held her breath. Another sharp intake of breath came through the phone.

“I just...I-is it a sign I should give up? Does my soulmate not want me? I get it’s a dream and-”

“No.”

Not wanting Kaede? That was the furthest from the truth. Miu knew she wanted Kaede in her life, but she was certain that labeling it as a romantic or as a soulmate bond was setting it up for failure. She  _ knew _ she wanted Kaede beside her more than anything, but Miu was not going to put herself in the position to lose her either. Kaede’s suggestion, regardless of the truth of the matter, sent a painful shock down her spine and made her vision dizzy.

“Why wouldn’t-” Miu began, faintly tasting the “I” that almost left her mouth.

With a big breath, she continued.

“Why wouldn’t they want you? You’re fucking amazing, Kaede.”

“I’m pretty ordinary, Miu.”

“ _ Fuck _ , Kaede. You’re anything but,” Miu said, feeling the words tremble as they left her mouth, “God, do I have to go into detail?”

“Miu, you don’t really–”

Miu pressed on. 

“Kaede, you’re one of the prettiest people I’ve ever seen. You light up rooms when you walk in them and people are  _ magnetized _ to you.”

“Miu–”

“You are also one the kindest, most caring people on the fucking planet; no contest. You’ve been nothing, but amazing to the people around you. Like,  _ damn _ , you don’t even really know Kiibo, but you took care of him when he was drunk and nursed him back to health the next day while you were dealing with  _ my _ embarrassing ass.”

Kaede was silent this time, but Miu could still hear her on the other end of the line. It was embarrassing to laud someone so aggressively, but Miu knew it needed to be said. Out of anyone, Kaede should  _ not  _ be insecure.

“And you’re so talented too. When you played at the recital, I was...fucking memorized. I don’t really go to concerts and shit, but, if I could listen to you for even a second, I’d go to every single one.”

Miu stopped the tirade, deciding to end it with a resolute: “You’re amazing, Kaede. Your soulmate... _ fuck _ , they got a lot to measure up to.”

There was a bitter laugh on the other end. It wasn’t condescending, rather it sounded more self-deprecating and unbelieving than anything. 

“You’re so sweet, Miu, but it’s hard to believe...” Kaede began, her tone off, “I have this feeling my soulmate’s pretty amazing and I’ll be the one who’s lacking. I know it’s probably dumb, but I just...I just wish I could meet them.”

Miu fell silent at that. The one thing that could help her friend feel better and she was withholding it out of fear. She felt pathetic.

Kaede’s voice came through her phone's speakers again.

“I kinda wish you were here right now, Miu. I like knowing you’re there. It's kinda silly, but you make me feel safe.”

“Do you want me to?” Miu said, offering without forethought.

“...No, I’m sitting beside a window and I can see that the weather isn't looking too good. I wouldn’t want you to get hurt,” Kaede responded, “Just...save some time for soon, okay? You’ve been hanging out with so many people. I'm almost scared they're gonna steal you away."

Kaede’s laughter was muffled, but Miu still warmed at the sound.

“I doubt anyone’s gonna steal me away,” Miu countered, “And I really don’t hang out with a lot of people either. On break, I’d be surprised if it’s anyone, but you and Cock-kichi. But, anyway, if you need me, everyone else can go fuck themselves. I’m always gonna have your back, Kaede.”

“Miu,” Kaede said, her voice cracking, “Thank you so much...for being here for me and being my friend. I...I know Shuichi will always be there for me too, but I know it’s hard for him with his mental health and I don’t want to stress him out. I  _ know _ he would try, but I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable…I don’t want to make you uncomfortable either–”

Miu waited, listening as the sniffling subsided. Somehow, she knew Kaede needed some time to get everything out in the air.

It’s just...I’m glad I have you Miu. I feel so safe talking about things like this with you,” Kaede said and Miu could hear the smile on her face, “You’re one of the best friends I’ve ever had and I’m  _ never  _ letting go. If you try to run away...I’ll get Shui to hunt you down.”

“I wouldn’t ever leave...but don’t forget I have DICE and Kokichi on my side. I’m sure Saihara would have his hands full.”

“But so would you, Oma, and all of DICE! I’m definitely going to get you back,” Kaede said, her determination turning to laughter. Giggling as well, Miu brushed back her hair and pressed the phone even closer to her ear to hear the melodic laughter on the other end better. She loved hearing it and she loved being the cause of it.

When they both calmed down, silence took its place and it was one Miu didn’t mind. It was comfortable. The idea that the other would be on the other end of the call for as long as they needed or until their phones' batteries gave out made it feel like there was no distance at all. 

Placing her hand onto her comforter and closing her eyes, Miu could imagine Kaede there; a breath away from herself and her perfume wafting through the room. In this vision, there was no threat of obligations, no worry of soulmates, and no outsiders to peek in. There, they were the only two that existed.

Miu found she’d have it no other way.

“Hey,” Kaede spoke, ”is it snowing for you? I think I see snowflakes.”

Miu got up and peeked through the curtains, watching blurry snowflakes flutter in the breeze: the first snowfall of winter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mikan x Ibuki - It was a last-minute decision, but I thought that Mikan deserved to be happy. :) They're only mentioned one more time in this fic (I believe), so no worries if it's not your cup of tea!
> 
> Soda and Miu - I feel like Soda and Miu would be friends, but she’d definitely bully him. While I don’t plan to explore this relationship in this fic, feel free to imagine these two simps living their best lives. I like Soda too, as a side note, but he’s fun to pick on. >:) And he is canonical stinky from what I understand from the DR3 scene? (I’m not far into the anime, so forgive me if I’m wrong haha).
> 
> Sonia - As for Sonia’s soulmate, it’s up in the air! Maybe she’s lying? Who knows. :) I’ll leave this up to interpretation because I like shipping Sonia x Gundham, Gundham x Soda, Soda x Gundham x Sonia. So, do as you wish here!
> 
> ANYWAYS! Finals are coming up for me which means too many essays and dumb tasks. :\ I want to keep up the schedule I have, so there will be a chapter next week, but I will /try/ to do a double upload if time allows! Thanks for sticking around, I know this chapter was a bit filler-esque, but it does serve a purpose, haha. 
> 
> Thanks everyone for also getting the fanfic to 1230 hits and 91 kudos! I appreciate it so much. :')


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry, it's a little later than usual. Please let me know of any errors!  
> Songs:  
> "This December" by Ricky Montgomery (https://youtu.be/FpIsc2N0CNw)

The ride to Momota and Saihara’s apartment was quiet. Fresh snow blanketed empty streets and buildings stood dark and vacant. Holiday decorations covered streetlights and against the structures of various structures, but they were obscured in deep shadows as the sunset passed the horizon. 

It was quiet too, almost unbearably so as the radio of the timeshare’s car cackled with static and the driver looked forward with tired eyes, biting back the occasional yawn. Miu wished him goodbye out of politeness as his car pulled up against the curb of the apartment complex. Tugging the large gift bag up the concrete stairs, Miu wasted no time in tapping the doorbell so her hand could wrap itself back into her sweater, away from biting cold.

Adding a couple of passionate knocks a few moments later, the door finally opened enough to get caught on the chain before Ryoma Hoshi’s face appeared. His eyes were narrowed and his lips lied in a flatline as he took a moment to observe her. Miu didn’t know him too well personality-wise, but they knew each other’s faces well enough through Saihara that he didn’t bother asking questions. Closing the door to unlatch the bolt, Hoshi opened the door and moved aside to let her in without a second thought. With a candy cigarette perched on his lips, he muttered a holiday greeting before taking off deeper into the house. 

As she stepped through the doors, the heat of the apartment clung to her and Miu regretted her choice of clothing. After a moment of fumbling, Miu managed to lock the front door while holding the cumbersome gift bag and began her descent down the hallway. Despite a lot of people leaving to go home for the holidays, the apartment was still occupied by several familiar faces. A majority of them she had met through her dorm or through the dumb mandatory freshman events. Through odd and tentative connections, they still ended up in each other's lives regardless of their different paths and interests. Miu considered how many realities this sort of outcome didn't play out. Then, she humored herself and considered how many realities they all  _ did _ meet again, perhaps in more interesting situations than a holiday party.

The place was better decorated than she’d expect the boys to do too. They had been roommates for their first two years of college and neither of those living situations had been decorated from what Saihara had said. Momota had tried but gave up when the printer papers full of various space-related items fell. Supposedly the himbo didn’t think to use a stronger adhesive than cheap, clear tape from the dollar store. Saihara, on the other hand, didn’t really take to fashion or decorating. He saw his space as something to work in and, if the mass of books he collected looked aesthetic, then so be it.

With all that said, someone had gone through the effort to hang string lights, wreaths, and place various Santa-esque objects around empty spots in the apartment. Light music played from a speaker with the instrumental of what appeared to be “Jingle Bells” and the place smelled vaguely of peppermint. Considering its usual aroma, Miu was happy with the improvement. The mass of people here should appreciate it considering what she had to go through when she visited emo boy.

However, despite the handful of people in the living room, she didn’t see Kaede, Kokichi, Saihara, Kiibo, or anyone she felt any true desire to talk to. It didn’t take long for herself to grab someone else’s attention though. The light green eyes of Kirumi Tojo, one of Kaede’s friends, caught hers, pausing any further movements.

Tojo stood from her seat on the couch beside a cuddling Yumeno and Chabashira and closed the short gap between herself and Miu.

“Pardon me," she began, "but are you looking for Saihara?”

Despite the cold weather and casual-nature of the gathering, Tojo was ever so diligent in maintaining her professional attire. Her sleeved a-line midi dress complimented her well and Miu was almost surprised to see the sleeves and upper chest of the dress were a translucent mesh, pale skin peeking out as she moved under the light. She looked powerful: the type of person Miu would see on campus and  _ know _ they’d be ruling the world someday. Somehow, if it was Tojo, Miu wasn’t too worried about that possibility either.

“Uh, yeah, sure.” Miu rubbed her neck, wondering if she had been  _ that  _ obvious. “You know where he is?”

Tojo nodded, interweaving her fingers against the black fabric of her dress.

“Yes, Saihara and Kaede went to his bedroom not too long ago.”

Miu nodded, giving her thanks, and headed in that direction. She had never technically been in Saihara’s room before–only sticking to the living room and occasionally seeing selfies that Kokichi took in there–but she knew well enough from her previous visits where it was. The usually-vacant door had been decorated for the holiday too, but Miu had a sneaking suspicion that some of the childlike drawings were Kokichi’s handiwork since something about them seemed oddly suggestive.

Then again, Miu knew she had an overactive imagination with that sort of thing. Giving it no more thought, Miu brought her fist to the door and gave two hard knocks.

“Uhhh, hold on!”

A shuffling of feet followed the muffled voice shortly after and the sound of objects being thrown around the room. Miu was caught between straining to hear what the commotion was and backing away from the door altogether. If it was just Saihara and Kaede, there was no way in hell they would be engaged in anything like  _ that _ . If Tojo was mistaken earlier and it was actually Kokichi and Saihara, then…

“Okay,  _ uh _ , you can come in!”

That was Saihara’s voice, no doubt. The fact he was letting her in the room rather than telling her he’d be out later was promising that he hadn’t been hoeing it up at the party. Still a little hesitant, Miu’s hand went to the doorknob, turned it, and stepped in.

It definitely wasn’t anything she expected.

In the middle of the room was Kaede and Saihara–Tojo hadn’t been wrong there–in what appeared to be a makeshift salon. Saihara was the closest to her and gave her that bashful look he was known for as he peaked up past freshly trimmed bangs. The garbage bag around his torso had been cut to vaguely resemble that of a hairdresser's cape with the top having a slit just large enough that Saihara’s head could slip through and the side of the bag cut enough so it lay relaxed against his body rather than taught. His arms rested underneath the bag, crinkling as he moved a hand to scratch his neck. There was a drawing there–resting neatly and covertly against the base of his fingers–but Miu couldn’t pick out details as he moved to run his fingers against the hairs on the nape of his neck.

Behind him, Kaede was still observing her work and picking through strands of Saihara’s hair, the scissors poised at the ready in the air. When she seemed content enough, she looked up and brightened as she caught Miu’s eyes.

Wordlessly, Kaede pulled off the garbage bag from Saihara’s chest and carefully minded Saihara’s head as she pulled it clean off. For the most part, it had been a clean process, but Kaede took to carefully folding the garbage bag so that additional snippets of hair wouldn’t join the ones already on the floor. She placed it atop Saihara’s navy-blue bed.

Miu felt the plastic strap of the gift bag escape her fingertips, falling to the floor with a thud.

“So...?” Kaede said, her smiling blinding. She was almost more distracting than the current state of Saihara.

“Are you kidding me?” Miu guffawed, “You got a  _ haircut _ , Saihara? I thought you’d keep your emo fringe forever!”

Saihara grimaced at that, pressing stiff fingers against the newly chopped strands of hair resting against the temple of his forehead. It was still long from what Miu could see, but it was no longer blocking his vision like it used to. Instead, the sleek hair rested just below his eyebrows and left his unique, gambogeish-grey eyes on display. If it wasn’t for his timidness, Miu might even consider something about how pensive they looked to be objectively-attractive, if not a bit standoffish.

“I think he looks pretty good!” Kaede ran her fingers through Saihara’s hair in soft soothing patterns and, despite his embarrassment, Miu saw how Saihara leaned into it with fluttering eyes. “I only have experience cutting my sister’s hair, but Shui’s was  _ so  _ much easier. I think he looks pretty handsome.”

“Yeah, I agree,” Miu said. She took the careful precaution to scoot the gift bag against the wall before walking over to the two. Saihara regarded her cautiously, almost as if she were some unpredictable animal, but Miu didn’t offer him a chance to question her. She placed her hands beside Kaede’s on Saihara’s head, her finger curling around locks of hair before mimicking something similar to what Kaede had done. He hadn’t relaxed as easily under her touch like he had done Kaede, but Miu wouldn’t have expected that either.

After a moment, Miu leaned down ever so slightly so that her eyes were parallel with Saihara’s. He flinched under her stare.

“ _ But, _ if Mr. Saihara is trying to look good for anyone  _ besides  _ Kokichi, I’m gonna have to curb stomp him.”

Saihara bit into his lip hard, shaking his head vehement and frantic. There was something akin to disgust on his face too; almost as if the idea that he would was an insult altogether.

“I-I wouldn’t!” Saihara said, “I’m  _ only  _ interested in Kokichi.”

“Better be–”

“What the hell did I walk into?” A familiar voice asked from the door, taking a few steps in before slamming it behind him. She didn’t bother to turn. It would take an idiot–which she was not–to not realize it was the gremlin. The obnoxious, lazy way he dragged his feet across the room was excessive proof of that too.

“The conversion of an emo boy to normal society, obviously,” Miu responded, “Now, get the fuck over here and touch his hair. It feels really fucking soft.”

Kaede and she both stepped back to let Kokichi touch, but it didn’t matter: the pointed look on his face said he would have gotten there regardless of any obstacles. He pushed himself forward onto his Siahara’s lap, crawling up into a seated position atop him. His legs wrapped around Saihara’s waist as he adjusted himself into a position in which they were roughly eye-level and their chests were mere inches apart.

Giving a cheeky grin, Kokichi finally ran meticulous fingers through Saihara’s hair. With each touch, Kokichi seemed to grow more obsessed with the soft texture and began to more systematically stroke each strand of hair. There was a mechanical familiarity in the way he did it too, but Miu figured that wasn’t a detail she’d want to know the origin of.

Saihara hadn’t said much during the encounter, but he didn’t seem against it. As most, Saihara tensed at the intensity of the position but didn’t make any move to stop his boyfriend from touching him. While he obviously enjoyed Kaede touching his hair, Saihara seemed much more excited at Kokich’s touch; anxiously awaiting it as he bit back sighs, and closed his eyes.

“Good job, Kaede,” Kokichi said once he was satisfied enough with his exploration, “I’m assuming this was you because  _ Tits-McGee _ over here can't cut hair to save her life.”

Miu went to defend herself since it hadn’t been  _ that  _ bad a haircut. It had been one they had decided to do in the dorm bathroom during their second year of college after Miu noticed it was past his shoulders. It had sorta turned out: it was above his shoulders, but, maybe, attempting to give him layers wasn’t a good idea as someone who has never cut hair before. It was blunt and jagged on a couple of pieces in a way that was so noticeable that even the cruddy bathroom lighting couldn’t hide it. In the end, they went to a salon the next day.

Altogether, it could have been worse. Miu wanted to say that too, but Kaede was quick to dissuade further argument.

“Ahah, thank you, Oma. Thankfully his hair was cooperative.”

Kokichi nodded, but, at this point, it didn’t seem like he cared too much about the response. His hands continued to run through Saihara’s hair and Saihara offered the smallest smile at the action, his eyelids fluttering to catch Kokichi’s eyes warmly. There was something electric in the interaction and Miu was quick to turn away and give the two males their moment. Miu looked to Kaede instead who proceeded to nudge her shoulder with a grin.

“Anyways, nice to see  _ you _ , Cutie! Happy almost-Christmas!”

Miu nudged Kaede back with equal vigor.

“Happy almost-Christmas to you too. I’m surprised you’re not home though. I was sure your family would have dragged you back by now.”

Kaede laughed at that.

“Oh, I will soon. My sister would beat me otherwise. It’ll be in a couple of days, right before Christmas Eve. I just had some loose ends to deal with here and didn’t want to worry about it over the holiday. What about you, Miu?”

The question made Miu’s smile drop, despite her attempt at remaining unbothered. Kaede’s eyebrows furrowed, her lips too falling to a straight line.

“Ah...my aunt has a lot of kids to take care of and not a lot of space. I’m just going to stay at my apartment,” Miu answered, forcing a laugh, “Anyways, I don’t need  _ those  _ little fuckers picking up swear words. My aunt would literally kill me.”

“I guess that makes sense…” Kaede said, her voice quiet, “Still, it makes me sad you’ll be alone on Christmas.”

Miu shook her head.

“Kokichi and Kiibo are staying too, so I won’t be  _ totally  _ alone,” Miu said, “But, if you’d like, you can always call me. Assuming you’re not too busy entertaining your twin.”

“Gosh, don’t remind me,” Kaede laughed, lightly patting Miu’s arm, “I’ll definitely call you though. I’ll miss you, so make sure to pick up!”

“I'll be waiting then,” Miu said, “Don’t forget or else I’m gonna feel stupid.”

Miu felt her face warm, a more natural smile taking form on her face. She appreciated the promise, even if it had been said solely out of niceness rather than intention. Something told Miu that wasn’t the case when it came to Kaede though.

It gave her something to look forward to too since her last two Christmases had been fairly bleak alone in the college town. Being away from her aunt’s house during breaks made it easier on the lady–a kindness Miu would allow since she had taken her in at a dark point in her life–but she couldn’t deny there was something pretty sad about it. She hated acting like holidays were just normal days when it used to be her favorite time of the year. Celebrating alone, something she had tried in her first year at college, did little to quell the emptiness if it didn’t make the feeling worse altogether. 

Miu supposed she should also be glad for events like this, even if Momota had been the one to spur it. If she squinted her eyes and avoided a calendar, maybe she could even convince herself for the night she was celebrating Christmas with a large group of friends. Maybe that, in of itself, was pathetic, but Miu supposed there were worse coping mechanisms.

On the topic of holidays though, Miu remembered she had abandoned the gift bag. Swearing, Miu made her way back to the door to grab it before she completely forgot it. Given how Kockroach and Saihard were, she wasn’t about to risk them fucking and her access from the room being blocked up. Something told her the possibility wasn’t too far-fetched either and the thought sent an acrid taste to the back of her mouth.

As Miu was turning around, she noticed Saihara waking from his trance. With heavy, sleepy blinks, Saihara came back to reality long enough to toss his head to the side and make eye contact with Kaede. 

“You can leave the stuff on the bed, Kaede. I’ll deal with it later. You can go with Iruma.”

Kaede was quick to agree.

“Alrightie! You two enjoy each other, okay?” 

Kaede sent Saihara a look that Miu couldn’t read and Miu couldn't decide if it was meant to go along with her comment or if it was from another matter entirely. She would’ve tried to dissect it given more time, but Kaede clasped her hand around Miu’s and began to move.

Miu returned the gesture without any hesitation too, fingers locking around the others in a familiar embrace. At this point, muscle memory guided the action and Miu didn’t have to think about it. Miu didn’t mind either: it felt so right and comforting when connected to Kaede like that. She liked how easily their hands slotted together and how Kaede rubbed a thumb down the back of her hand; placating and understanding regardless of need or circumstance. 

With half-lidded eyes, Miu removed her gaze from their hands and spotted Saihara’s eyes observing her with that inquisitive look on his face. His eyes widened a bit at having been caught, but Miu felt much worse for wear when her chest squeezed tight, her breath leaving in a wheeze. Before leaving the room, Miu made sure to send an obscene gesture to Saihara, her eyes flickering suggestively between him and Kokichi. He blushed and sputtered in retaliation, but the door was shut before she could see the full extent of his embarrassment.

Now, maybe, he’ll mind his own business.

Back in the living room, the situation appeared to be much worse. Angie Yonaga had taken to dangling a mistletoe around the established soulmates and seemed undeterred by any annoyance. Then again, that girl existed on an entirely different plane of existence. 

“Nyeheheh! Atua wishes to see his chosen duos happy!” Yonaga said before forcing the mistletoe between Yumeno and a reddened Chabashira. Chabashira flinched away from the herb and pulled herself and Yumeno further into the corner of the couch.

“N-n-n-nooooo! The perverted, degenerate males will ruin the precious moment!” complained Chabashira, taking a protective stance over her girlfriend. Even in moments like these, she fell to aikido. 

“Ughhhh, so tiresome,” Yumeno complained. She grabbed Chabashira by the collar of her ugly sweater and turned her around. Chabashira tried to complain, but Yumeno cupped Chabashira’s cheek and kissed her before she could make up a coherent sentence. Chabashira effectively shut up, wrapping her arms around the smaller girl’s neck and pulling her closer.

_ So much for not showing the perverted, degenerate males,  _ Miu thought, smirking to herself,  _ Bunch of horny fucking rabbits at this party. _

Kaede watched with avid interest, commenting something about the cute display, as she made her way over to the other couch. She seemed completely undeterred by what she saw and Miu thought Kaede had to be the bravest–or densest–one in the room moving close to a prowling Yonaga as she did. Everyone else in the room, on the other hand, seemed to slowly distance themselves from her, either averting eyes as they pressed themselves against the wall or leaving the area altogether. It was a self-preservation tactic, really, since Yonaga was a wild card. While Miu couldn’t get away like the others, she slipped her hand from Kaede’s just to be safe.

It would be a lie for Miu to say she didn’t expect Yonaga to make her way over. They  _ were _ the next best option of people to seek out a potential pair sitting thigh-to-thigh like they were. There was a twinkle to the platinum-blond girl’s eyes as she approaches, the mistletoe loomed menacingly from her outstretched hand.

“And you two?” Yonaga asked, tossing her head side-to-side as she looked between them, “You are soulmates?”

The feeling that settled in Miu’s chest was indescribable. Being asked so directly about it by–essentially–a stranger felt unreal. Knowing the truth of the matter was that they  _ were _ soulmates made the situation that much worse, especially since only she knew and Kaede was the one in the dark about it. 

Miu couldn’t find the words: a panicked denial caught in her throat instead. Kaede shifted beside her, pressing a hand to Miu’s shoulder, and spoke in her stead.

“Heh, nope! We’re just best buddies,” Kaede said, giving Miu a gentle squeeze, “Sorry, Yonaga.”

Yonaga didn’t look satisfied.

“Is your soulmate here?” Yonaga pressed, pursing her lips.

“Ah...I haven’t found mine yet. Miu hasn’t either, so you’ll have to track another soulmate couple down...I think Kaito and Maki are in the kitchen. You can try there?” Kaede offered, giving a smile that didn’t quite meet her eyes.

There was an emptiness in the tone too. It was one Miu was slowly learning how to pick up on and most people who didn’t know Kaede as she did wouldn’t pick up on it either. However, there was something so resounding about the way Kaede spoke this time that Miu didn’t doubt her observation. It made sense why it was said that way too. Nervous, Miu’s mouth seemed to prickle and she bit down hard on the soft interior of her cheek in a shoddy attempt to quell it.

Yonaga brightened at the suggestion, laughing as she took off down the hall with the mistletoe dangling from her hand.

There was a silence between the two; heavy with something Miu couldn’t place. Miu wagered the topic of soulmates was still bouncing around Kaede’s head. Her immediate desire was to offer some kind of support because seeing Kaede upset made her queasy, but she also knew that the support would only be half-assed at best. The solution to Kaede’s issue was still something she couldn’t offer despite how much she wished the opposite.

Miu decided to offer a distraction instead. She bumped her knee against Kaede’s leg.

“Hey, I don’t know if the Momota or Saihara were planning on doing the gift exchange at the same time, but…” Miu said, hands fiddling with the gift bag’s straps, “do you want to open mine now? I’m pretty excited about it.”

Kaede’s smile felt more genuine this time as she nodded at Miu’s suggestion.

With her approval, Miu reached into the gift bag and pulled out a wrapped box. With careful fingers, Kaede took the present and peeled the wrapping paper back carefully, observing Miu’s excited stare with an occasional, teasing glance. Once the wrapping paper was off, Kaede moved to undo the box’s top and peered into it.

Beyond the gift she put the most effort into customizing, Miu decided to also grab Kaede some other small items since giving a customized key chain didn't feel substantial enough. The small items were things Kaede had mentioned in passing conversations: some high-quality skin moisturizer and various pastel nail polishes. Kaede commented on them happily too as she picked each of the items up; as if she was shocked that Miu would remember. After a couple of moments, Kaede’s hands eventually came to the small box in the corner.

She pulled it out, eyeing it curiously. With one quick look at Miu, Kaede pulled off the lid and stared down at the key chain. She pulled it out of the box gingerly, her eyes wide as she turned it over in her hands.

“Awee,  _ Miu!  _ This is such a cute charm! It’ll look great on my–” Kaede began, but was swiftly cut off when her hand made contact with the trigger. A soft, familiar tune came from the speaker Miu installed on the back.

“‘Clair de Lune?’”

“Yeah...I customized it so it could play music too. You can stop and start it by pressing that button,” Miu explained, pointing at the trigger, “Ah, b-but if you don’t like that song for it I can always change it! I just assumed–!”

Miu was engulfed in a hug.

“No! I love it, Miu. This is the sweetest thing ever. I’m surprised you even remember what I played at the recital.”

“How could I forget? Do you forget how  _ amazing _ you are on the piano?”

Kaede pulled away, a heavy pink blush on her cheek and an undeniable excitement on her face. As Miu’s heart raced, she decided that she’d never get used to the look either.

“I don’t have your gift on me. I’ll be  _ right  _ back, okay? Don’t move!” Kaede said, standing and placing the box in her empty spot. When Miu nodded, Kaede made quick work of shuffling down the hall. She returned a few minutes later: a gift bag with a reindeer on in it dangling from her hand.

“Sorry, I hid all my gifts. I...wasn’t sure if Shui and Oma would end up stealing his room all night. I mean, you  _ know  _ how it is, right?” Kaede said, cocking her eyebrow at Miu. Despite not being comfortable knowing how aggressively sexual her best friend was, Kaede didn’t seem too mad either. She sounded more like an exasperated mother if anything.

“Yeah, they are some horny ass motherfuckers,” Miu agreed, “We should be glad they can’t get pregnant.”

“No kidding,” Kaede snorted, “But, anyway, here’s your gift, Miu. I really hope you like it.”

Miu took it from her hands and opened the bag. Inside, she saw two boxes: a medium one splashed with colors on its top and then another smaller, white one. She grabbed the bigger one first and found it wasn’t wrapped at all. It was one of those figurine boxes. Turning it to the clear, plastic front, Miu gasped.

“Amejisuto!” Miu squealed, pulling the figurine out of its thin cardboard encasing, “I don’t have any figurines from Nora’s Galaxy! It’s even my favorite character! Thank you!”

Miu kept turning the short, purple figure around with the tips of her finger, visualizing where she could start the collection in her room. Before the blueprints in her mind could be finalized, Kaede touched her shoulder gently.

“You still have one more, Cutie. I’m...excited to see your reaction to it.”

Miu’s attention perked up at that and she delicately pulled the other box up. Kaede exhaled from beside her as she did so and Miu didn’t waste any time in removing the smooth, cardboard top off. Within the box resting atop a bed of cotton was a sun pendant connected to a silver chain. The pendant glimmered under the rainbow Christmas lights and Miu traced her fingers over the intricate details of the piece. Nudging it with her finger, she noticed it had weight to it too. It felt expensive.

“I know we're adults, but I saw it and couldn’t leave it,” Kaede said, her voice a breathy whisper as she spoke, “It’s part of a set, like best friend necklaces.”

Kaede’s hand went to the collar of her turtleneck, pulling it down enough to retrieve a similar chain. Bringing it fully out, Miu saw that it was a moon charm with equally careful precision and detail. As Miu sat, breathless and silent, Kaede’s nimble fingers moved to retrieve the sun pendant from the box. Tucking it under the moon pendant on her neck, there was a satisfying clink as they slotted together.

“They actually connect too. Each pair is made different, so these are exclusive for us,” Kaede said, removing the sun pendant from the moon and pressing it into Miu’s palm, “I gave you the sun because...well, you light up my life! As cheesy as it is.”

With a red face, Kaede gave a shy, nervous laugh and removed her hand from Miu. She looked embarrassed as if the sudden vulnerability would be rejected, but Miu was quick to deny that fear. Letting out a shaky breath, Miu took the necklace and clasped it around her neck. Calming her heart, she gave Kaede a small smile.

“If...If we’re going to be cheesy, then...you’re my light in the darkness then.” Miu attempted to tease, but it sounded much more stupid when she tried it. Attempting to placate her nerves and simmering embarrassment, she lightly grabbed Kaede’s hands into her own. “Thank you, Kaede. This means the world to me. I love it.”

They both laughed for a moment, before Kaede's face grew solemn. There’s still a nervous jitter to her frame, but she looks resolute, determined beyond words. Lacing their fingers together, Kaede began.

“Hey, Miu,” Kaede said, “You’re someone who means a lot to me.”

Miu nodded, rigid and robotic.

“It’s been a couple of months since I got to really know you, but you’re already such a big part of my life. It’s hard to imagine a life where I’m not texting you at odd hours of the night or having sleepovers. I’m excited to see where life will bring us,” Kaede said, stopping to look up at Miu, a shaky smile on her face.

Kaede paused for a moment, almost as if she were pondering letting the sentiment rest there. However, something inside her seemed to egg her on and Kaede continued on a bit more determined.

“Hopefully, I don’t sound dramatic when I say it...but I just want you to know that I’m glad we met, Miu. I’m  _ glad  _ we became friends. I think it goes without saying that I think you deserve love and to be loved by the people around you. And... I’m proud to be one of those people.”

The words froze in the air as something cracked deep inside Miu.

Kaede looked at her anxiously, almost as if she was begging her to speak. Miu couldn’t find the words, however. Actions had to suffice.

Hands trembling, Miu shot forward in her seat and wrapped Kaede into a tight hug. The other girl nearly fell over at the force, the arm of the couch keeping her mostly upright. Kaede didn’t return the hug from shock initially; her arms frozen and her breath stilled. However, after catching her breath and regrounding herself, Kaede’s hands fell into a knot around Miu’s shoulders. Despite the other girl feeling so solid and permanent in her arms, Miu’s body shook. Before Miu knew it, tears were running down her face and hiccups were catching in her throat, nearly choking her.

“Cutie, d-don’t cry, okay?” Kaede’s smooth voice was in her ear, her warm hands rubbing circles against the yarn of Miu’s sweater. “You’ll make me cry too.”

Miu almost wished she would, given she was the only one violently sobbing at a Christmas party.  _ Momota’s  _ Christmas party, at that. While she couldn’t  _ see _ the eyes on her, she felt little pricks on her skin that told her there were wandering gazes. She felt an old, tried-and-true habit come to mind first: joke it off.

“God...I’m having such an emotional overload. Did you plan that, pinky? That’s kinda cruel during the holidays,” Miu said between breaths, calming herself. Her grip on her friend didn’t lessen, but neither did Kaede’s. Instead, the other girl tucked her head into Miu’s neck, laughing against the collar of her sweater and tickling the exposed skin.

“Sorry, are we interrupting something?”

Miu glanced past Miu’s shoulder to Kokichi and Saihara. It had been Saihara who had spoken, tugging the collar of his turtleneck high and flush against his neck. Kokichi stood beside him, looking smug. While Saihara still looked flustered from whatever encounter they had had in the bedroom, his eyes widened contemplatively as he observed the scene between Kaede and herself. It didn't take much for Miu to realize Saihara was still not minding his own business. 

_ Not that we were doing anything suspicious,  _ Miu thought,  _ Just girl time. Crying and bonding and shit. _

Nevertheless, Miu decided she earned the right to be snippy with him when he was making connections where none needed to lie.

“Yeah, you did interrupt something, bitches. This was a girl’s only event,” Miu retorted, biting her cheek to keep her voice even, “Well, it's fine, I  _ guess _ . It’s better that you’re out here instead of screwing each other’s brains out in that bedroom, you fucking exhibitionists.”

Saihara flushed a deep red.

“Aha, simmer down, Miu,” Kaede laughed, turning to her best friend, “What’s up, Shuichi? Did you need help?”

“Yeah...if you’re not busy though. I can always ask Kaito if you need some time.”

Kaede looked to Miu first, pressing a hand against Miu’s and giving her a curt nod. It was a silent agreement that they’d meet again later.

“No, it’s okay. We just finished up, so let's go. I’m sure Oma and Miu have some gossiping to do,” Kaede said, sending a discrete wink to Miu. It went without saying that she knew Miu was going to get details of Kokichi being a whore. It wasn’t part of her plan tonight, rather she’d save it for later, but she had a reputation to uphold. She smiled wickedly back.

Grabbing her presents, Kaede got up from her seat to follow Saihara and waved goodbye to Kokichi and Miu as she turned the corner into the hall. Now that it was only the two of them, Kokichi fell into her abandoned spot. Miu gave him a look.

“What are they being so secretive about?” Miu asked.

“Shumai got a present for me. I don’t know what it is exactly, but he’s trying to be secretive about it,” Kokichi answered, unbothered. He turned his head to Miu, his eyes dissecting her. What exactly he was thinking, however, was something she might be able to guess, but what he deemed most pressing to ask first was something she couldn’t be too sure of. With how she looked after an impromptu cry and the overall situation surrounding them, it could literally be anything.

“Your eyes are pretty red, Miu.”

She scoffed at that. So, it would be that then.

“I guess crying does that.”

Kokichi glared, relaxing deeper into the couch. 

“Can I ask  _ why  _ you were crying? You were with Akamatsu, so…?” Kokichi said, perking an eyebrow as he cast her a lazy glance. Taking a wary scan around the room, Miu leaned forward and made sure to keep her voice low. With the ambiance of the others’ chatter and the light Christmas music as her cover, Miu forced herself to speak.

“She...gave me a friendship necklace…” Miu said, falling quiet as she considered her next words.

“And she basically”–Miu realized there was no beating around the bush: what Kaede had said was clear as day–“No. She  _ said  _ she loved me.”

“As friends?” Kokichi asked.

“Yeah. Only as a friend.” Miu bit her lip. “I mean I  _ know _ that I still have to figure out what to do yet about the whole  _ issue _ , but I am thinking, okay? I’m not going to half-ass it if you’re worried.”

He sighed in the way that Miu knew he was becoming exasperated, like when he thinks the people around him are being excessively boring or dumb. As much as he liked to bring mayhem and drag out issues that caught his interest, Miu also knew that he had some odd sense of justice that for some reason involved Kaede this time. Miu figured it was due to his odd sentimentality towards the concept of soulmate pairings and left it at that.

“You...Have you even thought about your feelings towards her?” Kokichi asked, quickly clarifying, “You keep hammering down on saying that you guys are  _ friends _ , but do you even believe that anymore?”

“What...do you mean?”

“Do you think...there’s a possibility that it’s beyond friendship at this point? You guys are...so it wouldn’t be abnormal to think that,” Kokichi said, voice low.

Miu was thankful he was being so vague and that the people around them seemed to be minding their own business. While she would prefer to do this somewhere more private, there was enough anonymity in the festivities that she wouldn’t make a big deal out of it. She was certain the conversation would take place whether she wanted it to or not. It was probably better to pull off the band-aid than being stressed about it.

“Kich,” She began with a thoughtful inhale, “I don’t know. I don’t think so. Kaede doesn’t even know and she wouldn’t pursue someone who wasn’t her soulmate. Well, I mean- Fuck, you  _ know _ .”

“What about you?” 

It didn’t need to be said because the words seemed to be whispered into her head regardless.

_ Are you falling in love with her? _

“...No. We’re friends.”

Kokichi looked at her skeptically and her heart thudded in her chest. Regardless of the words the smaller male wanted to say, he didn’t push her to say or think more. With that distant look in his eye and how he rubbed the temples of his forehead, he was probably too exhausted by the whole ordeal to keep pressing it at this moment in time.

After a moment or two of silence, Kokichi reached into the pockets of his oversized, black hoodie. Grabbing a rectangular shape, he threw it onto Miu’s lap and it came down with a heavy slap to her thighs. Sending him a pointed glare, Miu looked at it more carefully and realized it was actually a neatly wrapped present.

“You couldn’t just...pass it to me? Like a normal person?”

He shook his head, a smug grin on his lips. She supposed she already knew that Kokichi was anything, but.

Sliding her finger under a loose spot in the wrapping paper, she tore the paper away to reveal a tan, weathered book. It was fairly nondescript, but as she flipped the cover to the first page, it made sense.  _ The Story of Tokono _ : a book of high scientific value that recounted discoveries and knowledge of the past. Despite being especially old and revered, it was  _ rare _ .

“Kokichi, how did you–?”

“Shinguji. The creepy fucker owed me a favor and he had  _ two _ copies. What are the chances?” 

“This book is super rare and expensive, cocksucker. How in the fuck did you have a favor equivalent to that? Especially with Shinguji who’d die if he knew my  _ unclean  _ hands were touching it?” Miu said, “Not to mention this is the  _ same  _ guy who threatened to ‘tear out your nerves’ when you touched his gold katana!”

Kokichi merely shrugged.

“Being the ultimate supreme leader of DICE, I can do some amazing things. Just make sure you don’t ruin it, bitchlet. It  _ is _ expensive.”

“Then, stop buying me expensive gifts!” Miu complained, before adding a small, “Thank you, though. I...really do fucking appreciate this."

Cradling the book with careful fingers, she combed through a couple of pages and eyed each of its headers. Kokichi hummed from beside her, satisfied with her reaction. Once she skimmed all the way to the back of the book, Kokichi sent a kick to her calf. It was soft though, thankfully, and she felt like today would be a rare occasion that his pushy habits wouldn’t leave her bruised.

“Now give me my present, bitch,” Kokichi said, “I don’t need you crying again either, so keep your eyes dry. Ten-toes Chabarashi over there is already glaring.”

Miu snorted, tossing his present from the bag onto his lap. As her best friend ripped through the paper like a wild animal, Miu felt the earlier topic in their conversation come to mind. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, there was a timer on her and Kaede's relationship and a change would occur regardless of her consent if she didn’t act. It didn’t help that every move she made seemed to be under scrutiny and she definitely had one detective on her ass. He may not know what for yet, but Miu knew he wasn’t dumb. He’d figure it out eventually: he was too damn good at that sort of thing.

Rubbing a finger against the silver pendant on her chest, she delicately felt every groove on its surface: complicated, yet uniquely theirs. Following the pendant up to the chain, her index finger ran up and down it and would occasionally press feather-light touches to skin. It felt cool against her skin too, a pleasant retreat from the heat of the room, but felt oddly heavy as it weighed down on her neck. If she closed her eyes, she could imagine Kaede wearing its twin. She could imagine the girl smiling, crying, disappointed– 

She could see it all like flickering images at the forefront of her eyes. She knew she had to make a decision. She knew it wasn’t right to lead Kaede on. She knew it all. Yet here she was tugging the pendant on her neck. Like it was the knot on a noose. Like one false step would have her suffocating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! The full intent was a double update, but I underestimated how much finals week was/is going to kill me. I also intended this to be out sooner, but my body keeps trying to take a ten-year nap.
> 
> Amejisuto - It means Amethyst in Japanese! I’m not 100% sure if that’s correct, so if it’s wrong, let me know! If it's not completely obvious, this is referencing Amethyst from the show Steven Universe. In my opinion, Miu would totally like her best. :)
> 
> "I love you" - I was really excited to include the first friendship "I love you" even if it wasn't direct. The first time a friend says that is always so magical and, for someone like Miu, this would be such an important thing to her regardless of the fact that Kaede is her soulmate.
> 
> ANYWAYS! Thank you for reading! If you let a comment, I will respond to it sometime tomorrow! Thank you for leaving comments or simply reading! I always appreciate it! <3


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